All Comments on 'One Moment'

Good start so far. It needa a few minor coorections where auto correct got you. I look forward to more

For a first story, a good first chapter, if a little short, but tells us about the characters and sets the scene for more.

Ignore comments like those from Anonymous 'Total Crap' he/she clearly wasn't reading the same story as me.

Hey. I like it so far. You can build a lot from this. Check out my submissions for a little guidance

loved it more soon

You state that the characterss are from your "warped imagination"

I beg to differ. they are well defined characters from a writer with talent and a vivid imagination. The scene is set. Now let's see how you develop the story.

I'm betting it will be a winner.

A promising start, hope there's more.

There were a few grammatical errors and commas where they shouldn't be that stuck out like a sore thumb, but other than that, not too bad.

Very disjointed and rushed. Needs a good editor. Develop the characters and make it more than a tease.

Not to bad at all...I can see where you are setting the stage...be creative and titillate us!

for next chapter ASAP Please