All Comments on 'Payback: The Beginning'

Well written, much better in terms of story arc and description than most stories here.

Very hot. Not subtle, but hot. It deserved a rare "5", IMO.

Good to see a story with an actual plot and some dramatic tension on Literotica.

The length of the story was adequate. Too many stories here are over just as the reader starts to become engrossed in them.

Good motivational psychology. The balance between reluctance and willingness seemed realistic.

The story contained some evocative physical descriptions.

The sybian scenes were intriguing.

The pussy shaving was neat, but would have benefited from more detail. Milk these special moments for all their worth. Don't worry about boring readers with the details. Relevant details make stories more vivid.

I am looking forward to more installments of this story.

Thanks for a great tale.

how could chrissy still have her cherry after riding the sybian? otherwise a good story

You are a good writer, but more detail makes a better story. ie When he entered Casey's anus you could describe the sensations he felt along with what she felt.and how these sensations changed as he began to fuck her.

I agree with MOST of Satisfier's comments.

His title "Hot with a Plot" is quite apropos.

The further comments by Satisfier concerning the:

plot

tension

length

psychology

Sybian

were quite observant and incisive.

However, I differ with his thinking that the pussy shaving scenario should have more detail. Having read thousands of Literotica stories over the years, I have read some of those

(too) detailed accounts and skimmed/scanned them.

Comshaw provided just the amount I liked to make it interesting but not too much.

Along the same lines, Catlover69 wished for more detail on the anal episode. I did not feel this as I read.

I would probably have felt that more was more than I wanted.

In answer to Anonymous 02/24/04 (titled: cherry?),

the first attachment that he had on the sybian was a nubbin,

in other words, enough to stimulate the external genitalia/pussy but not enough to penetrate. Crissy did not experience (so far) the later penetrating attachment that Casey did.

Easily

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Paul in Oklahoma

It turns out he is a sadist and does love to give them pain. It is to bad the girls did not know they would have not gone to jail as first time offenders being only 18. Both would have been released in the custody of their parents. However, their credibility at school would have been destroyed.