All Comments on 'Native Sister'

Nicely paced, good build-up for each of the sexual scenes, while still leaving room for the next time to be pushing the envelope even more. Good concept without devolving into triteness, as well. Nice.

I usually do not comment in this section unless I find a great story. And by great history I do not mean by sex, I mean a relationship is told of a couple, regardless of blood ties. And this has been, in my point of view, a romance story between two brothers.

However, I think Zami should have realized that they were brothers, a tribe from Papua New Guinea does not know what that is. It is also true that he would have preferred an ending in which the three of them had returned with the Kasabai.

You can not have everything in this life.

5 * for you.

I apologize for my English (yet and forever), isn't my native language.

I tried to read this, but couldn't get farther than half the first page. You break up the flow of your writing with needless dialogue interjections. Less is more in many of the cases.

I can skim any page and show you an example~

I opened my mouth to say something, feeling obligated to say something, but I ....

~ From page nine. 'Feeling obligated to say something' kills the flow, breaks the actions and you do it everywhere.

You clarify what you've already written as well. As a reader, I have the brains to remember when people met and can figure out that the main character is 'their survival guide.' First, you tell us 'this is his survival class' and then you point out, 'me, their survival guide' a paragraph later. Unneeded repetition. If you can't spot this yourself when you revise your work, then you need a second pair of eyes.

in the first page someone refers to him as a navy seal, and he corrects her. He blew out his knee in Hell Week. That's only the third week of the first phase. After that he has at least a years worth of training to go through. This guy wasn't even close.

Just loved this very erotic and entertaining story thank you.

I enjoyed the read but was somewhat put off by the inaccuracies. Might I suggest that, if you are going to focus your story on an exotic locale, you undertake a bit of research beforehand. The same with the Navy Seal thing. It's a case of, "If you want your fiction to be be believable, it must be accurate."

For example, there are no monkeys in New Guinea; Hell Week is near the beginning of Seal training, not at the end: and so on.

My comments are meant purely as constructive criticism, however. Do not stop writing as you have a creative mind.

Oh! ...and please, ...please have someone explain the use of inclusive phrases like, "you and me" and "my sister and I", and where each should be used. Just as a hint, take out the other person and see how it reads without them.

Great story. Too much early emphasis on sister angst.

They really dodged a bullet with their daughter... so far any way. But, a good story all the same, with a loving, happy, committed relationship, coming out of it.

Mr. Anonymous, the coward gave a scathing review, siting inaccuracy of fact to real life, also including references to punctuation and other writing errors. Really? He couldn't get past half of the first page, yet rails about examples of the current damning thing that is wrong with this story, on page 9 of 11. Really... I wonder if his writing could withstand the self important rantings of other self important cowards giving opinions that the majority of readers could care less about. Of course, we are supposed to know how important, and intelligent, this coward is, and just accept his review of this story.

I hope the author will take the majority of the comments by readers, which were good, to heart with his writing. This does not mean that the self important cowards don't have a point with some of their comments, and the author can learn from them. Those comments should really be made constructively, to the author, in a none public form.

My point is, how can Mr., or Ms., or Miss, or Mrs. Anonymous Coward, expect any one to respect what they say, especially when it is said in such nasty terms, in public. These self important cowardly pricks make me sick to my stomach.

Keep up the creative work AddToWater, I am behind you all the way.

I could read this story over and over! More please!!

not a 9 year old. naked little vagina???...you CAN NOT see the vagina AUTHOR, unless you have a speculum...shaved pussy is a turn off for me. you can justify going against nature if you can justify shaving your head woman...wax the eye brows and lashes to...

Would have enjoyed more tribal eccenticities, such as the tribal women having the right to fondle and mate with this man. As is, imoyou brought western values to a non-western setting.

I stumbled across this story and am sooo glad I did!!

I'd write more comments but unfortunately I have to go change my pants.... it was totally hot 🔥 Then I'm gonna come back and read it again 💋

Probably the longest story I’ve read so far. Surprisingly, it left me wanting more.

Great job. Well done.

Good story-line. Enjoyed it.

I love short stories and took a chance on a long one. I fucking loved and my friend loves it. Thank you for creating this masterpiece. It's far better than any short story as well

Tender and touching, very well written! Erotic and very exciting!

I thought the story was a fantastic read. The comments, other than those from the "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" readers, were positive and encouraging. Great premise with a believable level of angst, building into a climax of penetration caused by their love for each other. It was like a great symphony. I loved it.

Good love story! Wish you had described a long chapter with cunnilingus and you even stopped the blowjob half way! Natural progression would have been toCal to have given her pussy a long lick and given Tara’s pretty pussy a thorough tonguing licking and tongue fucking!

The buildup of tension in this story feels a lot like A Journey in the Amazon (both good stories, by the way). Excellent job in fleshing out the story and the characters.

Worth the read! The characters are hot, realistic. With her PhD so close, Tara put everything on the line. Lucky girl! Cal was on the other side of that line. Together, Tara and Cal make a very charismatic couple.

This is a delicious story, well written and just simply hot!

If civilization were left to Women we would Still be living in grass huts.

Sorry, but Male led tribes are better because they servive longer.

Of course the incest was going to happen. That's not what I mean by predictable. What was predictable was the sister's deceit and the brother quick acceptance. To many of the great stories like this involve one family member deceiving the other into a highly uncomfortable situation and the other family member has a quick outburst followed by a quicker acceptance. To make matters worse in this case she reveals her deception in three stages, and each time his acceptance is quicker. Even though after the second one when he found out he had to be naked as well, he demanded that she not keep anything else hidden, and she agreed (lying to him again). In what turned out to be the most important information that they were to be wed!!! I Love these stories the Incest stories like these are the best because they try so hard to show the love growing between the family members to justify it's acceptance in "modern" society. It's true romance, it's beautiful. But, it's a LIE. because, the reaction of the deceived is a lie. I would expect more of a blow up, more second guessing, more time to agree, just more. I know it would draw out the story, and I guess the Authors that try this type of story use this same short cut to move the story along. I get it. I just wish I could read a story like this where the Author did NOT take the short cut. That being said, This Is A GREAT story! I enjoyed it and I'm sure I'll read it again. Thank You.

Don't think there's anything with predictable. I had fun reading it that's what matters eh!

How about a full blown sequel? Maybe a cousin or something that wants them to do something similar when a tribe is male dominant and where every male has two or more bisexual wives?

Great writing and storytelling. I also thought it was predictable but who cares? It was a fantastic read.

The only turn off was bare pussy's. I don't like women looking like a six year old. I come from a generation of real men, not the wimps of today...

VmAXEu

I did like it, no body hair and all. While somewhat predictable, it was still an engaging story. BTW: I looked at several naked sites starring women who shaved it all. I didn't see a single one that looked six years old. I found them all beautiful. So, I guess even after 20 years in the military, I'm not a "real" man. Takes all kinds I suppose. Even those hiding behind their anonymous comment.

There were not many problems, but there were enough that I guarantee it needs proofreading.

Thank you for taking the time to write such a long story. The build up was very enjoyable. The characters and the setting of how they come together in such a situation was as believable as i have come across.

Well done for such an enjoyable read with great sex tension and sex.

Love these longer stories that are more properly built up. Great job!

Great story! I love stories with a long slow build up and those that continue well beyond first sex. I like reading about how their love grows in the aftermath. And, I loved the 'they lived happily ever after' epilogue. I'm disappointed every time I read a two page story that ends with "they had sex for the first time - the end".

time reading this and it was as beautiful as the first time! Wonderful story!

I love any longer build up stories in which the couple/siblings fall in love and commit to each other. Keep writing more like this!

Beautiful story indeed, I could not put it down until I finished it. Love a sibling romance especially one that makes babies.

I really enjoyed this story. Loved the three part wedding where you can feel the sexual tension building.

Would have loved an alternative finish where they don't go back. They have this perfect life there, felt sad they went back to the States

Amazing story. My one disappointment was not being able to give it 10 stars.

Today I read the story from the first to the last page. In one through. And reminded me of my early youth while describing the jungle expedition. Reading comics about jungle expeditions, in great pictures, some anticipating what Lara Croft would later discover. --- Then this wonderful love story. About a woman, as any reader might imagine her, beautiful and erotic.

Great story, really.

High five from Germany.

Thanks for writing such a Great Story! I did not want it to end!

Your story "Native Sister" is very intertaining

5*. For me,it just ended to soon...... still a 'Great Story' .

This is the most beautifully detailed story I have ever read on this sit, or any site. You could feel the passion through every word you read and kept me reading on, not even noticing when it was done.

This is my favorite erotica. I don't even think it should be called that.

In agreement with GirlWatchin, I wanted to give ten stars at the end of this story. The amount of detail that went into creating a foriegn culture, and assimilating two westerners into it was amazing! And then, to cap it off, the agonizingly slow progression of two siblings into lovers, with all the angst accompanying that process, was breathtaking. My thanks, and appreciation, it was a wonderful story. I drooled, you know, down there...

Great story, just love it!!!

An absolutely amazing story. One of the best brother, sister tales on Lit.

Scores a well deserved 5/5.

should be a 10 or higher,, one of the best erotic stories I have ever read..

I agree about it being a 10.

good tale, well written, lots of detail. I wouldn't have "wasted" the first 2 wedding nights. LOL

Good story but with a lacking of pussy eating.

Woaaaaaaah, amazingly written with all perfect details.

This was a great story. It was long and logical. I may have read it before several years ago. I love the brother and sister situation as it involves making love. One complaint that I have is the incorrect use of the term vagina for the volva of the sister. The outward part of the female sexual parts is properly the volva or pussy or outside lips or other terms. The vagina is only the inside sleeve to admired by us men.

5/5. Most excellent!

Outstanding! Brilliant! Very well done! An enjoyable read indeed. The faux coitus was painfully erotic. I just have one critique; it was too short. A lovely ending, but you could have drawn out their settlement back into the 21st century a bit, maybe added some family drama. Yes,..yes, I know what you're thinking. There's always someone out there that isn't satisfied with a perfect story. How about chapter 2?? 5 stars of course.

I loved it as it had a great story line not iust siblings hooking up there was actually love before that

This the second time i read it and I liked it more that then first time.

Great story. 5 starts. TO ANON: 6 months ago. If you're going to correct the author, use the proper term. VULVA not volva

You know contrary to popular belief if someone was to have a baby with a close relative there is no Danger the child will be mutated defects that only happens when each generation of blood relatives have sex and children but just 1 generation like this there is no jepodery in that happening

Felt too corny to finish. The kind that leads me to believe the author is kind of a tool.

Beautifully written.

Wonderful! I loved almost everything about this story. Good writing!

Technical note: I noted two instances of "vagina" that were incorrect, where "vulva" was meant. In the situation described, he was looking at her vulva, and her vagina would not have been visible at all. I didn't notice any other spelling/grammar errors. Good editing, too!

Fantastic story. Great tension, creative plot, sexy scenes, and good writing. Not a fan of the lying by the sister but that is more personal than a knock on the story. 5/5 Thanks for sharing.

[11.08.22]

Fun und Interesting!

11/10!!!!!

Perfect story 5 stars. I love it so much

Ruined by him be an asshole that would fuck the wife of a paying customer at the start. Pity, because it ruined his character, right out the gate.

i really enjoyed reading this beautiful love story. It was well written ended in a “happily ever after” which is my favorite kind a story with a little kink added to it! ;-p”

It was well written and I like the happily ever after. I’m also glad the females did cuck him. But my personal preferences just get in the way of me enjoying it , I hate deception in a situation like this between two people that have a existing relationship and an expectation of trust friends/family. I get that it was necessary for the story and to be realistic. What would be an interesting what if is if he committed suicide when she said they were expected to be lovers early on in the story. What the villagers reaction would be and her reaction would be Gold.

Absolutely amazing story. I loved the buildup of each session, ending of course with the no blanket and no way to fake it. Then finally needing to fuck was super hot due to the long buildup. This story is superb and I will definitely revisit this one “multiple” times

i love this story. Tara reminds me of an old girlfriend of mine. she would have done this too if she'd needed to, without freaking out or having it turn into something more complicated. just an understanding that this is how things can go sometimes and if you have to have sex with your brother its not the end of the world, and it's just an extension of the love you feel anyway.

Years after me and this girl broke up her younger brother, drunk at a party, told me he used to watch us in her bedroom thru a hole in the wall. It blew my mind - I've spent many nights thinking about this, i cant imagine what he saw as we used to do everything! A few years after that, i told her what he'd said and she just laughed and said well it was probably good for him as he was a growing young man! i'd like to talk to both of them again about this sometime. maybe together...

I enjoyed the beginning I apologize I could not read the whole thing the guy supposed to be a badass I can't stand submissive guys it's a personal issue they piss me off maybe he takes over the village for all I know but I think this story was for girls pride but it's not very realistic

Outstanding!!

Predictable ending, needs some editing (and a bit of accuracy research) and the beginning is unnecessary.

Just establish he left his job as a survival trainer in a hurry.

Two reasons for that last part...

One, it is superfluous to the story about the sister, except to maybe establish he would have sex with somebody 'not his sister', and...

Two, how smart is he supposed to be? Not only is it sad and pretty unethical to have sex with a paying customer who is cheating on her husband just because she had an argument with him, but also...this was the START of the trip! If things go further sideways, four OTHER people who paid big money for a professional guide will be putting up with the now-cheated on husband being rightfully angry and resentful at his wife AND the guide for the rest of the trip.

Writer sets up a guy supposedly trying to be super smart (because SEALS aren't dumb) as pretty much an idiot led by his loins.

The sister lying was not only predictable but also cringey...

Good writing would have gotten to the predictable-but-happy ending without going through the trope with the sister.

Missed opportunities with natives, too...

LASTLY...

To people that get mad about 'anonymous' commenters...

There is very good reason WHY Literotica has that feature.

In a world where there are lawsuits that search engines violate the 'incognito' rules, where everything is searchable with enough effort, if people can't post anonymously, you're telling a HUGE portion of Literotica readers to not only not post, but stop reading. Which will essentially kill off the site. Is that what you want?

Do you complain about such posts when they AGREE with YOU?

Many people have lives/jobs/circumstances that would be lost or taken away if they posted with a trackable name. Even just having an official profile is too risky for some, considering how many data breaches on sites you imagine are far more secure than Lit probably is...

So then you are just saying that freedom of speech is only for those that agree with YOU.

Good thing for everybody else that you don't run Literotica.

This was freaking amazing. I truly enjoyed this love story. Thank you so much for writing it.

That was an absolutely GREAT story! Lots of build up culminating in a final grand 'climax'. Very, very enjoyable.

Was he in the Army, or was it the Air Force? I kept forgetting. Fortunately we were reminded multiple times per page, as it was so relevant to the story!

Chapter 2 - Kyle and his sister Tara had a great marriage and a sensational sex life. Kyle and Tara fucked each other constantly. Kyle impregnated his sister, and now his wife, Tara eleven more times over the next twenty- two years, and their family grew to six daughters and six sons.

I'm not sure how I ended up with this particular tale. This isn't a fetish of mine. That said, I thoroughly enjoy reading this. I laughed hard at the testicle grab. Good shite. Well written and gripping (No pun intended). Cheers!

This is one of the more touching stories I’ve read. I do have to say that brother should have clued in to the full significance of a marriage ritual. - It’s a shame that people are required to quash their nature and internal desires because of rules that are impractical.

For such a long story (relative to many Literotica entries) this didn't drag or seem tedious at all. I really enjoyed this jungle tale. I also really liked the setting and the choice of making the primitive community matriarchal in nature. Not to mention how loving the relationship between Tara and Cal was portrayed. 5/5* Fav