All Comments on 'Reading the Defense Ch. 02'

You must have aced your creative writing courses, but I would suggest you contact one of the editing helpers - just an occasional problem.

I like this story so far, and I too might suggest visiting an editor helper. I'm looking forward to seeing which direction you choose to go with it.

and quibbles will follow via "Send Feedback". I like your characters, and you have a good story going. But the technicals get in the way. You don't want off-side or illegal procedure or delay of the game or too many players on the field--they kill coaches and lose games.

A well developing story, with nicely defined characters. Much like life, lets face it, most relationships develop gradually, don't let anyone talk you into increasing the pace of the story. I do agree with the other commentors, you need to get an editor involved if only to help you with the development.

These don't sound at all like real people - certainly not like adults. They're 30 years old plus or minus and sound like teen agers. There's not much to like here. Sayonara.