All Comments on 'Punk Rock Princess'

Great start, but ended abruptly. Is there another chapter? Could have done with a short follow on.

It was ausem ,but I see it as a begining of a grate advincher and as long as thair together and in love in the end I don't see how you cood go rong.(I hate tragek ending & haert brake)I awate you'r next submition!

A very confident debut.

From a technical standpoint, you are a solid writer with a good amount of confidence. Sometimes your story fell into the typical first-time erotica pratfalls that you should avoid in the future -- the looking-into-a-mirror cliche to describe the protagonist; using numerical sizes when describing height; a few other cliche phrasing.

Other than that, I greatly enjoyed it. As you write more stories, you will begin to experiment more with your prose. I predict it won't be long until you wow us with some real clever analogies and what not...

On a side note, this paragraph made me LOL:

"The door opened swiftly and Luke greeted me with a nice sucker punch to the side of the head. Never a man to back down from a fight, I tackled him down to the ground and started to pummel his sides. After a minute of brawling, we got up and he gave me a bear hug."

WTF???!!!

This was a great story - and how I would've loved to have lost my virginity too Keep writing :D

Great first!

It's nice to see a different theme to a stereotypically vanilla category (First Time). I enjoyed the alternative characters but like previously mentioned, you still hit some of the typical faux-pas cliches. When you got specific, you were getting specific over the things that didn't add to the story (like penis size & kissing for 15 minutes) instead of being more descriptive in the action itself.

Your language was a bit clumsy at times (example: using "and was soon fucking her very fast" instead of "and was soon fucking her quickly" or starting the sentence over with something simplified along the lines of "I had quickened my pace"). At times, the dialogue didn't sound like how people actually talk (example: "Its alright, I'm on birth control. So please Jack, please fuck me."). When using younger characters (or any characters at all really), it's important to stay in them. That bit of dialogue I pointed out is a clear example of breaking character. Your characters wouldn't talk like that normally, let alone in the heat of the moment.

With that said, I really enjoyed the premise and look forward to potentially reading future work with more punk/alternative characters. With more experience in erotic writing, the descripitions and action itself will flow more naturally. I went into detail over the little mistakes because I liked your work and my intent wasn't to tear into you. With a little bit more polishing, you could turn the corner quickly. It was a fun read and I'd love to see more.

i loved it.being a writer myself i understand that you had to improvise and go with what you would have done.your story remined me so much of me and this guy.we both have a crush on eatch other but have never properly meet before.reading your story makes me think about how its going to happen for me.i understand the way you said that you want to enjoy your first time,well being a virgin,i want the same thing.your a good writer...just add a little more detail.as a writer i like puting a lot of detail so i like to read the juicy details.i have been told to write from experience but how can i being a virgin?i just go with it and imagination takes over...thats what makes me a good writer.shit...i forgot my password sorry but im gonna have to put by anonymose sorry...still loved your story :-]

Liked the story, but it needs a more complete ending. Somewhat abreviated and hurried. Perhaps a Punk Rock Princess II is in order?

Did you get the title from the song "punk rock princess" by the band Something Corporate ?