All Comments on 'Plain Gold Ring Pt. 02'

Multiple, and quick changing POVs can really mess up a good story and annoy the hell out of a reader who are often inclined to stick to a sympathetic voice and don't want to play cerebral hop scotch . Yet novice authors love to dabble in this technique in the results often are not pretty. Well GITM nailed it. The three main , widely disparate voices rang uber-authentic. Their strengths and flaws were captured.

Melissa's psyche was displayed like a scorpion in amber. Slam dunk five star read. This was one long-ass interval between parts one and two. Aht well, the end justifies the literary means ... this time. *****

Great chapter. Just how far will that worthless fucking cunt go to ruin peoples lives? Please be kind to June.

By the way, who did tell Ray's wife?

Five Stars

Excellent is right. I hope June makes out okay.

Melissa appears to be losing control. Revenge doesn't appear to be the best method for making money and having a comfortable life.

The jumping between characters is disconcerting, but seems to work well here.

Thank you...

The whole thing is getting silly now.

Mel can't say jack about June and John.

It's her word against John's, June's, June's friends, Maggie's, etc

And OF COURSE Maggie would have known, just as she did when it actually did happen.

And this isn't 1950. SFW. June is very much an adult.

And Sam? So what?

If John is dumping Mel and June is happy, SFW?

It would be hard to imagine Maggie and Sam not being happy for June.

Mel will simply be perceived, correctly, as vindictive.

You are correct about ONE thing however.

The fucking courts will give the bitch more than she deserves.

enjoyed both chapters and only top mark will do.

Absolutely spectacular. The characterization and insights are both powerful. So many great little moments that say so much. "Tits, ass, legs and hair—she is pieces of a woman, never a whole one, but that's never bothered her." So few people on this site even try to reach that kind of perfect revelation...all too often, characters are treated as just props that can be moved in order to produce a desired outcome. To have them painted in such exquisite detail...to have them delivered with such texture that their personalities can move the story and give it plausibility...is a delight to watch unfold.

Writing a good story isn't about coming up with the best or most clever behaviors for a character to have in a bad situation, but about creating rich characters and then finding exactly the behaviors and logic that best fit who that character is.

The story is interesting and well paced, but not particularly unusual. A manipulative and scheming hot lady going about her selfish business. But damn, you write it so well that it is compelling even so. Thank you for sharing.

BTW, are you going to add more to Wrong?

The feelings and emotions are raging high like a tattered flag still aloft o'er a battle mount. This story is over flowing with something that has been, for far too long, in terribly short supply around here. Intensely Dynamic Characters! The characters were fully formed in the last chapter, yet with great artistry, still you generously allow them to continue to evolve. If some twit decides to rail on you for "not a lot of plot" in this chapter, then they must only be skimming, and looking out for sex talk. Any reader who truly ENJOYS reading a well crafted story, must be just as hungry as I am for the next chapter. GITM, I really appreciate the drama you have created here. The "same old" story will ALWAYS have new breath, when the characters come alive, and jump off the page. Please don't rush the ending of this tale, merely for the sake of gaining some "closure" of this project. The hard work you have put in to this is so valued and appreciated, you would do yourself a great disservice to change things up now. This may have taken some time between chapters, but trust me, that wait has been worth it. People (myself...) have come to view your work as possessing great quality. Keep your standards high, and pander to no one but yourself. So far, that formula has been working out great! Thanks!

to describe Girlinthemoon's story telling, her ability to weave together plot, character and emotion into a delicate picture of a reality that it is impossible to know of which how it will end and also impossible to stop wondering, thinking and hoping about what will happen next.

This reader knows only that he wishes ill for manipulative Melissa, good for John and happiness for June. Every character, from Karen to Maggie, Ray to Sam, is a three dimensional person who demands a reader's attention.

The story is artful, beautifully told and so, so, so very interesting. Please, GITM, next chapter, and very soon.

the best writer on Lit. as far as skill is concerned. Her writing is always clean and precise. My problem with this chapter was the tense. It was present tense and that seldom works for me. It's just awkward. POV changes, to me, when the story is being told in the first person, are an easy way to avoid the work of actually telling a story in the first person. The writer wants the advantage of a narrative, but the impact of first person, so they decide to use multiple first person POV. I see the comments here, and everyone loves this effort, but I have seen this writer's talent, and in my opinion, she took the easy way out in this chapter. She's capable of doing so much better. I've seen it.

After just reading the story, I thought it was first person and it was not. My apologies. That does not alter my dislike for changing POV's in a narrative, which to me makes even less sense in a narrative. I found myself skimming the second half of the chapter, and I'm not even sure why. It just wasn't clicking like our girl's stories usually do.

I think we are cut from the same cloth.

If not THE best writer on Lit, GITM certainly ranks among them. I have enjoyed her work immensely. I do, however, have the same issues with this chapter as HDK. Call me a traditionalist but I like my stories told in past tense and in either first or third person. I'm guessing this was an experiment on her part. I hope she does not adopt this as her new writing style.

This chapter pretty much spoiled the story for me; I'll probably take a pass on future chapters.

My only concern is the length of time since Pt. 1. I have forgotten too much from Pt. 1. I've been watching for Pt. 2 and I was beginning to think GITM was giving up on this story. I prefer to see authors write all of the chapters/parts before posting the first one.

... there's fire. An all-consuming ravenous beastly flame which destroys the lives of everyone in its path. Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

The story is hurtling towards a train wreck and we're all waiting on tenterhooks to see who'll be left standing when the dust settles.

The plot is so good, yet as HDK and LTW have said the POV and tense changes made it very very hard to follow.

Regardless, still one of the best writers Literotica has ever seen.

Thank you,

M1 ****

The POV thing doesn't worry me, it was well signposted and was a great way to get across the fucked up situation. Can't help thinking it's going to end in tears but I'll be waiting for it with anticipation. 5*

I have 5* on every story, of yours, that I've read, except this part two.

It is still above the average, you are such an exceptional author, but for you, this isn't really your best.

The 6 or 7 weeks between part one and part two may mean, probably means, you lost touch with the original and when you came back to it, you weren't as into it as you were when you wrote part 1. That is just my guess.

In any case, you write rivetingly and I was glad to see that you did finally post this.

If you ever get around to posting part 3 or even more than that, I hope you can regain the passion you had for this story in its inception. It is quite an interesting story line.

Best regards,

-Pultoy

She isn't satisfied until her evil shelf, destroys everyone. What's June got to do with it. She is a cheater ,trash etc. so what she got to gain.

Well crafted; excellent pace, strong sense of character, interesting plot... What else is there to want for? Thanks for this effort. it was really enjoyable. I look forward to the next chapter.

It is written in third person, or a narrative style. Therefore, there is no changing POV. There are simply names of characters before sections of the story, for whatever reason. The first chapter was written in the same style, and I enjoyed it. Why didn't it work for me this time? I am unclear on that, but it did lose it's snap for me, part way through the chapter. Since the story is a narrative, there is no real reason to have characters' names before various sections. It's a narrative! That allows you to tell the reader what each character thinks, feels, and says. The reading of the prose will identify the character in the paragraph quite readily. So, after mulling it over for 24 hours, (and watching Jack Bauer), I've come to the conclusion that it's the present tense that has become unwieldy for me and makes the story lose its luster. Everything is happening now, but 'now' is lasting a very long time in this story. Now usually doesn't hang around too long in real life. This Moon Girl is an extremely talented writer. I can see that.

This is a story of questionable anything. He is a wimp, she is a bitch, girl across the street is a stary eyed dreamer, the vet is a cry baby. No one in this story is any good. Try something else.

Stupid weak male, and unrepentant entitled female.

Well written but present tense makes it hard to connect to the story,

This is not your best but your worst is light years better than everything else on this site. Get it over and move on.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Melissa is such the perfect villain that her justice alone will make this story worth it. I am very curious to see what she has in store for June. She is so narcissistic that she actually feels like SHE is the injured party. Great story

Hard to care for any of the characters. You did a good job of explaining each one's POV but I only liked June's aunt and her husband. Javmore are you going to finish deployment? I figured you must be underway with the extended time away.

I'm really liking your characters, GITM . Your talent is shining!! The plot is ho hum,but the interaction and emotions are all very good. Your 'June' is so very different from 'Lucy' ,I am impressed !

You know you have an awesome story. LSD is complaining about waiting for the next chapter!!! HA. Ha . Ha

Hurry please, sic

AMerryMan

for your compliments and constructive criticism, everyone. I'm absorbing everything you say. Thank you thank you.

Please!

You seem to have set up a classic confrontation and struggle. The characters are all well defined and their roles pretty well set. So? Are you going to surprise us? :o)

Please finish it. Will Melissa "win?" Will the ring come back?

Thank you.

It's RL, I presume. And I do understand. I just wish you'd find some time to finish this.

The 'Plain Gold Ring' is waiting for a finger. :-)

This has been a wonderful story, so far. But then, what's news? :-)

I'm a bit surprised at some of the comments, especially HDK & LTW. It's just a different way of telling the story & it perfectly works for me.

It's quite similar to the way the soap operas work. A simultaneous peek into the lives of various characters within a given time frame.

In fact, It works best when the author needs to portray the thought process & not just the events. IMO.

Anyway, thanks for sharing & hope to see you soon.

BTW, this earned you 5 beautiful Gold Stars.

And believe me, there's a lot more if you return. :-)

A wish for you to continue........

your stories move me like no others. thank you!

THAT'S IT?!?!?

Finale and denouement, please!!!

Maggie will pluck out each of Mel's pubic hairs and then torture her, if she tries to mess with Sam.

What's happening in the clean world? Lol!

Since you're posting new stories, maybe you can complete this one. It was very good and needs an ending.

Not only an excellent story in its own right, but very well written and populated by complex, believable characters. I really hope you'll return to this to give us another chapter (or three).

I hope you finish this someday....

Outstanding!

Too good not to finish the story. So many possible outcomes. Get with it.

I loved this story! I was really rooting for John and June, and Melissa was just deliciously evil! I hope you write a part 3.

What more to say, that’s not an ending. It set the table for conflict, baited the hook.... then stopped.

Melissa better end up in major trouble in the end. She deserves it. Sam better not!

Thanks! Hopefully you’ll finish it. I do note that you did submit a story in April of this year. Although I don’t deserve anything from you, I, and I’m sure many others who read the first two chapters, would appreciate a conclusion. Again, thanks for your efforts and obvious talent.

Melissa is a conniving deceitful bitch. Talk about self centered. The author has done a fantastic job making her totally irredeemable. I love this tale so far. Great read!

Story characters don’t just appear out of nowhere. Women are far better than men at cutting up women and analyzing the pieces, then creating definition and a narrative.

I suppose June and Lisa are two aspects of GITM’s personality, or maybe who she was at different phases of her life. I made some caprese last night; I’m out of balsamic, so I reached for the Kens zesty Italian and thought of you before I shook it.....I think you are in that bottle, GITM.

Melissa is that cunt roommate you were forced to share a quad with for 2 semesters and who because of her radioactive sexuality ran roughshod through your male friends and disposed of them like tissues. Nothing you could say would stop them from taking a taste and humiliating themselves. Or maybe she’s that executive VP in your office that nobody can manage to leapfrog or even understand how she fell into her position. Hmmn.

Maggie is your much older sister? Or maybe she really is your aunt. Or that recently (contemporaneously) divorced border your family hosted for 17 months who lived in the apartment over your garage when you were 15.

If nothing else, GITM makes me happy and curious.

Thanks!

~Enkidu