All Comments on 'Obsession Ended, Another Started'

Started OK but the whole bit after dad's speech is way too rushed, & the part where she tries to "seduce" him with the dress belies her contrition. Also I'd like to see mother's ass get kicked good and hard, but that's only a personal preference. I'd like them to get back together, maybe you could re-write the last bit at the same time.

This was a confusing piece of dribble. You never even mentioned the name of the original story that you were expanding. Fortunately, I recognized that story from the names of the characters, but did you ask the author permission to change their work?

Regardless, your story was a mess. You even had editorial comments inserted in parentheses towards the end. In fact, at the conclusion I still do not understand that exchange about the dress. What was that about?

This story cried out for an editor (and a clear thought process).

why do you not write more and why is this story so short. when i'm enjoying a read, i want it to fo on forever.

What would the children want their parents to do? No one appears to have given them any consideration.

this isn't the same story, the characters are different.

you turned the husband into a wimp, and the wife into an understanding woman. and mommy into a non entity.

But why didn't you go ahead and finish it? How to end it? If you can convince us she truly loves him and wil completely change into an adoring wife then get them back together.

Yep, if she is truly sincere thereis no reason to end the marriage and take mom away from the kids. I'm sure the kids would survive but it's tougher without a mom.

Somebody here forgot that Daddy told Mommy to SHUT UP. And Kyle has always said he loved her; just had had too much!

I realize that you have the title of the original in your title but I did not see an acknowledgement of the orginal author, Longhorn_07.

Interesting slant on the mind set of Peggy.

i wouldn't buy a wang gown finish by j.c.penny.what i'm saying is why everybody not finishing their own writings.it is hard to think like someone else,their plots and ideals.it changes the the whole concept of the story.

What this story really seems to be about is AtomicD's ego. Let the characters and the action tell the story, writer, (if there is one to tell) and spare us your obnoxious, italicized musings.

I'm not an expert on copyright infringement, but this story has my characters, my storyline and even uses the title of my story “Obsession.” I did not give away the rights on my creative endeavors just because I posted my story on a free website and I have not given you permission to do an “epilogue” to my story using almost every element introduced in my original work. Just what the heck is going on here Mr. AtomicD?

I knew something was wrong. This story is so poorly written and conceived that I had a hard time thinking Longhorn__07 had given his permission for such a follow on piece. Now it appears he has not. This is shameful.

DELETE DELETE

Infidelity is a very common, and possible thing. We place too much emphasis on moral monogamy in our society.

could have been a good story. Should have had the orginal authors ok. And with his ok you should have finished it

I have to say that I liked the original story from Longhorn_07 better because for once, when I read a story, it wasn't about how horrible the wife was and the husband still took her back like she was the only available woman willing to have the husband. It had some intresting concequences for a cheating wife that held no regard for the husband or his feelings.

I appologize up front to Longhorn_07, but to steal a quote from him "directly" from his blog about the original story:

"Some people want me to write a sequel to “Obsession.” I don’t have any plans to do that right now. In the last scene, I have “Kyle” telling his wife (I’m paraphrasing here) that she’s just worn him down and there’s nothing left (with which to try to work things out). That’s kind of the way I feel about that story right now. There’s just nothing left to add to it because the deliberate cruelty, deceit, and betrayal that goes along with a purposeful, planned act of adultery is too far over the top."

That borrowed quote from his blog kinda spells out that, for the time being, the author didn't have your ending in mind of putting the husband and wife back together. I'm just curious why you decided to?

But its sorta sad that someone who willing to take the time to write for the site wouldn't either, make sure the author was ok with their interpertation of their work, or write their own free standing story as not to upset the original author's concept of the story.

But as it stands, I see that Longhorn_07 isn't happy about what you decided to do.

I believe this author is protected by the fair use of a copyrighted material, since he is not making any money out of it, didn't alter the original story and passed it off as his own creation.

This is kinda like many fanfiction stories you see on the net. As long as they acknowledge that the characters are not theirs and they are not making money out of it, then it's okay.

However, many fanfic sites will remove a story, if the copyright owner ask for it, out of respect to the owner.

If Atomic has any integrity, he will remove this story if Longhorn ask.

AtomicD, By now you should be getting the message that you should not have written this story. Taking another author's work and adding to it without his/her permission is unethical. You say in your intorductionn that you wrote this becasue someone requested an epilog in the comments after the original story was posted. I believe that request was intended for Longhorn_7 and that he had already decided that he was not going to add to the original story. I believe that I am not alone in thinking that you should remove this story from the site.

I have no clue as to what the "copy right infringement" clause has to say about these things ----

but as far as the story goes, it's about average ("bad" only when one decides to factor in many other negative things: the original author has not agreed to it, the over-story's not well planned, etc.)

contrary to what the very able Salamis said, I, again, say this second part --- despite its lack of planning --- is rather average; not the best but certainly not the worst I've seen, either.

what I like particularly was the little "moral" monologue from Peg's Dad. The morality may not be yours, or mine, but it is PEG'S FATHER's moral beliefs. As he said, while she was growing up, he's not with her enough to have an influence on her.

this, to me, is MUCH MUCH better than all the tons of tears and recrimination (most are false anyway) women usually do when they are confronted by their husband, when the latter found out.

chimps and other great apes --- very close cousins of ours --- do not have moral, at least to the degree homo sapiens have. sex to them is mostly for procreation, problem solving (as among the bonobos; as Jane Goodall chimps resort to sex a bit less than the bonobos), and passing on genes.

sex, for homo sapiens, in addition to those other great apes go by, is also for MORALITY teaching/building: to teach a certain beliefs, practices, etc. on notions of right and wrong, morality, norms, acceptable acts and behaviors.

"everyone does it, too (anyone who pretends to be moral and all that crap is just being hypocritical)", ETC. is an excuse --- not a cogent behavior as to why YOU should also do it.

again, despite the vehemence from other reviewers, I LIKED this "unauthorized" sequal, its poor planning (as noted) notwithstanding,,,,

I still disagree.

If I had to look at the story on its own merits, its kinda short and has not enough background to tell whats going on. To understand what this story is about, you have to read the original authors story. If you do that, and also read the original authors thoughts, you see that the author didn't feel that after he wrote this story the husband "Could" accept the wife back. That his story was all there was to tell. But "AtomicD" decided to write in a new path where he felt it would be possible to put them back together. The only thing he did was develop the character of Peggy's father, and "that" was still alien to what Longhorn envisioned her father doing.

Sorry that's just bad form. The original author refused to write anymore at the present, and AtomicD decided to use those characters (albeit blatently) to continue on the original author's story. If AtomicD felt that it should have gone a different direction, why didn't he just write his "own" story so he could have the character act the way he wanted them to. Like any one of a hundred different authors on this board is currently doing?

Really can't see defending someone that does this.

And yes fanfic writers can be sued if they do something that is out of character for a given character or abuses a copyright. Not saying that Longhorn has a court case here, but abusing an authors creative writings is just wrong and bad form for new writers when they don't like they way someones story turns out. There are so many other writers offering writing challenges right now, on this board even, that to take one from someone that "isn't" offering that challenge is just, well, really bad form.

For the sake of bad blood I'd remove this story if it were me.

I think it is a good story.

This story adds very little to the original by Longhorn__07. OK, so the father talks to the daughter; the daughter gets defensive, as she has been all of through the story; and she tests negative for STD's. Then what? A very quick visit to see her children, and then the reader can draw his own conclusions. No way, Jo-san!!

There seems to be a real fad, among Lit.com writers, of not finishing the stories, under the quise of leaving it to the reader. Where in the hell did that approach come from?

A good story has three parts: 1)the beginning which defines the conflict or problem and introduces the characters; 2)The middle, which develops the conflict and the characters, and 3)the ending, which resolves the conflict or problem and completes the picture of the characters. On occasion there may be a reason to leave the story open, if the writer wants to continue the story himself, but the stroy should be fully developed even in those circumstances. I wonder if some writers just cannot create a good ending, and take the easy way out. But, IMO a story that is left abruptly unfinished, as this one was, is not a well constructed story. I also wonder why Longhorn__07 did not finish the original story as well.

He would have done a much better job, I think.

in how it portrays the repercussions of infidelity.

If she actually learns from the episode, I would like to see redemption.

There was this calculated and premeditated action she took, and there was nothing in her that said her response was disproportionate to what he did. As i can tell, she enjoyed it and father was right, the next ones. The door was opened by her, and she walked through it. She may believe that she respects and loves kyle; hard to really believe her. Whatever garments and presenting her, don't remove what was done and really probable again. The excuse will be...? the children will forgive quicker than he ever should

It is certainly obvious what the timetable and sequence of events in this continuation is...to AtomicD! Unfortunately, it is not detailed clearly enough for this particular reader to be confident of exactly what transpired...including even the failure to provide the title and author of the original story! It might be assumed that the title is similar to the title of THIS story, but what would it cost to just f...k..g SPELL it OUT?

It seems evident that AtomicD wrote this, and immediately submitted it! A great (independent) editor is a jewel of substantial worth. Adequate editing CAN happen by simply putting the story away for several days (no, no one else is going to beat you to publishing a highly similar account before you publish yours!) Then read it as though you don't know what the story is about! If there is ANY DOUBT about the Who, What, When or Why at any point, it needs to be described more clearly. In this story, there are SIX months skipped, then a brief meeting (which is unclear about WHY Hubby would meet with her) in which she gets to dump a bunch of platitudes at him, then drop and leave her coat behind in order for Hubby to see her nice-looking and familiar dress! GMAFB!

Compared to your first

Open ended stories do not have any value to me. Especially those that are not origional.

It's hard for me to believe this story has as high a rating as it does. The original was better, this adds nothing of any use and the author's wishing for reconciliation on the facts strikes me as just crazy and wishing to change the original author's story.

Seems that Kyle thinks that only he can make a mistake and has no sense of balance. Actually I think he got what he deserved.