All Comments on 'One Heart's Journey'

The main character comes of a 2D! The story was all over the place! Plot was rushed and didnt make since! Fair play to u anyways for posting it!

good beginning... do continue writing

the plot athough good is all over the place. Need to take more time but good start

There was too much going on here for you to do it justice in one story. I could easily see this going two or three chapters. And I think because there was too much going on, it moved too fast. I'd also suggest working on your dialogue. The sentiments behind it are fine, but it was stiff and formal. If you could relax that, I think it'd improve things a lot.

I like the way it started and can not wait to read more. Please post again soon.

Your story telling is really shaping up well girl - there is a lot going on in here to keep us entertained. Thanks for sharing :)

Disorganized, and has a lot of mistakes for a piece that has been edited. Maybe a second beta reader would help.

You will be pleased to note I have not written anymore stories since these were posted and don't plan on doing so again. Have a great day!

for sharing your stories.

PTBzzzz

I enjoyed it,,,and really would have liked to have seen it spread out and made into a few chapters,,,i would have read it for sure,,,,but happy that is was a finished post,,a blessing on here,,,thanks for sharing.....

I enjoyed your stories. There are those who always post anon. and ruin it for the rest of us. Pay them no attention. I am thankful for authors who actually finish their stories...are there errors ...yes...can you still read and enjoy he story , hell yes, especially if you have the "perfect mastery" of the English language anon. obviously has. I say "perfect mastery" because they are truly nitpicking. They are complaining about stories that have been written for enjoyment which they have read for free, and I call it ungrateful. You are sharing your creativity with us and I can over look a few errors to view the larger picture.

I for one have loved all your stories! I read them all in one night! I would love to read more if you ever decide to write and add to this site again! And I surly hope you didn't stop writing because of an anonymous nobody! That can't even take the time to join a free site and come up with a name! You have good scores on your stories...so you do know how to write! Please write more <3

Nicky

Thank you for a well written tale, both lyrically and mechanically. Although I am not well versed on the lore of the two life forms you write about I found it interesting to learn and appreciate your craft and skill evidenced in the story telling.

I look forward to reading more of your gifted writing.

btw I would not generally post a comment as a hidden anon but could not get the system to let me log in using my phone. rightbank.

Whenever you set one of your babies free it's a wrench, you're putting them out there to stand on their own and face the plaudits or the critics as they come. This site has the highs and the lows of the critics' circus; there are some good writers on board and generally they'll be happy to share their expertise and help new contributors to grow. And then there are the anonymous bitching brigade who just like to stir things up.

The hard part is growing a tough skin and just learning how to make your own way between those two poles. (No offence intended to the people of Poland, btw!)

I liked the idea behind this story and the background (the mixing of the two species of her family), but I'd have liked to see it grow more slowly and to have a gradual reveal of what Nikita is and how she came to be that way, and why her grandfather felt the need to burn his daughter's house down in the first place.

Perhaps try reworking it over three or four parts so that we find out in the first about how her life has been since the accident, maybe dropping in little hints and clues from her memories and dreams without putting names or background to them, rather than throwing fully formed characters at her that she already (mysteriously) knows. I found it a little odd that she had powerful, passionate (and very adult) memories of a grown man that she must have only known when she was a small child, for example.

In that way when she comes to finally meet her soul mate,and properly know him for what he is, they can have a gradual and more touching discovery of one another as adults.

Don't lose heart though. As another commentator has said, the only way we improve as writers is by constantly writing.

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