All Comments on 'Puzzle Pieces Ch. 03'

To short. More

too short it is almost boring

So, is Gabriel a demon too? I thought Adam was the only demon hybrid in their group. Your dialogue is confusing, it's hard to tell who is saying what. You are still supplying more information in the blurb then in the story.

I use those blurbs to give you the quick info, and yes I know the chapters are short it's just the beginning I suppose the longer you can the wait the longer I can make the chapters.

To Reddestiny - thats my whole point. The chapter isn't more then a couple of glorified chapters. If you were clear and concise in your writing then you wouldn't have to explain to us what happened. The problem is, your writing is all over the place and so confusing that it's hard to follow. What you have is more of a basic outline with some gratutious sex thrown in that doesn't do anything for the substance of the chapter. Read some other authors, such as DoctorWolf, JazCullen, Pocketbooklover, mygypsy to understand how to write with substance.

I meant to write - the chapter isn't more then a couple of glorified paragraphs.

I'm completely confused by this story. I'm trying to figure it out but im still at a lost because of the character pov. Who is having the flash backs? Did I miss some information? Are they all wolves? I'd also rather wait and read a decent size section than have a bunch of short confusing parts put up. I think this could end up being a great story

This is all practice for me I'm writing it down as it comes to me. Of course most people dislike it when stories are written like that but that's just how this one is. What I'm moving toward is just a bit different from what I'm use to. So do I know what I'm doing? Of course not and that's why it's so choppy. With this story my only concern is seeing if anyone will read it till the end even if they hate it or their just curious how it ends.

That was an accident, u deserve more than 2 stars. N e way plz kp em coming. I'm liking these new characters.

Now, Red, first off, I like the overall story you are putting out. I understand the characters enough to see their different faces and the mood is there.

What I really believe you should do, from one writer to another to help make your piece better, would be to not only lengthen, because what you have in this chapter is good, but to feed your readers more detail. You did so in the first chapter and that really helped. Don't just describe the people however. Give us setting. Let us see where they are. Feel where they are. Feel what they're are feeling. For example, if I may:

""It doesn't matter you freak!"

Gabriel punched a hole in the door and Frank backed up and fell in the tub yanking the shower curtain down with him.

"You know insulting me isn't the way you'll get me to leave."

"I......"

"You know I hate being the bad guy but I never liked you from the start and now I know why, if I didn't need answers and didn't care what Anaïs thought of me I'd kill you now. Well guess what you're the same slimy little fucker my mate protected our of respect for her mother who deserved better."

He swallowed.

"Give me the information I need or I'll be back and I have your scent now, all you can do is put a barrier between us but I'll find you."

Frank swallowed."

Could be better revised as

""It doesn't matter, you freak!" Frank blurted out, his fear stopping him from thinking first.

Losing his temper, Gabriel punched a hole in the flimsy wooden door, causing the terrified human to stumble back into the tub. Though Frank tried to steady himself with his see-through shower curtain, the thin material broke under his weight and crashed down on top of him.

"You know, insulting me isn't the way you'll get me to leave," Gabriel leered down at the offending man, a low growl in his throat.

"I-I..." Frank stammered before Gabriel suddenly grabbed him by his wife-beater like he was picking up trash.

"You know I hate being the bad guy, but I never liked you from the start. Now I know why. If I didn't need answers or care about what Anaïs thought of me, I'd kill you. Well guess what? You're the same slimy, little fucker my mate protected out of respect for her mother. Who, by the way, deserved better," Gabriel caught Frank's trembling eyes, his own glowed with blazing anger and frustration, "Give me the information I need or I'll be back. I have your scent now, and all you can do is put a poor-piss barrier between us before I'll find you."

Frank swallowed."

It sounds more interesting and gives the reader more to bite into. Don't summarize unless it's for emphasis or hold the reader's hand. Let us figure out what is going on rather than explain yourself at the end. You shouldn't need to in a story. As for the POVs, if you want to keep them the way they are, that's up to you, but for the first person ones, instead of Character POV, tell us which character, in this chapter's case Nicole POV. In the 3rd person POV, however, like I had done at the top, if it's only two characters, always using the names to state who they are isn't necessary, especially if it's a male and female talking. You also don't need to tell us you changed over because the -------- lines help along with the change in POV.

As you stated, keep practicing. And you do have a good story, just give us more to look forward to. Also, I hate saying this one, because it's always slammed down my throat, but check your grammar. Grammar not only stops run-ons, but is also good word art. It. Makes. Things....just-- POP!! ...Out a little more (tee-hee~!) for us to enjoy.

I would like to see a revision of this chapter, and keep writing. I'm looking forward to the next installment. ^^

-- C.C

This story has some potential. Yet, I am confused. In the first chapter, you wrote that Gabriel thought Anais died, yet once she was at his house he can use the bond that eternal mates have. If he can use the bond years later why not for the years previous? Wouldn't he sense she was still alive even though he attended the so-called funeral? Also, you wrote that Gabriel impregnated Vivian and married her to appease the council. Later in the character list you wrote that eternal mates are the ones that can provide offspring. So, how could Gabriel impregnate Vivian if she is not his eternal mate? You write one thing that then is contradicted by another. Please ensure that there is more of a flow and less of oxymoronic information in your story line. It is distracting to read sebtences that contradict one another, because the mind then questions how both ways are possible. The more distracted a reader is from a story, the less encouraged he or she is in continuing reading.

Your story needs better presentation, though I do think that there's some good potential here. Maybe get an editor? Also to the oxymoron dude, mates can produce offspring, but eternal mates can produce MORE offspring. I'm really looking forward to seeing where this story goes! :)