All Comments on 'Nighttime Confessions: A New Beginning'

You did a good job with this story. Maybe you should write your own original one.

Boyd

Terribly overwritten!

There is some potential here... but lose the attitude.

Don't really think the characters are in sync with capecodmercurys original story.

the story is more like a second rate script. not smooth enough as a story.

i actually saw a movie --- recent, with Ethan Hawk? --- about a couple meeting in Paris again for the second time after their first wild sex 10 hence past: the dialogue is as bad as the script here: all you see in the movie, like you see here, is a couple talking in cliche lines, making false gestures, smiling painful smiles which don't want to smile; one shot here, one shot there, with no wide panning of the camera. it's painful to watch

you should write an original story; in such a case, we won't be able to juxtapose your ending to the another author, however you end it --- indeed, however you write it.

again, your script conjurs up exaggerated faces like Clinto Eastwood or Harrison Ford, trying to look and sound really knowledgeable, important, big, righteous, avenging, ad nauseam. it looks really stupid to have that much testosterone running through your [the false protagonist's] system,,,,

the other two or three "endings" were much more sophisticated, with dialogues from both Don and Meg that were much more believable, less contrited, even if seemingly unsatisfying or even idiotic (especially Meg's excuses) at some spots,,,

...to laugh or what! That is one of the worst stories I've read. It was completely rediculous, completely overboard, and completely without credibility. One thing positive I can say is that you have an imagination. However, it's the type that causes some people to be confined in padded cells.

A complex tale, full of twists and turns. Guess what? I know Uncle Joe, he's actually my uncle, lol. Thanks FF.

That phrase was in the first paragraph and it went downhill from there. Is it possible to be any more redundant? This story wasn't hard to believe, it was impossible to believe. 14 inch cocks have more credibility than this. Try a more realistic approach next time.

for this, you or the editor. I know I rag on people a lot, but I have this complaint: I see a lot of stories come across here which have an editor credited. As I read them I have to ask, "Was the editor sober when he did this?"

Spellcheckers miss things, if you are using Word, it will give conflicting grammar advice, so I try to avoid commenting on those errors unless they are especially egreious. But the sentence "the start of a new beginning" was a strobing red light announcing there was trouble down the road.

Everyone will give you different ideas and comments. Mine are, you tried to a) pack way to much into the story b) you need to learn about foreshadowing c) make people in the story characters , not characatures.

There was nothing in the original story to even really hint that this guy thought like this. Therefore his later actions were inconsistent with the already developed persona. Same with the Megster, but less so with Phil. He was an asshole all the way through.

I don't want to list every little error I found or flaw in characterization or plot. I don't think that helps any new writer. We are all too thin skinned for that! If you read through the story I think you can see what I mean.

Continue to write by all means but find an editor whom you trust and will work with you to develop story telling and will challenge you when you use redundant sentences!

Regards,

C

I would love to say that I really liked your idea of how the story played out from Capecodmercury's ending, but I can't say that.

I really have a couple problems with your story.

1.) You created James Bond where Capecodmercury didn't. Don was shown as a quiet mild mannered guy. You turned him into the ultimate macho revenge machine. Computer hacker, mob ties, hidden off shore accounts, a get out of town quick package in the trunk of the car, and a gun that he knew how to use. How did that fit with Capecodmercury's version of the guy? Somehow I don't see it as the same guy. Even in anger. That was one thing that started it down hill for me.

And the other was:

2.) The revenge theme. Here's why this theme is one of my personal pet peeves. The husband always get violent with the guy who sleeps with his wife. How ever he never gets that way with the wife and always by the end of the story the wife and the husband are back together like nothing ever really happened, because once the husband got his revenge on the other guy for "daring" to have sex with his wife all is right in the world. He got to teach the other guy a lesson and fought for his woman. What is this, the 3rd grade?? And what she's blameless now because she's sorry after the fact???

Often in the past when I had asked a author why they wrote a story this way, I'm often told its because they felt the wife was truely sorry, tried to prove it to the husband, and the other guy really isn't otherwise he would have had sex with their wives. That's plain bull. The other guy might be sorry too, but now he has to prove it to "HIS" wife not the other guy.

Think about it, Meg didn't try to make anything up to Phil's wife, she has no intention of ever seeing her. In these stories the only person she ever tries to reconcile with was Don, why doesn't she prove to everyone how sorry she is by trying to prove it to Phil's wife too? She "was" a factor in screwing up Phil's marriage too. Regardless of whether she was the first or last woman Phil slept with, she aided in its damage.

Having the husband rough up the other guy is just lame and stupid. If he's going to forgive the wife, he should forgive the other guy. If he's going to get physical with the other guy, then you see where I'm going. I don't agree with a husband in a story "EVER" touching the wife for any reason, so I know you know how I feel about him hitting the other guy.

Unless the wife was raped, then they were both willing. Having him abuse one partner for a willing sex act and not the other is totally not stupid and childish as far as I'm concerned. =(

Sorry but those points really killed the story for me.

-Risq

Risq's comments that the revenge was too extreme. Just think about this - two consenting adults get together in a conference and have sex then Rambo comes in to break the guy's knee, threaten his family with death and tell the woman that she must now be his slut.

You totally mischaracterized the first story by capecodmercury. In his story Meg willingly gave herself to Phil. The gang of swingers were not this sinister group out to seduce her. In fact, her description of her time with Phil reinforced the point that she entered the session with her eyes wide open. She was in control throughout the whole time. Only when she realized that Phil was not Don did she get up and leave the group.

I also read "Nighttime Confessions - Continued" by Blue88 which had a second part showing how Don dispositioned the situation (I guess this story was a replacement for his second chapter Nighttime Confessions - Concluded).

So in the sequel to this story do Phil lie in wait for Don and family to return from Italy to get his revenge on them for destroying his life? Do Phil enter the world outside of the law so he can get the resosurces to strike back at them? Now when Meg cheats on Don does she go to Uncle Joe's people so she can hide it from Don?

SleeplessinMD

i realize that Meg was naughty but once she found out she didn't really know her husband at all,she should have got out of Dodge,quickly. according to you Don is really a homicadal maniac and should be shot on sight!

actually what you tried to do is rarely successful. you weren't successful,either. you took Don's character and tried to recreate him. this character and his demeaner had already been well established and fit the story very well. trying to make him 'mister nice guy' again at the end of your story also fails because it makes everything you tried to establish previously,pointless.

don

I have to thank the original Author Capecodmercury for all the wonderful things his great start of a story line in “Nighttime Confessions” has produced. I believe it has had two new writers come to the forefront and try their hand at writing because of this fantasy story. Sir I hope you are proud of the way you set up all this interest and controversy by this one offering of yours.

I want to say I know the two of you put a lot of hard work in writing this story. I think you made a very good try at it. I don’t know how many couples out there co-write material but to me it seems a great idea.

I didn’t get into this story of Rambo the husband and the first time slut wife breaking in a clear mind so soon after the tryst. I don’t need to go into all the things I found to outrageous for me personally. I have read more then once each story variation and chapter of “Nighttime Confessions”. I am predisposed to certain ideas that need to be addressed and carry all the information of other stories so it’s hard to just look at your version without subconsciously comparing to everything I have previously read.

This is not my cup of tea as it was too outrageous for me so it took away my enjoyment. I will give your first attempt a 100 because I love you two trying so hard to make this your own ending. I will catch more hell then usual for voting this way but I’m used to it and I don’t care.

Please send an original story for all of us to read. Between the two of you I will bet it will be about fidelity and probably with erotic, romantic or exhibitionist with voyeurs but I’m sure it will be sexy and entertaining.

Thank you for your effort, I don’t know how all the writers on here find the time and patients to do all these stories, but you two now know.

With respect

Peggytwitty.

at all.

You blithely changed Don's character completely, went over the top with the revenge, and relied way too much on lots of undefined technology.

Didn't gel on any level. And, as others have mentioned, "Any ending is also the start of a new beginning" is so flowery as to be ridiculous. I am loathe to "dis" editors because I well know what a difficult job it is, but please, what do the words 'the start of' add to the sentence?

Pure crap. Completely unrealistic. Has nothing to do with what the original author of this story had as a concept. Ugh. I see no pain, the only emotion present in this story is revenge. Any woman with a brain would have run--run fast!

This is a great "escapist" ending to a really sad original story. Also, in case the other commenters that were so negitive didn't catch on, THIS IS FICTION! boneheads! It is just as legitimate a point of view and ending as any other. It doesn't have to be real. If all stories had to be real then authors like Ludlum, Fleming, Clancy, etc would be writing obits or something equally exciting.

Also, in "real life", most of the guys I know, including myself, would bust an assholes head for fucking their wives. Her being "consenting" isn't the point between a husband and some interloping fuckhead. Frankly, I wouldn't give a shit if they were invited by the wife or not. I would probably run her sorry ass off afterwards but that is between her and I.

Soooo, ForeverFaithful, this story was just fine as you presented it, keep on writing what you feel like and don't be dissuaded by those that think stories have to be "real" and that husbands have to be pussies. I look forward to your next story

another ending to a good story

Didn't work for me. As near as I can tell, the only similarity between the original story and this one are the names of the two characters. As escapist fantasy, it's marginally tolerable. As thought-provoking fiction a la the original, it's a miserable failure.

Good read, but Still a wimp!

I could hardly believe this was not a PARODY on extreme revenge... With all the toys that hubby uses and pretends to have big strong friends everywhere who know every thing through imaginary network which can see every thing... How old is this guy?? <P>

But, believe it or not, that part is relatively innocent (if funny) and was not what annoyed me most.

The pretence of a gutsy approach towards marriage in crisis was the real nuisance for me. First the author degrade the wife by infantilizing her, like she (unlike her lover) does not even rise to any level of a serious culpability. How is that? You know, she is just a woman, or just a wife - so what does she know. Instead, it’s apparently the role of the macho male to huff and puff against the accidental male who stepped on the husband’s turf; turn HIM not the wife into a cripple. I just can't seem to remember this guy EVER promising a thing to the disgruntled hubby (like not coming on to his wife), unlike the wife who despite being married to him never trusted him and then to top it all broke her marriage commitment not to cheat...It's called misplaced anger. But the weak husband can't acknowledge that (or else he would not be so weak).<P>

One may ask why would a theme of a wimp husband punishing mostly the minor characters while only making empty threats towards the wife (which she can read right through) make for such a weak story? It's because there is no hint from the implied author that indeed the husband is such a weak and insecure character. And turning the wife into a walking sex doll is a further proof how weak and insecure this husband is. I am not describing the husband in a pejorative way, but failing to recognize who the husband is and what he is doing and then misidentifying his weaknesses as somehow being demonstrations of strength, is kind of sad...talk about total lack of awareness.

A light fantasy to amuse us.

Why get serious gang?

I would say that the key that justified the reconciliation was the quick telephone call to her husband. That put the Avenger off his stride...

Nor for grammar and such but for the motivation of the characters. Their emotions fly in all directions with no way the reader can understand. A real mess

Easily one of the three worst attempts at writing I have ever read.

took the slut back what a worthless man.

would have left her right then and filed for divorce.

its just to hard to be any kind of believable so i give it LOW MARKS

So I have no problem with the believability......not at all. Who's to say ??? I rather enjoyed the change of pace.....I thought I was reading faster and could hardly wait for the next page.

Well done. Good imagining and conceiving and wordsmithing. Thanks.

completely at odds with the original story. And too unbelievable even for fiction.

an over the top story like this is fun but the realistic one pack more punch.

ones I should have said. Embarrassing English on my part.

too over-the-top to be any kind of enjoyable.

Never could get a handle on this one. Very gentle BTB with minimal damage to the bastard.

A little difficult to follow but I liked the intricacies and complexity.

I don't know, I didn't read the other story. I have an uncle Joe. His name isn't Uncle Joe, but it could be, I guess. I never had to ask for his help, but then everyone knew I had an Uncle Joe. Good story line. Keep writing.

XYZ

Up to the point of the 33rd wedding anniversary description, the MC comes across as a person with bipolar bipolar who is in the midst of a manic episode so severe he is also suffering from a paranoid and persecutory psychosis. The entire "web assassin" concept seems the product of a diseased and disordered mind. The wife's primary concern would have been to prevent the MC from getting anywhere close to her children. He could have turned on them in an instant.

This was messy crap. Nothing made any sense.

MC needs to see a shrink asap. This was difficult to read. Bit of a mess really.