- NonHuman
- Natalie Ch. 06
- Comments
All Comments on 'Natalie Ch. 06'
by toofeeky4u
- 27 Comments
cantfightfateover 11 years agoI felt like I couldn't sink my teeth into anything. So much happened in just a few pages and we didn't go into detail on any of it. The training could have taken up the full 2 pages, so could Ronnie's rescue, so could the interrogation and discovery of new information. We didn't go in depth on any of this things, which made this chapter seem more like an outline than an actual story.
A bit disappointing but I'll still be back for more.
sluttyblakgurl87over 11 years agoNot to be rude but you caint leave people hangin like dat! Like OMG what happens to Crandle?? How does the changing ceremony turn out?? I hope you had more coming because I fully enjoyed the first 6 chapters!!
erinjamisonabout 11 years agoI would suggest though that you are giving away too much of the story which is one reason why it feels stiff as some people have commented in earlier chapters. In my opinion, you are doing more telling than showing. The key...or goal rather..is to paint enough of a picture so that the painting becomes visual in the mind of the reader. For instance, when Natalie shows Ronnie her memories, what does Ronnie experience physically? Was it like watching a movie? Wouldn't there be kind of wondrous questioning like, "How did you do that?" or a stunned kind of "Wow!"
The interrogation was lack luster and contradictory. If you had given descriptions like "the human being unaware of the existence of monsters literally pissed his pants." So in Conall's dialogue, he says that Dexter attempted to kidnap his mate, and her friend but yet he is willing to grant him sanctuary within the pack that he is responsible to keep safe? When he killed a man, no four men when they attempted to kidnap her in the house? His latest reaction doesn't ring true to the character that you initially painted as an exacting type of dude.
maxd01almost 11 years agoOne thing that would be very nice is if each chapter was longer, maybe a full two pages.
quirkyshedevilalmost 11 years agoI love your story and can't wait for the next installment!
countrygirlflaover 10 years agoA very good story line,although a bit rushed and short,,,but would just like to have it finished.....its been almost a year since this last chapter was posted,so im guessing that there will not be anymore...such a waste of writers and readers time to put so much work into this and just leave it hanging,,,,i guess it will join the ranks of all the other unfinished stories on here...
Anonymousover 10 years agoReally enjoyed your story, can't wait for the next chapter. Please hurry!!
Butterflies1974about 10 years agoI've enjoyed this story line but just realized that after getting into it so much that the story wasn't finished. Hope you consider coming back and finishing it.
Anonymousabout 9 years agoIts been years since you updated we r hungry for more please don't tease u have to finish what you started thanks
Anonymousover 8 years agoPlease post the next chapter! The story is incredibly compelling and I want to know what happens.
Anonymousalmost 6 years ago“Assume the position”...
Can you say, “um...for sure!” I’m ready for what’s next. Love the places my mind went to on the last bit of this chapter...mmmmmm
carmenvampover 4 years agoI get it that after 7 years this story will never be finished, but it's a shame. The writing is good and the plot is interesting, but I'll never know how it ends.
