All Comments on 'Oriental Peach Ch. 01'

This is a very good start. I'm looking forward to the next chapter(s)

Thank you for sharing

Did this author ever attend grade school or should at the very least proof read maybe get an editor. Things like "here round firm breasts" that should be "her round firm breasts" then there's the "mount" which really should be "mound" how many other goofs. Remove the junk until totally fixed.

I think perhaps you need a better second pair of eyes looking over your work before you submit it.

I'm just a few paragraphs in, and there are already several problems:

1. Lots of changing tense ("Most WERE unattached, though Bud HAS a live-in girlfriend ")

2. Boo-boos like:

- "were to young o worry " (should be "were TOO young TO worry ")

- "loved here round firm breasts" (should be "loved HER round firm breasts")

- "her two piece" (Should be "her two-piece")

3. Changes in voice: We start with a third-person perspective (the narrator is not someone in the story), then, suddenly we have "I could have sworn a smile ran over her face. (probably should be "HE could have sworn a smile ran over her face. " or "BUD could have sworn a smile ran over her face.").

Don't worry too much about the fault finders.....youve made a good start there

just a little more attention to details

But I'm dieing to hear more.......you've set up a good story line there......

Parts 2 and 3 are obvious....the shopping trip and the dinner visit

That frequent critic and companion of mine Anonymous says:

then there's the "mount" which really should be "mound"

Actually the proper translation of mons veneris is "MOUNT" of Venus. Try putting it into Google translator. So mount is really a very appropriate term here, although mound has some common usage too.