All Comments on 'Pop Goes The Weasel Ch. 02'

Absurd and unnatural! As bad as cheating is, it shouldn't be a

capital offense. It just proves that some elevate death over life.

but I think it would have been better had you described more fully the scene between Victoria and Daemon, then Gianni and Daemon. He seems to have been shot, but he got off too easy--he needed to have his nose rubbed in what he did, and the reader would have enjoyed hearing about his fear, and his growing realization that the things he had done were going to cost him his life.

Still, a very powerful story! Thanks for writing.

It should have been "The Weasel Got Popped!" and it could not have happened to a more deserving guy!

I wait with bated breath for your next offering!

Named, no doubt, after the Nursery Rhyme.

Funny how one person thinks execution is too much but another thinks it wasn't enough.

But death just for sex? I think not. Didn't he screw his business partner...a man who sounds like a major villain himself?

Yes, I know about the monkey chasing the weasel around the chicken coop. I never did completely understand that ridiculous little ditty, and there was more to this story I would have liked to understand.

Why did he place the file on her computer? What kind of business was he really in? Was his boss the head of an organized crime family? (that was my impression) What possesed Daemon the think he could get by with screwing over his wife, much less his boss? From a business point of view, how badly would his boss have been hurt? Wouldn't the boss have vigorously questioned Daemon to find out how deep the plot went and if there were others involved?

Killing a man just because he is out getting some strange pussy is a little harsh. The boss killing him before he had all the facts would make the boss pretty stupid.

As written, the story is good and I voted accordingly. However, I think you could have added more detail and made it much more interesting.

Respectfully, Squirrel

If death is the appropriate penalty for infidelity, which is committed by what, 1/3, 1/2 the population, who would be left? How many children would be missing a parent? What did they do to deserve that? What other offenses should come under that purview? carjacking? Robbery? Embezzlement? Perjury? Gambling? I'm not saying give him parole, but that's final. If she's that violent that her attitude is cross me and you're dead, she should be the mafiosa.

Why is he so stupid? Why does he need an incriminating record to be kept of his misdeeds? Why of his skimming? Of what value is this to him? Even if he wanted to be able to relive his affairs through his written record, why not encrypt them and keep them password protected? Does he need to keep the skimming records so he can pay tax on the ill-gotten gains? It doesn't make sense. Even less sense, is to leave them on the computer of a MENSA-quality mind. She probably has some blind spots, but, if she takes a notion, odds are she can figure out how to find something so badly hidden.

Also, if she's going to have him summarily executed, why the need to tease him sexually? Better to tell him he's going to die. Let him suffer the anticipation of his death from stupidity. He'll likely suffer much more from that.

Interesting is the way they view infidelity. He thinks if she did it, there would be an emotional component that would necessarily involve betrayal. If she swings, that component would not exist so it's not the sex with someone else that bothers him, but the betrayal. He feels nothing for anyone else so he doesn't see any betrayal. But there is, because he knows how she feels about it, and what her expectations are, therefore, even though he feels he hasn't betrayed her, he could easily understand that she would feel that he has. To her, the sex is important and the feelings behind it are irrelevant. I wish he would have talked about that a bit, though the ideas were out there for us.

This was pretty well written, but I was uncomfortable with these items.

Don't let the nit pickers get you down and remain true to your story. I went back and reread the first part and it's amazing that people think it is ok for the man to cheat and not the wife. Screw it. Besides, Victoria was NOT to blame for any thing that happened. Gianni didn't kill Daemon solely for 'soiling his wife'. In most business dealings, somebody who embezzles is run through our overworked justice system. In other businesses, though, crimes are dealt with swiftly and permanently.

Thanks for the story.

Tail End Pete

The only thing I would change are the words in bold. You really don't need to do this, as the reader will put the emphasis in automatically. There is also a stray "g" at the top of page 3. Is the story extreme? Of course, but everything you write or do is generally over the top or controversial, so why should this story be any different?

Too many elements of this story didn't quite add up properly. He's smart enough to scam the business, but stupid enough to keep written records of it where anybody could find them? Ditto for the cheating on his wife part.

Its not totally impossible, but it is stretching the bounds of reality.

Here's an encouragement: if I disregard the above issues, its a good piece of writing. I look forward to reading more of your work.

The husband in this story was a philanderer and a swindler. But on top of that he was arrogant. His arrogance was to bring about his downfall.

He completely underestimated the intelligence of his wife. Not an unusual failing in some men might I add! He assumed that he had hidden his records of his affairs and business swindles where the "Little Lady" would not find them (extreme arrogance). Well he was wrong. His wife did a 180 on him; from being the loving wife, she despised him and took her vengeance out on him by sexually teasing him. Now at this point she could have divorced him and in the real world that is what she probably would do.

But divorces are a pain in the arse, ask anyone that's gone through one (or two). The arrogant husband here would most likely have been a real pain; he had plenty of money and would most likely have been extremely vindictive towards his exwife for years to come.

But he left his now not so loving wife with a much easier way out. She just told his associates what he had been up too. She will (most probably) get his money, and he's not going to give her any strife in the future.

I would suggest that any arrogant husbands out there, spend a little money on a memory stick. You can just unplug it and put it in your pocket. Encrypted files can be broken; surprisingly (or should I say frighteningly) easily in some cases. Remember "the powers that be" insist that encryption program writers leave them a back door (Big Brother is watching you!). Leaving an encrypted file on your computer is asking for someone to get suspicious and nosy (Damn there's that bloody arrogance again, they just don't see it).

I loved this story; to me LadyCibelle painted a great picture. The wife was cheated on and suffered mental abuse; she took the ultimate revenge for it, without having to do the deed herself.

I refer you to LadyCibelle's article on abuse in marriage.

DC

That certainly was the ultimate scorched earth ending. I for one think he got what he deserved though.

Clean, concise, tight story of wife's revenge for husbands betrayel. Well executed storyline.

A very nice twist on the typical loving wife story. Well written and well constructed - an enjoyable read. Thanks for your efforts, they are appreciated.

when you write a steamy story it needs to have sex all over it. revenge and other stories don't add up to erotica!!!

Certainly not the typical cheating husband ending but not all that far-fetched either. I liked the way you developed the storyline with good word descriptions. It's kind of like reading an "ouch" story but not unrealistic. All of those people who think that every cheating story can be funneled into one category of endings is living in an unreal world. Good writing.

You man hating women think that this is a cool wife. She is much, much worse then the husband. Hey girls, go read your lesbo stories.

Murdering the father of the children is a little worse than cheating on a spouse. I have a friend who was a cheating bastard to his wife, but reformed and their 5 kids adore him. These kids are now adults, and are all stable individuals. I doubt this crazy bitches kids will be so lucky. By the way you write beautifully. Keep them coming. With high regards

I am astounded by some of the previous comments,are these people real or have they escaped from a mental home.The story is well written and bears witness to the saying about a woman scorned.

I would agree with what other people have said, that, once you get past the idea of the husband leaving details of his conquests on his wife's computer it's a fine story. I have no problem with the ending and no problem mixing the revenge with the erotica. The sex itself was quite erotic, there was character description - not just "he did this, she did that" and the writing was good.

I really do think the story would have been one hundred per cent improved if she had found a more plausible way of finding out the husband had cheated on her so many times.

I would certainly look out for more of your stuff in future.

Well written story with good character development.However, revenge story cannot turn me on.

Well written and very appropriate. Reads like a Hichcock mystery from TV. Good Good Good. I could pick on things I would have written but you did a masterful job

This seemed like a nice story. But she gets him KILLED?! What the hell? Oookay. Somebody needs ritalin...

I know all that rot about a woman scorned, but holy hell this is ridiculous. Killing isnt a solution and to do it because the FATHER OF YOUR KIDS cheated on you is totally insane. Dump him hard, take him for all hes worth, leave him in the streets with nothing, but getting him killed and then joking about it? Yeah this woman needs to be put in an asylum and taken from her kids so they dont get infected by her bat sh*t insanity.

Her solution doesn't jell with the persona you created

of aun upright woman, presumably a responsible mother too,

who would weigh the impact of such an action on her kids.

Daemb-ass sure didn't have a lot of remorse for the evil he caused, and I feel he didn't have a chance to suffer long enough... that bullet was too kind, but I guess that also speaks of the immense respect Gianni held for Victoria. Thanks for sharing!

Well written story. A bit drastic at the end but you came up with the only realistic motive for the murder. A lot of the murders committed in the world are a result of messin with money. Whether stealing from a drug dealer, failing to pay a drug dealer, murdering for insurance purposes, to get rid of an unwanted spouse, or pregnant girlfriend that threatens one's future financial status. Cheating rarely inspires murder in reality. Most people that are cheated on feel some responsibility for it occurring, even if it was a somewhat passive responsibility. As a 40 year cop I found most violence done when catching someone cheating is done in the heat of passion and shortly after the event. This story hardly qualifies as it was done with too much premeditation and planning. Even if it was committed on the same day of discovery. Now if she had killed him as he came in the door whilst waiting in a murderous rage? Would have been a different story wouldn't it? Still, it was a short story of revenge that should make the "Torch the Bitch" readers happy! Or maybe not? I mean, there is a "Double Standard" for men isn't there? As you cattily but correctly wrote...its a real man's right to get a little extra when he's got the stuff! Aren't I right you real men? Ha!I Loved it! Write more about cheating men with lovin wives...

Exciting all the way through. Good character development and plot.

Tended to skip ahead a bit to get to the end. Some of the scenes were a bit long and could have been condensed. Great writing - gave it a 5.

But a bit brutal for my taste. Murder is a lot worse than adultery.

But no more brutal than he was - daily -

He worked very hard for that night and he deserved what he got -

Now she has to find a way to live with causing a human to die - deserved though that death was -

Thanks LadyC it has run well so far - harsh but well -

Vickie was supposed to be long gone before Daemon got whacked. I hope Giavanni didn't leave fingerprints on the sofa or elsewhere. And, of course, HER fingerprints were on the restraints and her dildo was on the floor. The editors could have been more helpful re these and other tiny details.

Seems like a bad deal to me.

She was supposed to be long gone from house before justice was done...unless I miread

Accusing her of murder...she did no such thing...yeah legally she is involved but all she did is fill Gianni in on Daemon's stealing from him. Being in the business he was in, knowing Gianni's response to those who stole from him, Daemon knew the consequences. Added factor of seducing mob boss's wife, makes Daemon to stupid to live.

He wasn't killed for adultery, he was killed for theft from guy who was judge, jury, and executioner in his world.

For a long, long time. She may not have pulled the trigger, but in the eyes of the law, she's an accomplice. Which means she's going to spend years and years in prison. I wonder if she thinks her idea was a good one now?

Yeah a few sick bastards would love to BTB wife if the genders were reversed. But all us sane ones know it's wrong.

For the idiot who said she can't be convicted in re the murder. She sure can, accessory for sure, A and A, conspiracy, and yes she basically contracted hi a hit

Waste of GREAT writing and an other good albeit trite plot

Really enjoyed your story, and your twist on LW cheaters. If you don't want to get dead, don't cheat on your wife, but.most of all don't get sideways with a guy named Gianni. That never ends well. Hope G's wife has a running start.

Nobody ever said killing wasnt allowed in LW stories. Once agaon the iliterate people hjo post anonymously spew their narcissism because they hide behind a no name. I enjoyed this story because it takes a turn in the road that many times has played out in reality and writers are afraid to step over that line. I give this story a 5* rating and stand and applaude you.

Regards,

Cookie