All Comments on 'Not Your Typical Romance'

You need to keep track of who's saying what! There's a whole section in the middle where it's almost impossible to follow what's going on, as the first-person perspective keeps jumping around.

Other than that... OK. (But rated down to a 3, due to the above)

You need to say who's saying what.

Dialogue need not be difficult to write.

Start with one basic technique and the others will come evenutally.

Separate each character's statements/questions/etc by paragraphs. You might also include a noun/pronoun and a verb, usually past tense in the simplest cases.

Example:

"Where is the diner?", Jill asked.

Anna replied, "Just down the street a few blocks".

Jill thought a moment and exclaimed, "Let's Go!".

"Let's".

The last sentence "broke" the rule. By the end of the exchange, though, a pattern had been established and the reader could easily tell Anna said it.

You might want to throw in a few nouns/pronouns and verbs to keep readers on track even after you've established the pattern.

*Where's the rest of it?!*

Everybody's complaining about the dialogue, I just want a damn sequel!