One Plus Two Minus One Ch. 10

"You're kind of calculating, Beth. Of course you don't care what I did to you, and of course you'll use it to get what you want."

"I care," she said.

"You're using it to get me to do what you want."

"I'm not," Beth said, astonished, unsure where this had even come from. "You don't know me at all."

"And yet I'm right about that."

She sat there for a moment, hurt and angry and filled with this horrible darkness inside herself. "I wish I'd never loved you," she said quietly. "I really do."

She'd had enough to eat. She wasn't hungry any more. She put what was left of her dinner in the bin.

Robert was watching her.

She was about to go upstairs to bed, then changed her mind.

"Get the fuck out," she said.

"What?"

"Go. Fuck off. I want you out my life."

"Beth..."

"I've had enough. I want you to go."

He looked like he couldn't decide if she was serious.

"You heard me. Get the fuck out of here. I tried to be nice, but I don't want you around any more."

"I haven't got anywhere to go."

"I don't care. Get a fucking hotel. I had to, when I wanted to fuck Ethan."

He didn't move.

"You'd better start looking like you're going," she said. "I fucking mean it.'

"You want me to go right now?"

"Yeah. I don't want you in this house. I don't want you in the house tonight."

"What difference does it make?"

"It does."

He stood up and walked over and put his plate in the sink. He looked annoyed, and she decided she might be being unreasonable. Now he was doing what she wanted, she gave a little ground.

"You can stay tonight," she said. "But you have to pack first. You have to be ready to go first thing in the morning. And you actually have to go, just fuck off, without making a fuss."

He stood there looking at her like he didn't know what to say.

"Do it my way, or fuck off," she said. "How is this hard to understand?"

"All right," he said.

He went over to the couch, and started to pack, to pick up clothes and put them in his suitcase.

"Do you have to be in control all the fucking time?" he said.

It was meant to be a last jab, an insult, and she looked at him and wondered if he knew her at all. "Of course I do," she said. "Fuck."

She stood there long enough to make sure he was actually putting his things in the suitcase, was actually packing, and then went upstairs and texted Ethan, tomorrow.

*

In the morning Robert had left before she woke up, and she was actually surprised.

He'd left the key on the kitchen bench.

He left a note. He said he'd get in touch about a few things he'd left, and some he didn't know if they were his or hers. He said goodbye.

He'd still be around, she supposed. He'd still be somewhere on the campus, and she might run into him, but he was actually gone from here.

She felt relaxed for the first time in weeks.

*

Beth was going to meet Ethan.

She'd realized a while ago that she'd never worn the dress for him again, the one she'd had on the night they met. She realized she'd never let Ethan fuck her in it, or even see her in it again, and that she wanted to do something good and sexy and nice with him, and forget Robert and his weird and threatening shit.

She needed to be her as she started with Ethan, or at least the her she was becoming, and wanted to be. It didn't quite make sense, but it seemed right. She put on the dress, and heels, but not the actual heels. These ones she could walk in easily. She texted him when she was ready and said to come and meet her outside the maths building.

She wanted to be somewhere new for this. In the dress, and some different place, without all the memories of sneaking around making it sordid.

There was a waist-high concrete retaining wall around the front of the building, and the students sat there a lot, waiting for each other.

Ethan was there, waiting for her. There were a few other students around, but none of them were hers.

She walked over, and he looked at her, and the dress, and grinned and said, "Fucking wow."

That was enough. That was exactly, perfectly enough.

"Help me up," she said, and he held out his hand and let her pull herself up onto the wall beside him.

She sat there for a minute and swung her feet. It was the middle of a winter day and the air was cool on her skin.

"He's gone," she said. "It's over. I have lots of time again."

Ethan leaned over and kissed her.

"Hey," she said. "Don't."

"We can't do that?"

She looked around at students and the building and decided she didn't care.

One of the students was looking at her, a woman, but Beth was pretty sure it was the dress getting noticed, odd here in the middle of the day, not her.

"Yeah," she said. "We can do that."

He kissed her again, and looked really happy, and she was pleased. He looked like waiting for her was worth it.

He kissed her for a moment, then tried to take her hand.

She moved it. "Don't get carried away," she said, and he grinned.

They sat for a while.

"What happens now?" Ethan said.

"Yeah," she said. "I was meaning to talk to you about that. I hadn't really got a plan from here on in."

He looked at her and grinned.

"You want me?" she said. "You really fucking want me."

"Yep."

"Like be a couple and live with me and get all my crazy all the time. Like me leaning over your shoulder telling you when you've made a mistake, and everyone looking at you thinking you only got where you are because you're the teacher's pet."

"Yeah, I do."

"You're sure?"

"I don't mind you fixing my mistakes, and I don't really care what a bunch of maths professors think."

"And the rest?"

"You're not that crazy."

She sat there for a while, and felt tremendously relieved.

"You wondered?" he said.

"Of course."

"I told you. Crush since your first lecture."

"That might have changed."

"Nope."

She kissed him, then slid forwards, wriggled off the wall. "Something I need to do," she said.

He nodded. He didn't look disappointed. She was pretty sure he really didn't mind how much she worked.

"You're glad it got to this?" she said, wanting to check one last time. "You don't want to change your mind?"

"I'm glad."

"Okay," she said. She took a folded sheet of paper out her bag, rummaged around and found a pen. "Sign that."

He looked. "I'm out your course?"

"Yep. You don't need it to see me any more."

"So I don't get an A?"

She looked at him for a moment. "Nope. Do you care?"

"Shit no," he said, and scribbled his name. "Didn't want it in the first place."

She was relieved by that too. "I'll make sure it doesn't go on your record, okay?"

He nodded, gave the form back to her.

"Now we're honest," she said. "No more secrets."

"Except..." he said.

"Yeah," she said. "Thinking of which. I'd better go talk to the head of school. There's a couple of things I need to sort out."

He grinned, and kissed her again, right there, outside the building, and she didn't mind at all.

"Bye," she said. "Come over later."

"Yeah," he said. "I will."

"Do," she said. "I really fucking want you right now," and then went inside to own up.