by beaked_orchid
You had so much potential to make this story much more erotic than it already was but you failed to utilize that potential and wasted it on pointless trivia. I feel that the story itself had an excellent start but the overall content was disapponting. Had the story continued and had you secured Tonya as being a truly evil antagonist and your sister as the helpless maiden your story would have a much stronger effect.
that the racial element in this story was wrong. And it added nothing to it.
It would have been More realistic if the brother followed the crack head nigger home and raped and permanently defaced her. Like Cutting her scalp off. Maybe putting one of those plates in her mouth and a female circumcision?
this story is a joke, whatever happened to this black girl, did she know who her father was, was she a crack head, no white people helped her.? This story blew.
Wow man. I'm so sorry that happened to her. That is just fucked up.
now if u was white why did u let the niggers win or what are u a wigger damn if my sis was down like that ya better belive i would help her out instead of lettin your fake colors come out u should have let your tru colors
whith his thumb up his ass? So much for your vision of chivalry. I actually thought this was one of the most pointless stories written on this site.
I found nothing to like. The racial tensions were overstated and characters are made to be more helpless or bloodthirsty than is likely or believable.
Good story but it would have been better if you took out the racial sterotyping. It didn't add anything to the story and left me wondering why you kept emphasizing it. Still, looking forward to chapter 2.
Great story. Not appealing to everyone I'm sure, but the fight is one of the best ones that I've read. Hope second part is comming soon. Keep'em coming.
great story development and enjoyed the humiliation aspect of the story... how about developing the second episode?
I don't understand what's sexy in this story? its a story about a brutal fight of racism
you need to do a sequel. any further humiliations? I am a women who loves to be under another women control.
too much emphasis on the characters race. How does that aid your story unless it is inherently racist?