Polysexuality Ch. 04

There are also many known instances of the royalty and nobility of Europe catching various sexually transmitted diseases from prostitutes. These could be passed on to their wives, and they could also lead to the infertility of both men and women. Thus, there might be no heir. Again, the inheritance was of major importance.

Polysexual Responsibilities

What should this mean to us? Must we continue to fear the lovers of our spouses? Is monosexuality the only way to insure the inheritance? A growing number of couples are using in vitro fertilization when wives have a hard time getting pregnant. Sometimes the sperm used is not the husband's. In other cases women are inseminated directly with sperm from donors. Some husbands are uncomfortable with this, but gradually we are getting over our queasiness regarding paternity. Then there are surrogate mothers who are pregnant with another couple's child. Many people adopt children today, and the adoptive fathers love the children and gladly leave them their estates.

Today there are many reliable forms of birth control available. Unlike the past, it is now easy for men and women to have sex without having children. Thus, the major cultural reason why women should worry about their husbands (they might divide the inheritance with a child born to another woman) or why men should worry about their wives no longer need apply. Men can still get other men's wives pregnant, but if they do, it almost has to be a deliberate act, rather than an accident. Also, in our culture, few men would think of making another man's wife pregnant so their physical son could inherit another man's wealth. We just don't think that way anymore.

Here are some things polysexuals and those married to them should consider before becoming active. A polysexual man has a duty to any woman he plays with to not get her pregnant. A polysexual woman, likewise, should not play unless she is sure she will not get pregnant. Such a pregnancy is not fair to the other partners involved. A man should not play until he has ascertained that birth control is assured. A woman should do the same. If there is a possibility of pregnancy, there are certainly several other enjoyable ways of playing. Polysexuals should never enter into sex blindly. This is irresponsible.

Actually, many active polysexuals have been sterilized so pregnancy can't happen. This is the most responsible approach, but it's not feasible for men and women who still plan to make babies at some point.

Polysexuals also need to be cautious about disease. While it would be bad enough if they caught a sexually transmitted disease, it would be far worse if they passed it on to a non-polysexual spouse. Thus, polysexuals should get themselves checked whenever there's a possibility that they might have picked up something. They should require condoms for all vaginal and anal intercourse unless they know each other well and are sure that each other is clean. They should be cautious in their choice of partners and have the guts to politely say no to anyone if they have any reason to question whether the person is clean. They are at most risk with young studs and party girls. They are at least risk with older people who are married and have very little experience apart from their spouses.

Very few monosexual spouses are likely to be delighted to hear that their loved one is a polysexual who wants to begin practicing. A big part of fulfilling one's marriage vows is avoiding what hurts one's partner. Unfortunately, it isn't always possible to be what one is without causing pain. My high school acquaintance who decided he was gay probably hurt his wife a lot, but she understood that this had always been his orientation, and she supported him. A man in the Marines may volunteer to fight overseas. It may well be that his wife wishes that he weren't in the Marines at all, but he is her husband, she knows he is what he is, and she bears with it. Meanwhile, he doesn't want to hurt her, but in his heart he's Semper Fi, and he's taken an oath of service.

Polysexual spouses have many duties toward their monosexual partner. It's their duty to be discreet, to not tell all their friends what they're up to, not tell their parents and siblings. They need to be considerate of their partner's feelings. They should never make a pass at a friend of their spouse. They should never do or say anything that might embarrass their spouse if they can help it. They should not flaunt what they are, neither should they ever taunt their spouse with what they are.

There may be some monosexual husbands and wives who want to know the truth and hear what their polysexual spouse has been up to. More likely, if they are understanding and give their permission for the polysexual to play, they would prefer not to hear about what's been going on. Some polysexuals might think they'd be much more comfortable if their spouse would let them tell what they've been up to, but this is certainly a place where they can respect their spouse's wishes. If the spouse doesn't want to hear, they should count their blessings and say nothing.

Polysexual husbands and wives of monosexual spouses should never forget their promise to love and cherish. If polysexuals spend so much time seeking other partners that they stop being devoted to their spouse, then they will make their spouse doubly unhappy. This is the road to divorce. Polysexual husbands and wives should strive to be the very best husbands and wives possible. They should redouble their kindness, helpfulness, and gentleness.

If they haven't been thoughtful, polite, and helpful before, then now is a good time to start. If a monosexual wife finds that since her husband got permission to play, he's been spending much more time with her, helping to do the daily chores, doing the things she likes to do, taking her to restaurants or away for weekends, she may decide that he's become a better husband since he became a practicing polysexual. (And, of course, why shouldn't he become a better husband and a happier man? Add to this that if he is playing with his wife's permission, he is certainly not "cheating.")

Finally, it's important to consider the wellbeing of the children, if there are any. I know of several teenage and older children who know their parents are polysexual and are happy for them. However, it's interesting that while the parents sometimes suspect that some of their grown children are genetically polysexual and would be happier if they admitted it, very few of these children are actually practicing, even if they know that their parents are. Thus, it seems to me that polysexual parents are not generally providing an environment that encourages polysexuality among their children. Even if the parents are open about it, I've never met parents who urge their children to "Go and do likewise." They seem to believe very strongly that children should not be exposed to polysexuality, but should be left to discover it on their own. As for child abuse, happily polysexual parents seem to be far less likely to turn to their children for a sexual outlet than are more inhibited parents.

Many children would be very uncomfortable if told that a parent is a practicing polysexual. It's much better to keep children in the dark if one thinks they might be upset than to make oneself feel better by telling them something they can't handle. It's also possible to lose one's children's respect. They might think one weak or incompetent or inadequate or a bad parent.

With most children, it should be very easy to tell them, "Mom and dad are going to a party, and we'll be home very late. Your babysitter will take care of you." If only one spouse is polysexual, it's easy to say, "Mom has to go away on a business trip. She'll be home tomorrow." In most cases, there may be no reason to ever tell one's children what one is up to.

If these suggestions are followed, a polysexual marriage can be very pleasant for all involved. Even the monosexual spouse may end up with a much more attentive partner to make up for the fact that the partner is polysexual.

It isn't always possible to know right away if a person is polysexual. Some people may have enjoyed dating many partners, may have had sex with several people before marriage, yet never considered multiple partners after marriage. Others may have gotten married at a young age after dating only one person, and they may have never had much of an opportunity to think about polysexuality. Some people are raised in conservative homes where sex isn't mentioned, and whatever sexual feelings they have are repressed.

I would argue that people are either polysexual or monosexual by genetic fact, but polysexuals may never realize what they are or may only gradually come to realize it. One woman was married twice without guessing. Only when she was in her mid forties did her boyfriend gradually convince her to try swinging. Once she tried it, she realized that she loved it and that this was what she'd always been looking for without realizing it. Now she says that if she ever marries again, it will have to be to another polysexual.

It's possible that you have always thought of yourself as a monosexual. You've always imagined a long and happy life with the spouse of your dreams and no other man or woman. But perhaps as you've read this you've remembered times when you've wondered what it might be like to have another partner or several at once. Perhaps you are a woman who sees herself as heterosexual, yet you've sometimes found yourself wondering what the touch of another woman would be like.

If your spouse becomes a practicing polysexual and you have that ability in you without realizing it, it's quite possible that you may find yourself becoming interested in hearing what your spouse has been up to. Your spouse may convince you to attend a party or club. You may find yourself entering a wonderful new lifestyle.

Achieving Maximum Happiness in Marriage

Perhaps your partner isn't aware of his or her polysexual needs, but just feels a sense of incompleteness and unease that is misdiagnosed as a mid-life crisis. Perhaps you sense that your partner is a non-practicing polysexual or fear that your partner is actually a practicing polysexual. Perhaps you see in your mind the collapse of your warm and comfortable marriage and the loss of much you hold dear. You are preparing for disaster.

It doesn't have to be that way. Polysexuals can fall out of love, too, and even if your partner is not a polysexual, it may be that your marriage is near death. On the other hand, if you and your spouse can deal with the issue and you can free your spouse to explore while providing a warm, safe, loving, oxytocin-filled relationship, you may end up with an even happier relationship than before.

But you'll need to stop equating sex with marriage and get over the idea that sex is acceptable only within marriage. Stop thinking that "marital unfaithfulness" means extramarital sex. If your spouse loves you and wants to stay with you, count your blessings and do everything you can think of to keep it that way.

The real unfaithfulness is when your spouse stops caring, is cruel, shows no compassion, doesn't want to talk with you or spend time with you, refuses to share household duties with you, doesn't do acts of love and kindness, doesn't provide for you well. Think about this paragraph. Compared to this, a loving polysexual partner is a joy. You could do much worse.

And after all, what is it you want most from a marriage? If you say, "What I want most is for my partner to not play around," you aren't thinking straight. That's a negative statement. You're not asking for pleasure; you're asking for an absence of pain, and that pain is caused by a culture-based misunderstanding. If you stop thinking of polysexuality as pain, you will be freed to think of ways to improve your marriage.

Dare I suggest that if your spouse is a polysexual who wants permission to play, you are in an excellent position to improve your marriage? Sit your spouse down and offer a deal. In exchange for your allowing your partner to occasionally meet with other people, you have a list of demands.

Ask for things that will improve your marriage. Ask your spouse to be discreet and to promise to never say bad things about you to anyone. Ask your partner to spend time with you, and specify what you'll be doing together during that time. Ask your partner to walk with you, chat with you, and help you with this or that. Ask your partner to have frequent health exams and to promise to wear condoms. Ask your partner to spend time every day hugging or touching you. Ask for sex as often as you feel you'd like to have it.

You might also consider asking your spouse to promise to go to a marriage counselor with you. Explain that what you want is for the two of you to learn how to enjoy each other more while ironing out any resentments or unmet needs. Each of you will win. If the counselor helps, you might even consider asking your partner to go with you to a sex therapist. Explain that the goal is not changing the polysexual orientation, but learning to be better lovers with each other. You will get more sex if you want it, and it will be better sex. Meanwhile, you may even become so talented that your spouse loses interest in meeting others. It's even possible that you'll discover in yourself an unexpected polysexual orientation.