Rachel's Story

By all rights Richard should have walked out the door, or at the very least extracted some form of punishment. Even thought I had not told him I had had intercourse, what I had revealed was enough that even if I hadn't had intercourse I had cheated, why did I feel cheated that he didn't get mad. Worse yet why did I have this empty but painful feeling in my heart. When sleep finally came I hadn't resolved any of this, I was as confused as I had been earlier when having sex with Richard. I do remember that at some point the tears started, not stopping until I lapsed into the oblivion of sleep, where conscious pain and fear seems to slip away.

The next morning I didn't even hear the alarm go off. Richard woke me up as he was leaving for work, telling me he'd take the girls to day care for me, he'd reset the alarm for 8:30, so I could sleep in. I remember at first thinking what a sweet man I was married to, then the awareness of the night before filled my mind and I wasn't sure what kind of man I was married to.

When the alarm finally woke me, I realize that if I didn't hurry I'd be late for class. Forcing all thoughts except the coming day from my head, I took a quick shower, toweled off, dressed then dried my hair. Deciding I didn't really have time to put my face on, I headed for the front door. Just as I was leaving the phone rang, debating whether to answer it or not, finally picking the phone up just before the answering machine did it for me. The voice on the other end of the phone was Bruce's. He said he wanted to see me and asked me if I'd have lunch with him. If I'd taken time to consider that I may have said no but I didn't, telling him I'd meet him at 11:30. As I headed out the door I checked the mirror, as is my habit every time I leave the house. I realized I couldn't meet Bruce looking like this, my hair was a mess, I didn't have any make up on and all I was wearing was an old T-shirt and a worn out pair of jeans.

Deciding to skip class I started over again. I picked a light weight yellow suit and a silk blouse to wear. When I looked in the mirror I didn't like the look, it was just boring, I didn't want to be boring. After going through my closet I decided on an outfit that Richard had insisted I buy, at the time I didn't think I'd ever wear it. It consisted of a green tube top, matching belt, with a suede skirt that snapped up the front, just below my knee in length, to that I added a pair of dress sandals that were almost the exact match in color to my skirt. When I tried it on for Richard he had talked me into unsnapping all the snaps save for the last three, doing so exposed all but the last couple of inches of my thigh. I remember thinking how sensual that had looked so I decided to wear it that way. When I unsnapped the skirt it exposed the top of my thigh highs so I decided to remove them for what I considered an even more sensual look, maybe even a little seductive. Not to mention, I couldn't get the though of Bruce's hand on my bare thighs, out of my mind. I'd like to say that Richard entered my mind during this time but the truth is not once, my thoughts were filled only with Bruce.

When I arrived at the restaurant Bruce was there waiting for me, he'd arranged for a booth in the far corner with a view of the ocean. I was surprised by how awkward our conversation was at first, after all we'd shared each others bodies two nights before. Finally we both started to relax and the conversation turned to the real reason we we're together, where do we go from here. Bruce of course wanted to carry on our relationship which really meant he wanted to continue having sex with me. I'm not faulting him for that, I to wanted the sex to continue.

The problem is that things just don't stay the same, I could lie to myself, say it could just remain sex. As I said before I was attracted to Bruce, the problem was it wasn't just his body I was attracted to. It wasn't long after I'd first met Bruce that I realize if I hadn't been married he was the kind of man I could fall in love with, maybe I already was falling. No matter what my feeling were now, I knew that if I continued seeing Bruce those feeling would go way beyond sexual. I ran all the possibilities though my head. Would Bruce fall in love with me. Could I love two men at the same time, even if I could, wouldn't one be loved more then the other. Wouldn't a time come when you had to choose one of them. If that happened and my choice was Bruce, could he become a father to my daughters, would he even want to be. Would he want children of his own, I'd made sure that just wasn't possible, maybe Richard had been right all along. There was also the possibility that I'd lose both of them. That I feared the most, I'd never been alone, I didn't know if I could even take care of myself much less my daughters.

I felt no need to hide any of what I was thinking from Bruce so I told him. After lunch we walked along the beach, continued talking about what could be. We even spent time talking about how wrong this was, not so much for Bruce he was single and he admitted that he felt no apprehension going after a married woman if he felt he wanted her. I told Bruce about my childhood, the way I'd been brought up, that I'd rejected most of that, but I still couldn't get over the feeling that a married woman should be committed to her husband. That even my being with him was a violation of our marriage bond. I also told him about the night before, about how if that hadn't have happened, I didn't think I'd be with him now. That I would never regret what had happened between us but it would never have happened again.

Bruce could not understand how a man could really love a woman and then want her to be with other men. He made me laugh when he said that if Richard was looking for volunteers, he was available any time, "Tuesday night was good for him. If Richard didn't mind, he'd take Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday nights and all day Saturdays and Sundays."

If I hadn't been sure before, I was sure that I could fall in love with Bruce by the time we got back to the parking lot, I knew I could. I knew not only that I could, I knew I would if I committed to having an affair with him. Up until he kissed me, I was committed to having an affair with him. Something about that kiss, loving, tender, and at the same time filled with passion, changed my mind. This was all wrong, I was married, if I allowed an affair with Bruce to destroy my marriage, whatever Bruce and I had would be tainted by that. I suppose I wished things were different, I suppose I even hoped that somehow, someday they would be but in the here and now it wasn't right for us to be together. As much as I wanted to cry I held it back, finally breaking away from Bruce, I told him that as much as I wanted him, I could not do what we both wanted. With that I got into the car and drove away, only when I was out of Bruce's site did I allow the tears to fall. Not knowing where else to go I drove to Liz's house.

Liz tried her best to console me. Liz having gone thought two divorces didn't have that great of an opinion of men anyway. Her philosophy was that she needed men but she didn't need them to be a big part of her life, so more or less, she'd use them, then when she was tried of one she'd find another. Her life style worked for her, I was sure it wasn't what I wanted or could even live with. After I calmed down some I told her about Bruce, how wonderful it was making love with him. Of course she already knew how my sex life with Richard was, I'm sure she just figured my night with Bruce was average, it wasn't average I assure you of that. I told her how much I liked Bruce, how easily I felt I could fall in love with him, how despite all of that I was not going to see him again.

I felt so ashamed but I told her exactly what had happened the night before between Richard and I. How turned on he was, how turned on I was. But how hurt the whole idea of Richard liking the idea of me sleeping with other men made me feel.

She joked, although I'm not sure it was so much of a joke, that I should just take advantage of Richard's strange desire, it could be fun having a new man when things got boring at home. Then becoming dead serious she told me that things could be worse he could have desires to be the one cheating.

Liz also told me that my husband wasn't the only man who had these desires, lots of men have them. "Rachel sometimes your so naïve, men have all kinds of fantasies that we couldn't even dream of. Men wanting to watch their partners with someone else is so common that there are books written about the subject, entire web sites devoted to just that subject. Most adult story sites on the internet have tons of those stories."

"That doesn't make it right, it is still not normal. I don't see how a man could wants his wife to make love to other men and really be in love with her," was the only response I could think of.

"The first place he doesn't want you to make love to anyone, he wants you to fuck them, big difference as far as I'm concerned. Second most people wouldn't think it was right you fucking Bruce, either. That's right Rachel you fucked him you didn't make love to him, you don't love him." Accentuating the word fucking as she said it.

Didn't I, I wasn't sure of that. "Your so wrong Liz, I may not know as much about the world as you do, but one thing I do know, Bruce and I made love."

"Whatever," Liz said sarcastically, before continuing. "What most people think doesn't always make things wrong either. I would have thought you understood that. As for love, I don't know if Richard loves you Rachel, I'm not convinced you love him."

Then she told me that Lester, a man she'd dated for almost two years, had this thing for threesomes, although they hadn't really discussed it she just assumed he liked watching or he wouldn't have proposed it in the first place. I guess I was some what shocked by her revelation. Maybe even more shocked when she told me she liked being with two men. Then she really bowled me over when she told me she liked threesomes with another woman even better.

"By your definition Rachel, I guess I'm not a normal person either. Your thinking that does hurt but I don't really care what others think. I do what is right for me, I don't live my life according to what others think is right for me. Didn't you have enough of that from Dad and his fellow fanatics, even your own mother couldn't stand it. She's much happier now that he's not a part of her life."

"Rachel you acting like a baby, nobody is going to make you happy, that is something you have to do for yourself. If your not happy then do something about it. As I see it you have three choices. One is you can stay married to Richard leave things as they are and make yourself happy by having an affair with Bruce.

"Second you can just leave Richard. Rachel you may not believe this but you can make it on your own. If you did that you'd be free to pursue whatever or whom ever you wanted. No leaving him is not an easy option, but your done with school, and I know you'll do fine in whatever career you chose. At first you won't have any money, worse you won't have time to spend with the girls, not the amount of time you have now. But you can make it on your own. You know if it was me I'd just cut bait and run, but I'm biased, I've never liked Richard."

"Third, you can try to just accept Richard the way he is, your not going to change him. I think you've already made up your mind to stay with him. I'm not sure I really believe you when you tell me the only thing wrong with your marriage is your sex life. Lets just assume that it is only the sex. You said that you got really turned on last night telling him about part of what happened with Bruce. He was equally turned on, I would think you can use that knowledge to at least improve your sex life."

Interrupting her I said, "I'm not going out whoring around just to satisfy Richard's lust. Maybe you could, Liz! Oh god, I'm so sorry I didn't mean it the way that sounded. I am not judging you, I've always wanted to be like you, I wish I was as liberated as you are, I just can't be you. Maybe it's best if I go home and work this out myself, I'd rather have a sexless marriage then live like that."

"Damn it Rachel, I'm not telling you to be a whore. Just listen to what I have to say. What I was thinking was you could just make up stories, you do have fantasies don't you?" Not waiting for a reply Liz continued. "From what you've told me Richard isn't much of a lover, he wants to hurry things so he can get himself off, having no regard for your needs. I think most of that is just selfishness on his part." I started to defend Richard. "Keep quiet Rachel, no matter what you want to believe that is the only reason Richard doesn't take his time. I've been around enough men to know that selfish men think only of themselves. With those men, if you don't demand you get yours first you aren't going to either. They are just going to roll over and fall asleep leaving you hanging." Describing Richard to a tee. "As I see it you can use those stories to get what you need, if he goes to fast you just stop telling him your fantasy. If you want more oral then you stop telling him when he stops. You want orgasms then you make him give them to you or you don't continue your story."

"It just seems to me Rachel that no matter what you say, a sexless marriage is out of the question for you. Even worse is having sex and never being satisfied. I think you should at least give it a try, it can't really make anything worse then it already is, can it?" Finishing this Liz looked at me waiting for a reply.

"Even if I agree with you that it does make sense, in a perverted sort of way. I don't think fantasies are what Richard wants. He wants me to be with other men, not fantasy men. I can make up all the stories I want to but he'll know they're just that. When am I supposed to have done all these things, in a past life." Figuring I'd just shot down Liz's idea.

"Are you telling me that's your only objection? You don't think Richard well believe you? Or is it that you couldn't make up a believable story?" Liz asked.

"I know he wouldn't believe me. The stories wouldn't be believable because he'd know I couldn't have done them. Not because I can't have believable fantasies!" I responded, putting emphases on the last statement.

"If that's your only objection, we'll take care of that tomorrow night. Tonight tell Richard you and I are going out for a girls night out. I want you dressed and ready to go by seven, I'll pick you up. I'll even help you with your first fantasy night out. Rachel, we are going out, I'm not sitting here while you feel sorry for yourself. And for gods shake, Dress sexy. It won't hurt if you looked the part of a woman looking for sex, you want Richard to believe your going out to pick up a man, then dress like your really are." Liz was going to have her way no matter what, so I gave in, agreeing to go out with her.

It was time for bed before I decided to tell Richard I was going out the next night with Liz. Before I could tell Richard I was going out, he started in about Bruce. Being I had made the decision not to tell him about all that happened between Bruce and myself. Strange as this sounds I felt it had been to beautiful an experience to tarnish by using it as a dirty story for my husband. In my mind that is what Richard wanted, dirty real life stories about me as a slut. Adding to that I just wasn't in the mood, I guess I hadn't quite recovered from the night before. Funny if you think about it, I was put off by what had happened and here I was planning on making up stories to make it happen again.

Finally I just lied to Richard telling him nothing else had happened between Bruce and myself. Adding to the lie I told Richard that if I'd had known then that he's wanted me to I would have. That's when I told him Liz and I were going out the next night. Before he could object, I added that maybe I'd have something to tell him when I got home. I wish I could describe the look on his face, think of a little boy finding himself all alone in a candy store, a look of shock but oh so much pleasure. Richard still wanted sex, but he was going to have to wait. Telling him I was tried and I wanted to be well rested for my night out, I may be home really late. I gave him a kiss then rolled over facing away from him. Then Richard said "Goodnight Honey, I love you." I at least managed a "Goodnight", which was better then the night before.

Exhaustion had surely set in, I didn't remember anything at all after the goodnight, not until the alarm went off the next morning. Surprisingly I felt good that morning, I even had some optimism that Liz's plan may just work out. I don't really know what had changed during the night, but something seemed to have. I was feeling better about Richard, why I don't really know. Thinking that Liz was right it could be a lot worse, Richard could be out cheating on me, or worse yet looking for someone else to spend his life with. I won't say I had a sudden change of heart about liking the idea of Richard wanting me to have sex with other men, but I did feel that even as strange as it was, at least his fantasy was about me, not some other woman.

I'll even admit to being a little horny, the exact cause of that I'm not sure of. I just interpreted it to mean that tonight I may finally have better sex with Richard. Those feeling remained with me all day long. By the time I got home that afternoon I was really horny. I gave myself some relief with the shower massager while I was taking my shower. That helped but I was still feeling horny when Richard came into the bathroom while I was toweling off. I almost lost control when Richard started to kiss me and caress my breasts. Forcing my body under control I pushed him out of the bathroom, saying to him, "You'll have to wait until I get home. I hope you don't mind sloppy seconds." I shocked myself with that last part, I'd heard the term before but why it came out at that time, I'll never know. I did have to giggle as I shut and locked the door baring his return. I seemed to be out of control, I couldn't help myself, opening the door enough to stick my head out I said to Richard, "What do you call thirds or fourths, Dear." I could hardly contain the laughter when his month opened in pure disbelief.

I decided to wear the most reveling dress I had in my closet. It really was a bit much for a night out with my sister but it was so reveling, cut low in the front and back, and really short. I had a strapless bra that I could have worn but I decided to go without, in my aroused state my nipples were plainly on view though the shear fabric. Again I decide to go without hose. Just before I left the bedroom I took off my panties, putting them into my purse intending to put them back on when I got into Liz's car, I didn't. I was going to make sure Richard knew I wasn't wearing any panties before I left the house. I really did look the part of a woman on the make. Looking that way and feeling as horny as I was, maybe I really was.

When I heard Liz hook her horn, I went to the front door, opened it then yelled I'd be out in a minute. Going back into the family room, I kissed the girls goodnight, they hardly paid attention as they were both engrossed in some carton on the TV.

I took Richard's hand leading him to the door, I put my hands around the back of his neck then rub my sex up and down his leg, while giving him a really passionate kiss. Then I took his hand and ran it up under my dress letting him feel my bare vulva, I wanted to make sure he knew I was completely naked, save for my dress. Saying to him as I used his hand to rub my pussy, "Feel how wet I am already. I'm so hot just thinking about being with some stranger. The truth is Richard I'm so hot I may have seconds, thirds and fourths."