All Comments on 'Paul Takes a Holiday'

Entertaining but dark!! Thanks for sharing.

That could easily have been the title.

The last part was a bit quick. Was Maeve still in the room when Tegan told her dad to use the eulogy to destroy both Maeve and dead Paul's reputation? Why didn't she protest? Why didn't she try to stop Bob if she had even an inkling of what he was going to do?

And ofcourse, one of the two culprits completely got away with it, namely Paul. He got what he wanted, stabbed Bob (his so-called best friend) in the back, fucked his wife and suffered no repercussions at all.

It was an interesting story, but the ending could've been expanded a bit, it was a little too quick in my opinion.

"Carol and Bob had two children, a boy and a girl, and Bob and Maeve had a girl, Tegan." And who the hell was the 'John' mentioned halfway through?

Add to that an ending that was so brief that it sounded as though you didn't really want to write it and the whole thing ends up a bit of mess.

I enjoyed it. Keep writing. You can't keep everyone happy. 5 stars.

Thank-you

Plausibility = 0/5, Writing = 1/5. Better luck next time!

I don't think a best friend and a wife can get away with the extent of their morbid treachery without a husband being completely removed from everyday real-life social interactions. He'd also have to be utterly oblivious to his wife's behaviour and the 3 month abstinence was a total deal-breaker for me.

damn computer locked in on one when it should have been a 5. loved that the lover insisted she keep the messages on the family computer, he hated his friend and his wife that much, so he knew it would be found. to bad they cant bring him bck to life. hey they can do what the did to oliver cromwell - did his dea ass up and spread his what ever is left all over the ground. i sugggest a good shit pit in the sequel.

Admittedly, I didn't find the story wonderful, but I really don't understand the calls for an editor. The grammar and spelling seem pretty fine to me (although I did spot a missing "), even down to the correct UK spelling of 'manoeuvre' which a lot of writers here wouldn't manage.

Technology can baffle the best of us! ;)

The best part of this tale is the pun in the title. Actually, however, Paul took TWO Holidays! Was it more fun boffing Sweetie OR chuckling about how screwed up Hubby was going to be on disclosure???

2*

Incidentally, the likelihood of someone dying from a wasting disease being able to, or even interested in, having sex in their final three months is vanishingly small!

I am baffled....

What a premise, and leaves openings to ponder. What if wifey really did it just as the last wishes of a dying man? Thanks!

The premise that they were best friends with a loving wife is...ludicrous. The cancer would leave him gaunt, emanciated, weak and incapable of any long lasting erection. The drugs alone would be enough to render him unable to perform, sexually. Likewise, the concept that she would cut her "actual" husband off for three months and he wouldn't notice was lame, after all, he never fucking mentioned it until halfway through the stupid plot.

Throw in the fake ceremony, the insults and ridicule and I am left with impression that you are a sad, sad, sorry excuse for a man.

Cause the cheated party came out to the best ending he could

Anyone dying of cancer especially in their last three months ain't going to be having sex...and yes they would be pumped on drugs that would further reduce those urges as most heavy barbiturates will do.

But there is one thing you overlooked in explaining - WHY??

Because he wanted to do maybe but it still doesn't account for the deviousness of the way he did it.

A rarity in this section these days. A heartfelt thank you for writing this story

The Good: Great idea for a story. It was similar to "Mr. Nice Guy" (I think that was the title), but the initial treatment of the theme was better: secret affair, discovered through emails (a cliche, but there are only so many ways to find out...), no 'mental illness' excuse, no ridiculous legal mechanizations rendering the man impotent to act. I saw a lot of interesting possibilities for the story. I thought the idea of the wife intitially doing it out of sympathy for a dying friend, but then actually getting turned on by the illicitness of the affair, being a slut with her lover, etc., was effective and an interesting angle.

The Bad: Editing. An early paragraph had Bob as the father of both women's children. I thought the cutting husband off from sex and the fake marriage/divorce thing was kind of silly, and just absurdly mean-spirited of both Maeve and Paul. Both were gratuitous plot elements.

The Ugly: Frankly, I could get over the poor editing and the questionable plot devices if the story had been more fully developed. I could see an Ohio-like story here, with the wife and husband confronting the demons of what she did, and why she did it. It wouldn't have to end in reconciliation by any means, but it would have made for a better story. As it was, it was just too cartoonish and one-note. In a way, your great story idea was your own worst enemy. A quick, slap-and-dash cheating wife story can be fun and effective (HDK specializes in them), but with this story, I feel cheated by the amputated treatment.

I wrestled with 3 or 4 stars. I gave it 4.

Because I can't shut the fuck up. I felt cheated by not reading the eulogy (could have been epic!), and reading very little of the lovers' emails. See Ohio's "Long After the Fact" to see how to communicate the pain of discovering the written evidence of betrayal.

I also must have missed this Nancy person earlier in the story.

I think that this author can write well, but he needs to put in the work to fulfill the potential of a storyline like this.

Good god, finally. A cheating story, a real honest to god cheating story and not a sick excuse to pump up cucking. A cheating story with consequences. Who'd have thought?

Your idea had a lot of potential but your story was too short and undeveloped. The discovery and initial shock was well documented and even how Paul got Mauve to compartmentalize her affair in order to separate it from her marriage. The pseudo divorce and marriage ceremonies was ingenious. But you didn't follow up on it by portraying Mauve's thinking process or how Paul got her to start maligning her husband. Then you mentioned Bob asking the question of why Paul and Carol split in the first place but didn't expound on that either. Now, I don't like to be spoon fed by the author but I do like a little meat on the bones which I think is the best way to describe your story. Or, you accidently left a portion of the story out of your final draft. Who's Nancy? I assumed she was Paul's daughter even though you said Bob and Carol had a boy and a girl. I knew that was a simple mistake but you never gave their childrens' names which was another missed opppotunity to add a little meat. All in all, a good writing style, good idea but didn't live up to it's potential.

Originally written but tried to engender too many facets of the LW formula. Actually I should have taken another point off for supporting that turd of a writer JohnDoenut.

Looking forward to your ever improving next sortie.

An excellent story. The husband was not a cuck and certainly not a wimp but the cheating slut skank cunt wife was the personification of betrayal. No serious revenge but it wasn't needed. She is now alone.

HA

Fuck her.

Hmmm....okay....I gave it 5 stars due to the fact the husband did not except the cucking and lived well after the divorce. The names did get a little confusing, but hey the story was entertaining and a fun read, thanks for the story.

They are weak willed, beyond self absorbed and well - simply stoopid so often.

But their families have such high regard for them and their intelligence until they implode - interesting contrast -

Hey guys; If you want a bitch, go buy a dog, then tell your girlfriend every day; this, The only bitch in this house will be that dog, then point to the dog.

An interesting story, although methinks you wrapped up the story too soon. It had a lot of potential but now instead of being great it is just good. You needed to have made the resolution a bit more detailed. As BTTap said: it would have been fun if you had included the eulogy itself and the consternation that revelation would have brought with it.

As usual in this type of story, the wife is a true idiot and Paul was a true bastard to do that to his best friend. May he rot in hell. As to Maeve and Paul’s “marriage”… there might be grounds to have Maeve convicted for bigamy, which still is a crime in most states.

I question though the fact wither a cancer stricken Paul would still be able to physically “perform” during the final months of his life… you might have wanted to address that one.. perhaps he took the quick way out through euthanasia before he became a full human wreck?

But who the heck is Nancy? She appears as some sort of a deus ex machine without clarification as to who she is and what her relation is to Maeve and Bob.

... The actual reading of the eulogy is exactly what this story needed without any forewarning to Maeve. Then we'd have us a really good ending with tears and anguish from the proper people.

... First page, 39th paragraph is a mention of Paul's sister, Nancy, who was helping Maeve with the floral arrangements for the funeral.

.......great story.....truly realistic reaction....thought would be personally tempted to be vindictive on the settlement.......your way is more "for lack of better term" punishing no salve for the guilt....and allow her to live longer and watch from the outside the life that she was expecting to be waiting for her go on without her...

I disagree with previous posters who said things like: "The actual reading of the eulogy is exactly what this story needed without any forewarning to Maeve". That was what I was expecting, in part because I have seen several stories like that posted on this site. The approach used by the author was much more original, and better. Well done!

In fantasy life, fictional life or real life, I'm always surprised that people either seem to leave a paper trail on the credits cards, the cell phone bill or the computer. Some people even go so far as to make a video of what they're doing (thereby giving the wronged spouse evidence for court). So I guess the husbands discovery shouldn't have come as much of a surprise. I do think he should have looked at the "fake" divorce his wife got to see if he could have used it as a real divorce and left her with nothing. Now THAT would have been a funny plot contrivance!

honestly: No woman could be t h a t stupid! There simply is not enough blonde hair in this world to cause stupidity in that perfection. Nice story. But he should have solved the problem by lying that braindead slut into Pauls coffin.

So-Bob had 2 kids with Paul's wife then got pissed when his own wife had an affair with Paul? (Recheck the start of your story)

Had a kid with Maeve?

Thanks for not making a complete voluntary cuckold out of him so he is written in with some self respect.

It’s bad enough that she cheated, but you could MAYBE excuse it as an act of mercy to a dying man. But to belittle Bob as well? That’s a bridge too far!

And even if she is telling the truth, that the things she said was just to "buck him up", what kind of friend and wife get a kick out of belittling the husband? Any HALFWAY normal people would be wracked with guilt.

“I really do hate to ask you to do this to Bob, after all he is my best friend,”

Not hardly! “Best friends” do NOT fuck their “best friend’s” wife, they certainly don’t deny them their own marriage rights.

How could Bob be so clueless as to let his wife cut him off for THREE MONTHS?!

She was married! There is no excuse for cheating! I don't care if someone had a gun to his head and told her to have sex with him or he's dead she should let them pull the trigger.

After being married for a long time, what really hurts when you find out your spouse has cheated on you? Is it your heart, or is it your ego? Good, solid marriages are made of good, solid people. Cheaters never fit that definition. So, if your spouse cheats on you, the truth is that they have likely been doing all sorts of fucked up things right up to the point of actually cheating. Most of those things you will have known about. Up to the point of cheating, those "things" will have eroded a good bit of the relationship. Cheating is only the final insult, not really a heart breaker. When cheating is discovered, many people will actually be thankful to have something to hang a divorce on. Sadly, most people do not have the "great" marriages so often described in these tales. They do not go from in-love to heartbroken. They go from depressed or miserable to relieved that it is over.

When I re-read these tales I normally do it now from a from a different perspective. That Paul was a master manipulator and was, obviously, a long time cheater as the ex-wife probably clarified for her. What gets me is the sheer stupidity of the cunt, knowing she wanted to remain with her husband but still cheated with his best friend. Stupid is as stupid does, and now the cunt lives alone and contemplates her slimy twat with her hand, knowing she fucked up a good life and a good marriage for a stupid fling with a future corpse.

However, details and development are rather sparse. You can do better as evidenced by that originality.

here cum the un-reasons TK U MLJ LV NV

"Carol and Bob had two children, a boy and a girl, and Bob and Maeve had a girl, Tegan." So Bob was married to Maeve and Carol, who was married to Paul and Bob at the same time. No wonder both couples had problems.

Paul is later referred to as "John." Was that a fake name for the marriage, with Maeve, to confuse Bob, who was also married to Carol, or just to throw Bob off, if he got suspicious?

the score of the authors who they 1*!

It was an ok story.

The only hard part I had was just how over the top stupid the cheating cunt was.

Who the hell is Nancy? What did I miss?

It was an ok story, but not at all worth reading again to figure out who nancy is.

And Karen is right (as she usually is) who oblivious does the husband have to be to have no idea something is wrong.

Both as dumb as a sack of Hillaries.

I was not going to write a comment but when I saw the one that said "who the Hell is Nancy" I had to write one. I asked myself that same question so I went back through the story and saw she was Paul's sister who Bob probably also knew almost all his life.

On a side note I like all of MattblackUK's stories. On average I would give his stories a 4.5 but you cannot give that score so I give them mostly 5 stars.

Hey Matt re your comment to all the 1* scorers - you should stick to writing & leave maths alone. The scores are averaged & there's no way to increase them by adding a 1, it will only to lower them. 1* for your comment

She deserves the pain, he got rod of a cheating whore. 5

In real life most psychologist will tell you not to read any personal documents you find from a loved one, if it’s Not address to you. if you believe you had a good marriage. What’s written could be painful and can’t be explained further so don’t read anything which may hurt you. What people write is not what they feel at the end. It may be a snap shot of what are feeling only when they wrote it like a diary.

I guess it’s like putting your head in the sand.

Writer what you had Paul do was sad, you could have really stabbed bob and his kids in the back and said he was the father of Bobs children.

But it is extremely poorly written. Why doesn't anyone put any effort into writing their stories anymore? I gave this 2 stars and I think that's being kind.

What was done and written during the last three months of Paul’s life was at the end; the end of his life and her marriage. The reality of life is that when you lose someone you will grasp as anything to bring their spirit back to you. Bob wanted to bring back the memory of a friend but instead learned that his wife was cheating on him with his friend and that discovery destroyed both illusions.

Would have loved to read the eulogy.

Did Timriv blame Bob yet? Did I miss it?

Great different take on cheaters

I agree loved to read the eulogy

More please

Too bad it ended before the funeral. That would have been fun to read.

"Paul had married Carol and Bob had married Maeve, who, with her long, red hair, attested to her Irish roots.

Carol and Bob had two children, a boy and a girl, and Bob and Maeve had a girl, Tegan."

Bob was a busy boy, so sorry, Paul.

But feels more like the outline than the story. Love your work, but this should have / could have been eight pages rather than two or three. The biggest challenge , of course , is a creative eulogy, but there needed to be more. More of the actions, emails, discovered before he died or whatever. People don't get that it is just a story, yes, in reality, the guy dying would be too sick to carry this out. So what. It's a story , that doesn't work without that flaw. And the divorce / marriage thing I thought was more symbolic than real, a true cuckolding. Would love to see this story idea explored more.

Would love to see this story fleshed out more. The eulogy is missing, as is the voice of Paul. What turned the best friend into a prick ? Would love to hear some rationale or voicing of this character. I mean, he is the winner. Everyone else has lost. What turns a best friend , who for 40 years would never take a mates mate, into a conniving ass ? Like I said , more story. Paul obviously set things up so that the crap would hit the fan after his death , yet still wanted a eulogy. I realise this is just a story , and rationality can get in the way of a good story, but this story needs more meat.

Rereading.

Paul wants maeve , but dying , doesn't want to break the bond of his best friend. So comes up with idea of divorce marriage thing. Somehow, the cancer he has doesn't impinge on quality of life , at least in terms of a healthy love life. Keeping his bond with his friend clean , he wants him to read him off with a eulogy.

Marge wants to help her friend Paul , to comfort him through his last days , and the adventure of an affair is just a bonus. Putting down her husband is just to jack up Paul's morale , and make the whole thing more fun. When it is over , she will go back to her loving husband , a job well done.

Her husband , seems unaware or doesn't care that he has not had any loving from his wife for 3 months , or that there was any change in his relationship to maeve or Paul. He only realizes this after finding a im string on the family computer.

A couple of truly sketchy characters here, and one very trusting one. Wish Paul were alive , so there could be a come to Jesus moment NOT at the pearly gates. Would love to read more.

Bogged down in some good writing and sketchy writing. Lots of elements c could be fleshed out to make the story better. More internal dialogue ? What purpose does the daughter serve ? Paul seems truly evil , and how could he be a best friend ? Only just discovered this story , and think it is your best idea , best title but most unsatisfying story I've read of yours.

Who on earth was John?

The bimbo he used to backstab his best friend got all of the reaction.

Not even sure why I'm bothering to critique this story (probably time on my hands during lock-down) because it was very basic writing with little emotion generated.

The premise of a wife "helping" her husband's best friend while the friend slowly dies has been done a few other times and of the two I know of I think the best is Cagivagurl's "Friendship or Love, Strange Concept" which has excellent character development and is far more believable because of it.

The other story is Katmai's "Nice Guy" which is also a really good story if perhaps needing a little more suspension of disbelief.

Another good one from Mr Black. I just wish some of the cheating wives in his stories had names I could pronounce.

Not bad thanks. But you need to be consistent with the characters names, they kept changing,

Writer mmissed a great opportunity to make a great story. Imagine Paul surprising everybody with an eulogy where he told allhe real face of the deceased in front of family and friends. And, at the end have his wife served with the divorce papers. You blew it, MattblackUK.

"Bob insisted on giving her a fair settlement in the divorce, which probably hurt Maeve more than if he had tried to do her down, as she knew she really deserved." Why in God's name would he do that? I don't see how being generous hurts her at all.

Good, original story. Thanks.

Ed

You seem to have trouble keeping the names straight. Maybe an editor could help with this. Or maybe just another read through.

I typically enjoy your writing, nut this was tough going.

Please get an editor, or at least go over your stories for continuity.

Clever title!

5

An interesting way for Bob to find out what was happening and it is understandable that he would find out at that precise moment. I don't expect that he had had sex with Maeve since Paul's death. Tegan had it right, there was no room for manoeuvre left. I'm not sure why Maeve had to leave the house - was Tegan still living there? I agree with you; Bob didn't need to "burn" Maeve in the divorce. As you say, it would probably have made her feel even worse about what she had done to such a fair man. Also, I don't need to know what was in the Eulogy, I can guess. Thank you for a crisp, believable short story.

Dang it, man. This had such potential to be great story...but it just fizzled.

Please get an editor.

It must be well written because I could easily imagine the emotions he felt at that time. Good job.

Not enough burning.

Thank you. Good job on a great story. I would really like to read the eulogy. In fact I think it would make a great story in and of itself.

She could have TOLD Paul she was cutting Bob off without actually doing it. How would he know?

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As another comment said, how could he not realize that she had cut him off for THREE months?

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"this has nothing to do with you and me" - Cutting him off for three months has nothing to do with him?

The ending was speedtracked

Agree with others, you screwed up by hurrying the ending.

1 star - just too many unbelievable circumstances. With so much evidence to support his divorce action against the SLUT, the financial split should have been 70% for him and 30% for the SLUT, plus mandatory reversal back to her maiden name.

First off, where is the reading of the eulogy, and the aftermath?

Secondly, after a couple of weeks of no intimate activities with my wife, I would raise very loud very serious questions, and demand answers. But THREE MONTHS?

Third, I doubt a person who's dying with cancer could even perform at that rate, especially nearer to death.

Fourth, what a crock of shit ending.

NUFF SAID.......

Not enough pain for the "loving wife".