All Comments on 'No Shame Taken, Just Returned'

A read.

No real story there. 2*

Some heavy duty shit in this tale. The bottom line, don't fuck with my sister. I think like that also.

Five Stars

Get it outta LW. 1* you ass fucker.

if only it were that easy to get rid of the sickos.

betrayedbylove also. Both are sicko's who put new meaning to "thinning the herd.!"

nicely done, handled well

Nuff said!

If he had everything in his house recorded, why did it take three weeks for these guys to be arrested?

@Drbeamer3333: "If he had everything in his house recorded, why did it take three weeks for these guys to be arrested?"

"I held off these three weeks at their request, waiting for their investigation to finish."

But when I am talking about my brother in law, I call him by name. Now, the author used that title to identify the antagonist. This is because this is very short and wants development.

Right now, people may or may not be fist pumping for righteous revenge but we don't know what happened, who was involved and we are not emotionally invested in the circumstance except for the natural horror a bystander has when something happens horrible happens to strangers.

Write longer.

This, then, becomes the ultimate example of how so many people on this site vote for an ideal, or a way of thinking and behaving...but not for a story.

There's nothing really wrong with the base premise. It's just that it hasn't been developed beyond just that. There's no characterization, no motion, no dramatic suspense or desperate hope for what will happen next. The author clearly understands that a lot of people here only vote based on whether they got the ending they wanted. They don't care about or much value the journey there, or they wouldn't vote five stars for a story that is ONLY an ending. So he gives a story like this, and in doing so poses the question, "why write anything at all, besides just the end?"

Nothing about any LW in this story.

First - there isn't a "loving wife " in sight. So you posted this in the wrong category. HUGE mistake.

Second -WAY too little information in this to make it a decent story. No background on anyone, no detail covering anyone's actions and certainly no reasons for anyone's actions.

As a flash story this just didn't create any interest and it certainly wasn't entertaining.

Perfectly put. It is not the destination, it is the journey in a story.

Don't mind the the neg response if their only complaint is wrong category....

That's how it must be done. Always call the police after getting proof.

Where is there a loving wife? We don't even know if the protagonist is married. As someone else said, it was also way too short, no background at all. I can only attribute this to laziness on the part of the writer. Obviously, you know how to write but weren't interested enough to put any real effort into the story.. Why then write anything at all?

Best I could do was give you a half-assed score for a half-assed effort on writing a story.

What sort of a idiot would consider this to belong in the loving wives category?

What a pile of pathetic crap!

Although I can sympathize with the intent of the story, there was no background (wrong), no plot or even storyline (wrong), and this certainly had no real sense to it . You expect us to believe that a man would willingly allow himself to be sexually assaulted, with people watching, just to get evidence (wrong)?! And you think that real, honest cops are going to just sit there and watch (wrong)?

Wrong idea, wrong execution and certainly the wrong damn category!

...the stupidest "story" ever posted to this site. Seriously. What was the point of posting this? It isn't even half a story. As others pointed out, it's an ending without a beginning or middle. Was there a technical error when you submitted this?

And why on earth did you submit it in this category?

SMH.

As an FYI, when one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed. If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative.

<P>

When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

Failure to develop ANY of the characters is much more serious. Plausibility is another ... how the fuck do you talk four church-going heads-of-family into repeatedly gang cornholing / oral raping of a guy who is protecting his wife from her abusive brother? I think it would be hard to assemble such a gang even within a criminal-rich environment!

The apparently uncorrelated investigation against the Mayor culminates after three weeks of abuse? Good it wasn't longer, because Hubby might have caught 'Stockholm Syndrome' and started looking forward to the visits! Pity the time wasn't shorter, because tissue irritation would increase the opportunity for any HIVirus to 'take!'. BUT ... why was the one crime tolerated because of a familial link to the other crime? Maybe the 'victim' just pissed off the investigators! I know Hubby's initial address to the congregation irritated me!

2*

LMFAO agreed SwingerJoe is the queen of horrible stories that being said, this isnt a,story, Its an outline to a story. And a pretty bad one at that. Surprised that SwingerJoe and Frontlinecaster dont like it. I thought they enjoyed male rape.

Probably too busy getting their asses plowed to realize it.

It is a flash story - could it have been done better sure. That would be true every story posted. Where is the wife? His sister was the wife of the chief perp. We have to assume she loved her a hole husband. Just because the wife wasn't the wife of the protagonist does not mean it is not LW material.

I usually like short stories, ones I can read in my lunch break, but this is really lacking in information. Clearly something happened to make these men think Jack Murphy deserved to be raped, but what was that bad? Please tell us more.

so the house was wired yet he let them rape him several times and beat on him and threaten him many Times... WHY?

Does the law view 1 gang rape different from the the 3rd or 6th or 9th ?

Otherwise it shows some promise.

I liked it. I read the comments panning it, but I can understand why someone who wanted justice, along with a good dose of legally obtained revenge, could choose such a path. If the financial rewards are considered along with the man's desire to ensure the safety of his sister, then yes, a few beatings and sexual assaults might be worth it. I may have also noticed something that other commenters overlooked, the reference to aids. If the man was gay, and had, or might have, aids and be a bit of a masochist perhaps that could explain why he would be both willing to endure multiple sexual assaults and the beatings and not care if they became public knowledge. Just speculation on my part, but the aids reference made me think of it.

Should be Non-Erotic or maybe, and it's a big maybe Forced Non-Consent. That being said, it reads like the end of a screenplay or something. The writing itself reads like a rough draft.

&

without context why try?

meh

Way too many loose ends. Not enough character development to even determine how good of a story it could have been. It did have potential.

Everyone else summed it up: I have no reason to care. You didn't invest in a story I would invest feelings in. And yes, it screams promise.

Unfulfilled.

to finish the damn story.

I'm big fan of the flash format and you have executed it well. You succeded in getting the characters and the story across in I guess around 500 words or 1 page. Late in early out and got the story told. Again, great work.

Just read through all the other comments. Guess some people don't appreciate the skill involved in getting it all done in a flash story. I picked it up in the "revenge" filter and it certainly is that! The AIDS reference certainly is thought provoking, and that'just what a flash story is supposed to do.

Why is this a loving wives story?

And is all it takes to be a 'good' flash story a guy getting revenge on someone else? Because that's the impression I get from the commenters here.

....a flash story is short to the point without allot of development. A good flash story is one that can elicit a strong emotional response for the characters and thought provoking.

Good job. 4.5

But otherwise, well put together and explains how the incident started from beginning to end.

I love the format, but this one didn't quite work. I read it a few times to see if I could figure why.

First, it does have the classic "late in" beginning. The deed is already done and we are dealing with the aftermath. However, it doesn't have the "early out" of a good flash tale, nor the little twist in the tail. That lets it down. Flash stories never have a resolution, that is left to the reader.

Secondly, no effective dialogue! The monologue is simple exposition and it doesn't work. There are no interactions between characters.

Finally, not sure you got the character voice or the tense right. Have to think on that!

Good flash is not easy to write. Your story idea is very good, the telling ddidn't quite work.

Cheers

Norm.

Loved the story! You did a great job in leading us readers into the situation and left us to try to determine the depth of Jack's strength after such a determined effort to intimidate and humiliate him. Then choosing the location for his revenge was excellent. What better place than in front of their friends, family and peers? I've never had to face anything like that but for it being only a "flash" story could almost feel his pain and then whatever satisfaction he might get from devestating the perpetrators. Good job!

Critics every where and none of them capable of sticking their thumb up their ass with both hands.

Lighten up you dickwads it's just a story and IMHO the writer did his very best. That's all he can be asked to do.

Now those qualified to do so, come back with the locations of the stories you've written and we'll critique them for you.

Sorry, but I found it hard to reconcile the victim being willing to put up with WEEKS of abuse to collect evidence.

There are no secrets in prison. I cannot tell if Jack's brother-in-law is white, or whatever. But if he is white, he stands roughly a 60 percent chance of being sexually assaulted in prison. Courts may render verdicts and sentence people to jail. But justice is administered behind prison bars.

Thank you. I have been wanting to correct writers here for months, if not years, on this very subject. Might I add, never put conversations by two different people in the same paragraph. Also, try to avoid the pitfalls of "he said" or "she said". Sometimes the only person who knows who is talking is the writer, because the readers sure don't.

And my biggest pet peeve is writers identify the narrator in the first few paragraphs of the first page, and he is never identified again. This is pure laziness on the part of a writer. Surely his name can be mentioned in conversations on the last page?

Sounds like good revenge, the more public, the better.

I generally don't bother to read flash stories as most I've read I didn't like. This one makes it past the limitations of its format to tell something worth hearing.

Thank you for sharing it.

Biggest issue I have is when an author always has someone have a family member as a mayor and also in this case hidden gold and drugs? Kind of ruined it for me.

I've got relatives from small towns and it's not totally out of the question. Friends in Lousiana have told me a couple of stories that they've (near) witnessed that would fit some of the story line. With the dropping of charges in Chicago of that actor playing the race card...shit is all over. Hope the civil suits hit him hard. In Lit, what I dislike is when the male lead always had a 8" big as a coke can.... Wieliczka

I think the story was just too short. It didn't provide enough information - only snippets. The reasons why, the actions and repercussions aren't examined closely enough for the reader to get a real feel for what has happened. UGH!

I think flash stories have to limit their scope. There is so much open here that I feel much has been left unsaid and is hard to intuit.

Still a good story, but it would be great for the author to expand it to a longer story. This would make for a really interesting multi part epic. It's fine as it is ,but it would be fun to read a longer version.

But I would really like the story behind it.

The premise of this submission is four church-going men with families choose to assist a fifth man who is seeking to locate his wife after she has left their physically abusive relationship. These four men are so convinced of the importance and righteousness of the wife's forced return they are literally willing to rape the wife's brother in an effort to learn her location. The concerns about HIV and other STDs implies each man forced the victim to engage in unsafe homosexual acts because he chose to protect his sister. Each of them evidently found the situation sufficiently arousing to achieve an erection.

Sorry but this is an implausible, melodramatic fantasy. Bleah....

Should happen more in real life like this.

So many stories here without endings. Here’s an ending without a story.

No police would allow him to continue to be raped to “buy time for the investigation.” That would make them complicit in the crimes. It would never happen.

Glad there's a part 2...

Continuation of the abuse for three weeks when it was all being caught on sound and video is too much of a flaw for this story. 2 stars.

Reading again and thinking how much we need the rest of this story.

There needs to be soooo much more given for this to make any sense

Soooooooo much missing from this story.

Yes, this doesn't hang together rationally. A nonsense story. Four men with wives and children attending church use homosexual rape as the means for them to find his sister. Yeah right.

jfinders it might be somewhat advisable not to dismiss this story to quickly. You just might be surprised to learn how close to reality this story is,