All Comments on 'One Moment'

for next chapter ASAP Please

Not to bad at all...I can see where you are setting the stage...be creative and titillate us!

Very disjointed and rushed. Needs a good editor. Develop the characters and make it more than a tease.

There were a few grammatical errors and commas where they shouldn't be that stuck out like a sore thumb, but other than that, not too bad.

A promising start, hope there's more.

You state that the characterss are from your "warped imagination"

I beg to differ. they are well defined characters from a writer with talent and a vivid imagination. The scene is set. Now let's see how you develop the story.

I'm betting it will be a winner.

loved it more soon

Hey. I like it so far. You can build a lot from this. Check out my submissions for a little guidance

For a first story, a good first chapter, if a little short, but tells us about the characters and sets the scene for more.

Ignore comments like those from Anonymous 'Total Crap' he/she clearly wasn't reading the same story as me.

Good start so far. It needa a few minor coorections where auto correct got you. I look forward to more