Out of Love and Affection Ch. 03

It was dark outside and Dani sat wih a mug of tea on her veranda. The forest seemed to grow thicker in the nights, as if to contain the animals inside and keep all intruders out. The shadows mingled, locked together, building a wall, which only let sounds through the impermeable thicket.

Dani could make out the voices of several different birds, the chirping of insects and from time to time she could hear the chattering of monkeys. Those sounds had become very familiar to her in the last weeks and it had become almost a ritual before going to bed, to just sit and listen to the sounds of the night.

A silent shadow broke through the wall of darkness and made its way towards her veranda. She could make out the shape of a man and tensed. She never got visitors at such a late time of the day. With slow movements, so as not to alert the stranger, she gripped the thick branch under her chair and brought it to her side. Ready to use it if necessary.

"Who is out there and what do you want?"

"It is just me, no need to worry."

"Narayan, is something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to check on Ramesh." When he came closer, Dani could make out the outline of his strong features. His prominent chin and cheekbones under the deep and soulful eyes.

"He is fine. He is already sleeping inside. Would you like to have some tea?"

"That would be great. Thank you." He dropped his bag with plants he had collected from the forest and Dani left to fetch another mug of tea. When she returned and didn't see him on the veranda she turned to her room and saw him bent over the bed where Ramesh was sleeping. He was stroking his cheek and gave him a kiss on his forehead in a gentle gesture, before he turned around to her. He took the mug out of her hands and they both sat down on the veranda again.

After a long silence Narayan started to speak in a soft voice. "You know, since I bring Ramesh to you when I go into the forest I have the feeling, that I don't get to see him very often. And when I do, he is talking about you all the time. I think you know that he admires you. I know it is silly, but sometimes I feel like I am reduced to a weekend-dad and I don't want him to see me like that. I want him to know that I am always there for him."

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to intrude on your family, or your relationship with Ramesh."

"You are not intruding. I am really glad that you are looking after him when I am gone. It is just ...I miss him. We used to be so close. Even when I went into the woods, he was there when I returned, sharing the bed with me. And we had always the mornings together. Now he goes straight from here to school with you and I see him only when I don't go to the forest. My life feels suddenly so empty without having him around me all the time. Does this sound ridiculous?"

"Not at all. It just shows me that you really care about Ramesh like he does about you. He is looking up to you. Always telling, that one day he wants to be exactly like you. I think he is very lucky to have a father like you, who is a rolemodel for him. Boys in his age need that very much. But you are right. You should see each other more. Your relationship is special and you should protect it."

"But what can I do? I need to do my job. It is important. But I also want to do what's best for Ramesh."

"I could come and watch him at your place and when you return I can go home to my place. Then you would still have the mornings together."

"Oh no, I would never allow that you have to walk alone through the woods in the darkness. It is too dangerous."

"I am a grown woman. I can manage."

"What would you do. Take this stick and throw it at the next attacker? This wouldn't help you against a tiger or another wild animal. If you watch him at our place you will have to stay over night."

"Oh, but then I would feel like I am intruding on your family."

"You won't intrude. Let's try it out if it works and then we can decide how to go from there, Ok?"

"Ok, but if you feel in any way disturbed, or I am a burden for you, tell me and I will leave immediately."

"We have a deal here. What about your family, don't you miss them?"

"Yes, I miss them. But I never really had a very close relationship to my parents and it might sound strange but it seems like the distance is bringing us closer together. My parents just realised how much they care, because they are worried how I am getting along here. Now we write each other frequently and we know that it is only six months before we see each other again."

"So you are going to leave us so soon again."

"In the beginning six months did sound very long to me and I didn't get a longer visa. If I want to or not, I have to leave after the six months. But five are still left and I am going to make the best use out of this time."

"Why did you decide to come to India? Why didn't you just take a job in Germany?"

"I cannot explain it properly. There was always the urge in me to go somewhere else, far away. As if something was waiting there for me to discover. Didn't you have the urge to see some other places, other countries, other ways of life?"

"No, I never had such an urge. I was always rooted to this place and I will always be here. There is this certainty that this is the place of my destiny, where the missing part of my life will find me. If I leave this place, I am running away from destiny and how can it find me then?"

They sat a long time in companionable silence. Each lost in his own thoughts after this personal conversation. Narayan broke the silence when Dani let out a huge yawn.

" I think I better leave now. I just came to check on Ramesh and you need some sleep before you face the little devils in the morning."

"You can stay if you want. Isn't the forest dangerous for you, too? And Ramesh would be happy to see you in the morning."

"I grew up in the forest. There is no danger I can't manage. And you have only one bed."

"Yes, but it is big and it is nothing immoral if you stay with your child."

In the end the weather decided the discussion, because it started to rain heavily and Dani refused to let him leave in it. She even offered to sleep on the floor but Narayan wanted to hear nothing of it. After all her bad was quite big. Big enough for two adults and a small child.

When Ramesh woke up the next morning he was confused. He was used to have either Narayan or Dani close to him. But having both of them snuggled around him was a new experience. One he did want to savour. That's why he kept very still, so as not to wake them up. Due to the rain the temperature had cooled down during the night and they instinctly had moved closer together to the warmth of the others. Now Dani was spooning Ramesh from behind with an arm over his stomach and Narayan had curled himself around them from the other side. Holding both Ramesh and Dani in his strong arms.

Ramesh felt very safe, like in a cocoon. But soon Narayan awoke, took some time, blinking confused until he realized where he was and broke the close hug they were sharing. Close behind Dani awoke also, because she missed the comfortable warmth. There was a short awkwardness until Dani decided to prepare breakfast for them all.