Permission For Pleasure

The soft music and lighting must have started to affect me. Without really thinking about it, my arms began to slowly tighten around Roger's neck. He didn't react at first. Maybe he was waiting to see if I would continue this or not. I really liked the fact that he was letting me decide how comfortable I was with the way things were going before trying to press the issue any further with me.

I gave myself permission to go a little bit further. This time I pressed myself against him a little bit harder. I wasn't rubbing myself up against him like some desperate old woman in heat, but I enjoyed the feeling of his chest pressed more firmly against my breasts while we danced.

After a few moments, I could feel Roger's hands hold me more firmly and begin to move ever so slightly on my back. He didn't get as gross as some men have with me and reach immediately for my bottom or press his hips against mine. It was more of a gentle caress and I have to say that it did feel very nice.

I could hear Roger saying something over the top of my head, but I couldn't make it out over the sound of the music and the other dancers. I leaned my head back and looked up into his face so that he could repeat it for me. I was surprised at how much I missed the warmth of his chest against my cheek in that instant.

"I can't remember the last time that I had such a fun evening," He repeated.

I was acutely aware of the possibility that this was just a well practiced line that he may have used hundreds of times on hundreds of other women. Some parts of my self esteem would probably never recover from the divorce and I couldn't quite believe that this man who was half my age was being totally sincere.

Yet, as I looked into his face for some clue that he was being less than honest, I couldn't find any trace of deceit. I was very touched that he would say such a sweet thing to me. The truth was the first thing that popped out of my mouth...

"It's been years and years since I've enjoyed myself more," I confessed.

We each looked into one another's eyes for a long moment. I distinctly saw his face begin to lean down towards mine. Surprisingly, I found myself tilting my face up towards his at the same time and raising up slightly on my toes.

Alas, the music ended at that very moment. People were applauding for the musicians all around us. I sank back down off of my toes and we removed our arms from around each other. We clapped right along with everyone else. I didn't need a mirror to be able to tell that my face must have been flushed several shades of red more than usual. My heart was beating hard in my chest and I could feel myself breathing harder than normal. I wasn't sure about what had almost happened, but the moment had passed and our opportunity slipped away.

The band struck up another number and Roger looked at me questioningly. It was very tempting to accept another dance with this charming young man, but I thought that I had better take things a little more slowly -- give my head a chance to clear some.

I looked at Roger apologetically and said, "Maybe I had better sit this one out. My feet are starting to really kill me."

To my surprise, Roger followed me off of the dance floor. I had expected him to use this opportunity to bow out gracefully. I wouldn't have blamed him for wanting to go and mingle with any friends that might be here or at least to seek the company of people more his own age. However, he placed his hand gently on my back and guided me towards some empty chairs that were lined up along the wall. I smiled to myself, but tried my best to not give it away on the outside.

When we arrived at the unoccupied seats, Roger pulled one chair out from the wall to face one of the others. He indicated with his hand for me to take a seat in the chair that he had pulled out, while he took a seat in the chair opposite. When we were both seated, Roger gestured with his hands for me to lift my foot up to him. I wasn't quite sure what this young man had in mind, but I hadn't been kidding about my feet hurting. I slipped my foot from the unfamiliar high heel and offered it to him.

He took my foot in his gentle hands and began to massage it. Oh my Lord, did that feel good! I had never had a man offer to do this for me before and I thought to myself that I could really learn to like this a whole lot. Without even realizing it, a soft moan escaped my lips.

Once again, Roger was a complete gentleman. There was nothing overtly sexual in what he was doing -- there was no hand "accidentally" sliding further up my leg or placing my foot against his lower body. He simply used his fingers to ease the pain from my tired foot.

After a few minutes, he gestured for me to lift my other foot. I willingly obeyed and I tried to stifle another moan as his fingers began to work their magic once again. I was really enjoying this unexpected pleasure when I heard Roger say softly, "Don't look around, but your ex hasn't been able to keep his eyes off of the two of us for the past ten minutes."

This statement shocked me back to reality. With my back turned to the rest of the ballroom, I had somehow been able to forget all about the crowd of people who were still enjoying the party.

Roger looked at me and asked, "Does it make you uncomfortable to have me do this to you in front of your ex-husband?"

I was surprised that he had thought to ask me that question. He could have just as easily not mentioned the fact that David was watching and I never would have known the better. I was touched that he cared so much for my feelings.

"No," I replied, "He can live his life and I'll lead mine."

I didn't bother to add that David could just eat his heart out for all I cared. I would be lying if I didn't admit that it felt nice that maybe I was making him a little bit jealous, but the truth was that this wasn't entirely just about him. I was enjoying spending time with a handsome young man who seemed to enjoy my company. This was a pleasure that I hadn't experienced with any man, young or old, in a very long time.

Roger said something else softly that I couldn't quite catch. He shifted his chair slightly closer to mine and repeated, "I'm happy that you feel that way. I wouldn't want to cause you any discomfort and I certainly want to spend more time with you."

I smiled at Roger again. I began to wonder if maybe he had the ability to look right into my mind and soul. God knows that I had denied myself the pleasure of a man's company for far too long. Because he had scooted his chair closer to mine, it had caused me to have to bend my knee a little bit as he massaged my foot. With my knee bent, the hem of my nurse's outfit had risen slightly up my thigh.

I could have pulled it back down easily enough. However, maybe this Naughty Nurse outfit was beginning to have an affect on me. I pretended not to notice that the top of my nylon stockings were now just barely visible to Roger's eyes.

Throwing caution to the wind, I twisted my neck around to look out over the ballroom. I scanned the crowd for any sign of Maureen or Bob. In this position I knew that my dress was being hiked up even further, but I made no move to prevent it at all. I couldn't see either of them anywhere and I turned back towards Roger.

He must not have been expecting me to turn back to him so suddenly. He tried to hide it, but I caught him stealing a glance up my leg. Rather than be shocked that he had been taking such liberties, I felt kind of nice that he had been interested enough to have looked at all.

I didn't say anything to him about it. I only told him that I was looking for my friend that he had seen me with earlier. Roger nodded his understanding. I saw that he was the one blushing this time and I thought it looked really cute on him. I twisted back around to look for Mo once again.

At least, that was the reason I gave myself. Once again, I could feel the hem of my outfit shift slightly higher. Part of my mind was occupied with looking for Maureen, but a larger portion was occupied with wondering if Roger was looking up my dress as he had earlier. I remembered how skimpy the silk panties were that I was wearing. If Roger was looking, then I knew that the almost transparent material would be doing little to protect my modesty.

I took my time to search the crowd thoroughly. The whole time, I could feel my heart beating harder and harder. I finally turned back around slowly to face Roger once again. I noted that his face was even redder than the last time and I felt pleased inside.

I leaned forward slightly and said, "I have to go to the woman's room."

Roger stood and helped me up by the hand. He continued to hold my hand while I struggled to slip my feet back inside my shoes. When I had them on at last, I looked up into his young face. We were now standing very close together. I could feel that moment approaching again like the one we had experienced on the dance floor.

We were looking into each others eyes and for that moment, all of the noise and commotion around us faded into the background. He leaned down, as if in slow motion. I had plenty of time to have put a stop to what was about to happen. Instead, I tilted my face up towards his. Our eyes never left one another's as his lips descended to mine.

The first touch of his lips against mine felt electric. I felt a shiver run through my body and my arms went instinctively up around his neck. The muted noise that had been filtering in through my consciousness faded away completely. I had the fleeting thought that we were the only two people in all of creation as I felt his strong arms wrap around my back.

I felt the silky tip of Roger's tongue brush against my lips and I eagerly opened my mouth to accept his intimate invasion. I couldn't help but moan against his hungry lips as our tongues twined and slid against each others greedily.

Roger's arms tightened around me and I relished the feel of his young body crushed against my breasts. This time I could easily feel his erection as it pushed against me through the material of our clothing. I made no move to pull away from it. If anything, I tried to return the pressure as subtly as I could.

I'm not sure how long that kiss lasted. It may have only been seconds or it may have been years. I had lost all track of time. When at last we did break apart, we were each breathing hard and the desire that I saw on Roger's young face seemed to almost match the inferno that was raging inside of me. I couldn't quite believe what had just happened between us and I couldn't remember the last time that I had felt this way inside.

Slowly, our lips moved back together again. This time I couldn't suppress a soft cry as we kissed again. Every nerve in my body seemed to be more alive than ever as I easily melted in Roger's arms. I felt the welcomed pressure of his body once again pressing against my breasts and the evidence of his desire was now even more pronounced than it was only moments before.

With this second kiss, there was no tentative probing as there had been with our first. Our hunger had already been stoked to a very high level. Our tongues immediately sought out each other's. Our hands gripped with even more urgency as we strained to press closer to one another. I wasn't even aware that I was moaning non-stop against Roger's insistent lips.

After what seemed like another eternity, we broke apart once more. I felt as if I was almost out of breath and my lips felt swollen and bruised. I gazed into Roger's clouded eyes and I could easily see the naked lust in them. When was the last time that I had seen a similar look in any man's eyes?

Practically panting, Roger breathed, "Sandra, I would really love to take you home with me."

Every fiber of my being screamed to tell him yes -- that I wanted him to make love to me all night long. However, there were still one or two brain cells in my head that were insisting that this wasn't any way for me to be acting with someone so much younger than me and to whom I had been a complete stranger until this evening.

Instead, what came out of my mouth would never have been found in any romance novel. "I have to pee," I said.

Roger's expression was one of confusion. It was as if I had spoken some alien language that he couldn't comprehend. Then, he broke into that beautiful smile of his. It was all I could do to keep myself from clutching him to me again right on the spot., but I felt his arms loosen from around me and he said, "I'll be waiting right here."

I stepped back slowly on unsteady legs. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to leave the comfort of his embrace. I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from his -- almost like I was in some sort of hypnotic state. If he hadn't used his hands to physically turn me towards the woman's room, I may have remained in that spot like a statue forever.

I headed towards the restroom with my mind in a whirl. I had to use all of my concentration just to make my legs work. It was as if I were learning to walk all over again. This time my difficulties had nothing to do with unfamiliar shoes or sore feet. The problem had more to do with the fact that all of my blood had been drained from my extremities -- and seemed to be pooled in my erogenous zones.

As I neared the door to the woman's room. I felt someone grab my arm and fall in step beside me. It was Maureen. She looked back over her shoulder in the direction that I had just come from.

"Sandy," she gasped, "Is that...?

"It is," I replied," His name is Roger, by the way."

I tried to maintain my composure even though I was practically bursting inside. Maureen looked flustered. I don't think I had ever seen her speechless before and it almost made me laugh.

"I saw you getting really cozy with someone, but I couldn't see who it was," Maureen said.

She waited for me outside the bathroom door while I tried my best to regain at least a little bit of my composure. When I at last emerged, Mo grabbed me by the arms and begged, "Well...?"

"Well," I began," he is really a very charming young man.

"Charming! Is that all you're going to say? That he's charming? I saw the two of you. You were both all over each other," Maureen persisted.

I must have blushed a hundred shades of red. Part of me wanted to shout and scream with joy, but another part of me was stuck on the notion that this just couldn't be -- that he was way too young for me and that I would be making a fool of myself for holding onto such silly notions.

"He asked me to go home with him," I said quietly.

If I had thought that Maureen was speechless before, it was nothing compared to what she was now. After a moment, her excitement burst through.

"I can't believe it!" she almost screamed," This is such wonderful news!"

I looked at her evenly. "Mo, you know that I can't do this," I said.

Mo's eyes went wide in puzzlement. "Why can't you?" she asked.

"Because, Mo," I began, "I hardly know him at all. And, besides, I'm old enough to be his mother, in case you hadn't noticed."

Maureen just stood and stared at me. I saw so many emotions race across her face in that instant. I saw love and frustration and concern and impatience in her look.

Finally, she said in a very serious voice," Sandra, you know that I love you like a sister. I've known you longer than anybody else on this planet. Why can't you see what a beautiful and sexy woman you are? Why can't you, for just once, let yourself go? Why can't you give yourself permission to enjoy what life has to offer?"

Now, it was my turn to stand there speechless. This was the fourth time that I had heard the same speech in one evening. Were some of the things that Mo had said true? Did the outside world find me in some small way to be an attractive woman? Could I find it within myself to do as she suggested?

These thoughts whirled through my head at blinding speed. Maureen kept looking at me expectantly as I felt my heart beating so hard in my chest. Finally, I found myself nodding my head. Maybe it was time that I gave myself this mythical permission that everyone kept talking about. Maybe it was time that I let myself live.

Maureen's eyes went wide in a mixture of disbelief and joy. She leaned forward and kissed me. "You know that I love you, don't you?" she asked as she dug in her purse for something. "Here is a key to my house, in case you need it. You know my address and my phone number if you should need me."

I was all of a sudden so overwhelmed. I simply reached out and hugged my friend to me. How could anyone ever ask for a better friend in the whole world? We took one last long look at each other. Maureen looked into my eyes and said softly, "Have fun, San."

With that, I headed back to where Roger was still patiently waiting for me. That walk across the ballroom floor seemed to stretch on for miles and miles. The whole way there, I was almost certain that I would come to my senses and call the entire thing off. However, when I saw Roger's magnificent smile once more, I knew all was lost.

"I missed you," he said as he leaned down to kiss me.

Roger was looking at me with an unspoken question. I don't think that he wanted to come out and ask me again about his earlier offer. Perhaps, he didn't want me to feel pressured. I was unbelievably touched at the concern that he was showing for my feelings. As I looked into his eyes, I said softly, "Roger? Take me home."

His face lit up like a little boy's at Christmas. He slipped his arm around me and turned me towards the door. I know that it was only just my imagination, but I felt as if every eye in the room was watching this older woman being escorted out of the door by the most desirable young man there could ever be.

We arrived at his townhouse in what seemed like no time at all. Roger asked me all kinds of questions about my job and my family during the drive. I was grateful that he kept the conversation going during the trip because I was having second thoughts the whole way. If we had driven in silence, I'm sure that I would have thought of at least a dozen reasons to call this off completely. However, before I knew it, we were walking hand in hand to his front door.

I didn't know exactly what to expect when we stepped inside. Would he make the first move or would he wait for me to set the pace? Would he be tender or would the hunger from earlier return in full force? The uncertainty made the moment all the more delicious. It had been quite a few years since I had felt these emotions.

Roger turned on the lights and I was surprised at how tasteful and neat his home was. I had thought that someone who did what he did for a living would decorate his place in a very flashy fashion. This young man was just full of surprises, wasn't he?

He helped me out of my coat and asked if I would like something to drink. I declined, saying that I really wasn't much of a drinker. Instead, Roger put on some soft music and held his arms open to me in invitation. I smiled as I stepped into his embrace. We swayed slowly to the music as I let myself get used to the feel of his arms around me once again.

Feeling the warmth of his body against mine did a lot to help settle my nerves. Again, he did not immediately start groping at me as my other recent dates had done. We danced comfortably to the beautiful music. There was no rush -- no need to hurry anything along at all.

At long last, I felt Roger kiss me lightly on top of the head. By this time, every nerve fiber in my being had come back fully to life. I remembered how wonderful his kiss had felt earlier at the party and I found that I wanted very badly to feel it again. I looked up into his face with an expression that I hoped he would take to be an invitation.

Roger did not disappoint me. He leaned down and our lips came together for a passionate kiss. I clung to his young frame and felt the fires within me being fanned to an even higher level. Roger's arms tightened around me as I pressed myself hard against him. The hunger had returned with full force. I could feel his hardness pressing into me as I moaned against his lips.