Of Loving and Losing

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What can be worse than losing your other half?
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I was writing about an adventure that happened last summer when something tragic happened.

Jackie called me at work. That was pretty unusual. She seemed panicked and upset.

"It's Max," she said, trying to calm down. "He's been in an accident. A drunk driver hit his taxi."

"Oh shit," I replied. "Is he hurt bad?"

"No, you don't understand, he's dead."

"What?" I said, shocked to my core. "Are you okay? I can split in about 5 minutes. I'll be there in about 20."

"NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I FEEL LIKE?" Then, just as quickly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't take it out on you. I'm just ... just, oh god, I don't know."

I turned everything over to my lead and headed home. I wasn't sure what to say or do. I had no idea what she was feeling. My grandparents had died when I was quite young and my parents are still alive. I hadn't even had any pets to grieve for. But I'd try.

By the time I got home, there was another car in her driveway. It was her sister, Amanda. Amanda lives way south, so she must have hauled ass to get here. I didn't even go inside, I just ran over to Jackie's house and rang the bell. Amanda answered.

"She's kind of okay, right now. At least she's settling down. Somewhat. George wrote her a scrip for some Valium and he's at Walgreens picking it up." George is Amanda's husband and an anesthesiologist. Well, that might help, but I doubted Jackie would want to be sedated for very long.

I walked in, saw Jackie sitting on the couch and sat down next to her. For a second I looked at her, then started to cry. Hard.

"Oh god, Jackie. I don't know what to say or do. How can I help? Do you need me to run any errands? Anything. I'm so sorry."

She looked at me, tears running down her cheeks. I realized that she was wearing a t-shirt and robe. And some silly bunny rabbit slippers. "Sweet heart, I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. I have a 10:30 flight. I'm supposed to..." at which point she totally broke down in tears. "Oh fuck, they want me to identify his body. I don't know how I'm going to do that."

Amanda came over to the other side of me. "Sue's going to meet here there. I'm flying with her. We're going to try to get his body in another day or two and bring him home."

I looked up at her and mouthed "thank you." She nodded her head.

About that time, George came in. He went straight to the kitchen and drew some ice water from the fridge.

"Here," he said. "Take one, you need it. It won't put you to sleep or anything, but you need to cool your mind down a little, maybe get a little sleep."

Amanda sat down next to her. "We can go up to the guest bedroom. I'll sit with you."

Jackie smiled, wearily. "You guys are wonderful. Everybody's been wonderful. I need to pack a few things, then I'll try to get some sleep. Okay?"

"Sure," Amanda said. "I'll help."

With that, they went up the stairs.

"What happened?" I asked George.

"Max was at that conference. The guys went out for some drinks and were taking a taxi back to the hotel when a drunk driver ran a red light and hit them. The taxi driver and Max got it straight on and died instantly, if that helps. The other guys got beat up pretty bad. They said one's in the hospital with some major injuries, but they'll all recover. The cops busted the driver."

"Okay, so what's next? They're flying up there. What happens now? What can I do? I feel totally useless right now."

George looked up the stairs. "Do you want to do a little house cleaning? Not that she doesn't keep an immaculate house. Maybe laundry, something like that?"

"Sure," was all I could say.

It's now been five days. Jackie got home, after having to spend $8000 to get him embalmed and a casket for him. The sad part is, she's going to have him cremated, so she tossed the money. But she wants to have a funeral. They have a lot of friends.

I've spent the last two days with her. She won't sleep in her bedroom, which I can understand. Eventually she will, but not this week.

When we broke up, I didn't really feel a loss. I had known for a while that we were drifting off. But this. This I can't explain or understand. I'm trying to help her. Trying to deal with it, myself. They say "time heals all wounds." We'll see. This is a pretty deep wound.

The driver is being held on some sort of murder charge. Bail is $100,000. My ex has volunteered to bail him out. Max's poker buddies have said they'll pitch in. I've already told them they better be joking about it. I think they are. At any rate, that fucker better hope they are. I'll bet it would take him a week to die.

Jackie's strong. She'll survive this. She'll get going again, and succeed at whatever she chooses to do. But she'll never be the same. She and Max were one.

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AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
I liked the part of the story where Max's friends

wanted to bail out the OB that got drunk and killed Max. Hear me once..a drunk that drives needs to be killed if he kills another. I would hope that he found out just how much a bunch of friends of the man he killed hated him for getting drunk and killing his friend. A judge will just let him off and he will be able to drink and drive and kill another. About time some one wrote a story about the victim

KOTKKOTKabout 15 years ago
hmm....sad

Sad but was a good story. It's so hard to live without the loved ones. Anyways thanks for the story.

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