All Comments on 'My Sister's New Bathing Suit'

even the plot was good... but the dialogues, the actions, the interaction... they were just not very erotic or taboo... when a taboo/erotic story of this nature failed to be taboo or erotic, it has failed its mission...

I enjoyed this one. Contrary to what the other reader said, i thought the build up was good. The pace was good. The story was good. The characters were believable.

But since you're a new writer, i want to give you a few tips;

Get an editor. You had a few spelling errors in there. Most people don't seem to mind for some reason. Serious readers do. The spelling errors are a given. Even the top notch writers do it. Some writers don't care and are horrible. If you're serious about writing erotica, do yourself a favor and get an editor to go over your stuff. Proof read your own stuff to boot.

Probably the most glaring thing i noticed was dialog. When you create a dialog, you need to do it correctly. The way you did it was: "You sure are taking a long time to finish that book." She said with a smile.

The way it should be done is: "You sure are taking a long time to finish that book," she said with a smile.

There's a comma at the end of the person's dialog instead of a period. Then when you get to the 'she said' part, it should be lower case as it continues. The reason is that it creates a flow of a single sentence. Creating a capital letter signifies the start of a new sentence.

Other wise, a very good job for a noob. I gave you a 4 star vote.

:-))

"Yeah, I would make a great boyfriend. Why are you crying Bill? Oh no reasons, I just really miss my dead wife."

Who refers to their deceased as "...my dead wife."

Another one: "Because then we would be incestuous?" Who talks like that? More believeable would be, "I love you. I don't care if it's incest."

Otherwise, it was a good story (I'm glad I skipped the middle though) and look forward to your next submission.

Fuck any stupid comments ; the story was very realistic and nothing was exagerated . I thought you told it very well and i'd love to read more from you .

Forget the knit pickers. Some people can find fault with anything. It was a great story. Keep up the good work.

Ignore some of the comments - you have rendered a very erotic well-told story. The build up, the crescendo, the incestuous relationship that developed into an easy to believe reality all added to a superb story. And, it is a story not so short that it is forgettable; rather, it is long enough with something new during each encounter that my interest was well maintained. I appreciated it and only request that you create more. Well done.

it was good but when you mentioned barbara early on and then never mentioned her again until the end it seemed a little strange if you were going to mention her she should have had a bigger role in the story and at the end when the sister was bringing her boyfriend that would make it really strange especially when the kids weren't there as soon as she got a boyfriend he should have told her that it would be better if she only came when she brought the kids because it hurt to much to see her with someone else now you need to write another chapter about him and barbara no sister this time

Wonderfully sexy story.

Thanks for writing a great story and sharing it.

Well told! I agree with those requesting more from you.

Your description of the internal turmoil of "should-we" was very realistic and believable. The ending seemed a little rushed, but that's my problem, not yours.

Thank you.

Glad to see this.......Excellent!

The story was very good. Only thing I would have changed was the anal coming in there before the regular sex, it almost made it anti-climatic

I get so sick of people who bitch and moan about critical comments. That's what this section is for. I gave the author some tips that i thought were good for his future endeavors and then others say for the author to ignore the comments. If that's the case, he'll never improve.

Get over it people. Most think this is a hot story. It had a few flaws that can be corrected and doesn't make the story less hot. It's called constructive criticism.

No story is going to perfectly suit everyone's fancy and we all make some grammatical errors -- even when proof reading. What kills me are the people who are hyper critical and then you click their name and they have not contributed one story or they are anonymous. I think that is a little hypocritical and I see it many times on this site. I think they are just trying to knock someone's score down. An author can get 4-5's and 1-1 can keep the story from registering as hot. I think that is BS and I think something needs to be done to stop that from happening, because it encourages some bad practices when it comes to the scoring system and keeps some stories from getting the attention they deserve -- Just my two cents. I hope that this author will write more. I like the style and am sure he has more to offer. Thank You!

I thought this was one of the best stories in the incest section. It was realistic. Was the grammar perfect? No, but it was close enough! Someone is telling you after a quote you need a comma, not a period? While true, it was definitely well written to the point that any small errors did not distract the reader from the plot. I hope you keep writing. Would you ever write about a brother and sister, who then end up joining their swinging parents? That would be fun, especially the way you tell stories. Keep up the good work!

Awesome story!!!! Looking forward to more of your work. Perhaps some additional chapters with Lisa and Billy........lots of potential for more adventures (eg. the two siblings go on vacation together, Lisa helps her brother get a promotion/raise/sale, Lisa models more sexy outfits/bikinis for her horny brother before entering a bikini contest, etc.). Keep up the good work!

This was a really good brother/sister love story. For me, it was definitely worth the 5 Stars I gave it. Thanks for your submission and I really do hope you will write many, many more.

Read every word.

lose the birth control pills and let them live as husband and wife

I'm surprised you don't pay more attention to details, though. Misspelling, misused words and question marks in strange places distracted me from your obvious talents. I'm not trying to pick nits, but you obviously worked hard on this piece. Things like seeing "pecks" rather than "pecs" is like stepping in a pothole while I'm trying to stay in the story.

I really enjoyed the story. I think that the storyline could continue, possible group action, or tell us about how thing started with Barbara.

Please keep writing, there are not many writers who could not improve, so just keep writing. Practice, practice, practice.

Great, great story. I loved how you let the situation build and how the characters struggled to over come the taboo. All to often in the incest section they just jump to fucking without any thought of what they are doing. Why write a taboo story if the characters don't act like they are breaking a taboo?

The ending I thought was very realistic but yes, perhaps a bit rushed. It just makes sense to me that two siblings might be drawn to each other but wouldn't try to make it more than a passing thing.

Regarding the comments about your dialog and grammar I suggest you take them as the constructive feedback I am sure they are meant as. If you write more (and I very much hope that you do) things like that will come as you work on it.

The more important thing is that you created a very erotic and believable story with characters that I cared about and related to. That is a much more difficult task than worrying about where you put your commas. Thank you I look forward to reading your next work.

Just one more comment. I LOVED the dirty talk between that characters. I think that it's a great way to move the sex scenes along while not letting the reader forget that what we are reading is such a taboo. Again one of the better stories I have read here.

It's rare that a story can encapture my entire consciousness for a second time. You are good!

The way you handled the story made it read like one from the romance section. Very inciteful to emotions and feelings. I gave it 5 stars. Thank you. :)

her getting a boyfriend killed the story. if he really had feelings for her then it would hurt to much to see her with someone else. once she found someone else he would have told her it would be best if she no longer came to the house and tell her why.he should lay it on the line that it would hurt to much and he couldn't take it so she should stay away. keep it atleast somewhat realistic sounding please

DBRS

You did an excellent job and the ending was very nice......but I can't help wishing for the happy ending with brother and sister together. It still rates a 5 as written.

Yeah I agree with the last commentator lol if that's a word

I couldnt help want in a happily ever after between the siblings and kids

Five stars anyway

Simply fantastic

You have a gift for storytelling. Get an editor who can help you with structure and clean up the typos. That will take you to the next level. You already have the creative juices flowing. Thanks.

Good ending, they both realized it was time to move on

good build up but a crappy ending. this could have been much better IF she didn't find a boyfriend that ruined the story. when she found a boyfriend he would have felt hurt and betrayed and every time he saw them together it would hurt like hell. i agree a normal guy with any feelings for her would have told her straight out " if you go with him you will have to stop coming here because it hurts me to much to see you with some one else." and let her decide if she chooses him or the boyfriend. your story was good but your end sucked and not in a good way keep it atleast some what realistic and believable please.

Great story, I agree with the ending, it was great while it happened but needed to find the real long term relationships! Keep up the great stories.

I love your style of writing, It just seems to drag me into the story. Usually I'm knit-picky with writing, but with your story I was so engrossed that there were only a couple of points that I saw a flaw and realised I was simply reading words on a screen; beyond those flaws, I was living it. You are and excellent writer, and my hopes are that you will continue to write what YOU feel, not what people tell you to feel. If they want different plot points, they can write their own story.

that is the big question you need to ask yourself, if you do want to improve then ignore the kiss ass comments and listen to the complaints. if you listen to the kiss asses you will keep posting subpar work, but if you listen to the complainers you will improve. as to the story, it was good until she got a boyfriend then it went to hell. as others have said if shr brought the boyfriend to his house it would hurt to much and would drive them apart. i agree he should have laid it on the line and told her how he felt and let her decide what to do. i also think that mentioning beth at the beginning and then not again until the end was not well thought out either she needs a bigger part or don't mention her name at all. this could use a good editing and rewriting plus a second chapter to properly finish it off.

I like a story with some buildup, and a little character development, and you did a great job with this one. Okay, there were a few spelling errors etc, but overall, very well done. I also liked the way you took a familiar theme and approached it with a few imaginative touches of your own so it stood out from the rest.

I love the way you built up to the climax. 5² But they belong together. Maybe Barbara should go off with Hank or something, but our two lovers belong together. This hang-up with incest is meaningless, two adults should make their own decisions, and not be hung up on this so called "unnatural thing". Children naturally don't like one another, and that is good, but adults should love who they love, and not be affected by some brainless rule concocted by people who have never LOVED.

The way they were progressively drawn closer together was done well. You let them learn to accept their love for each other,

and then just pulled it all away in a couple of paragraphs.

They climbed the mountain together and then just fell off the other side.

splat.

You really out did yourself this time. This was scorching hot and oh so erotic.

You led us along the path. You gave all the arguments why societal convention shouldn't matter. They both accepted the new happiness and possibilities. and yet, with the stroke of pen (keyboard?) the rug was pulled from under them and us.

They each found someone else. BFD! If that is all this story is about you are either trying to deceive your readers or yourself.

really good story. great and compelling read.

i wasnt totally there with the dressing up for him near the end or the unwillingness to kiss him properly after he had fucked her ass but even still. brilliant story!

SUPERB!!!

The last two paragraphs of this story killed it for me , sorry ... 3 stars

That ending was one of the great all time anti-climaxes: pun intended !

Talk about a let down.

Would he really let a hot sister like Lisa get away that easily ! I don't think so.

So sorry, just 3 Stars from me.

You might want to re-write the ending where they don't split up - then you might get 5 stars.

Just so very disapointing.

Hot sister in need, awesome! Ending seemed a little rushed, but really a good story with a realistic ending. You just can't marry your sister when your already the Uncle of her kids. That would be sick!

Except for the ending.

This was an amazing story till the end. Then it became pseudo rape.

Such a sad ending, it is as if they didn’t even have sex with brother/sister. Truth be told if they continue to itch the relationship this way the past with eventually come around to haunt them. If it doesn’t then it is not a true incest story that is true.

Okay, so i am not going to let the last 4 or 5 sentences deny that this was a 99.5% beautifully written story And even includes intimacy that is lacking in much of the erotica posted. The visual descriptions were excellent. The dialogue and emotion realistic.

Before i even read this story, i read what the author had said on his Bio page about some commenters saying his stories endings were "flawed". And as i was reading these last 4 or 5 sentences, i recalled and understood what i read on the Bio page.

Up until i had read those last few lines, i was wondering Why and How could such a well written story rate only a 4.63 (as of today 12/29/2022). And then i realized (before i even read previous comments) that this was most likely due to pissed off readers (Yeah, the ending comes on at you out of the blue like a bucket of ice water). But, I gave this story 5🌟 because i enjoyed it 99.5%. We All like happy endings according to what our perception is of what a Happy Ending Should be. Since this is fantasy, i am "trying" to look at this ending as a Happy one for Lisa and Billy for what would work for THem. IF...a fantasy story could somehow turn out to be true, i could see it ending just like Lisa's and Billy's. They both found significant others that they don't have to be careful about and who sees them. In real life, it would be extremely difficult for a brother and sister to be in a typical relationship without all kinds of problems. I read these stories because i enjoy the fantasy. There are many, many "brother and sister" stories posted that end with them living Happily ever after And together. This isn't one of them.