Regrets

"That was great, lover; we'll have to do that again sometime soon."

It was then when reality hit me. I had just fucked a slut on my kids' bed. I had pretty much reached my sexual bottom.

"No, Jenn, never again. I made a huge mistake. I should never have let you come in. I'm so sorry for what I did."

"Sorry? You've got to be kidding. It was great and I'm looking forward to the swap."

"Get out of my house, Jenn. There won't be any swap."

She laughed as she left the house.

I felt terrible, I really did. Sure, fucking another mans wife was something else but now reality set in. I was nothing but a cheating low-life with no will power. Darcy deserved a lot better. I didn't know what to do. Should I confess to Darcy or hope it goes away. I was a nervous wreck. I went in the girls' room and straightened up the bed and picked up the cum soaked towel.

I wiped a few drops off the hardwood floor that must have dripped out of Jenn's pussy when she was sucking me off. I wasn't sure what to do with the towel. I couldn't leave it for Darcy to find so I decided to wash a load of towels. It would get rid of the evidence. I took a beer and poured some on the kitchen floor and wiped it up with a clean towel. I could use that for my excuse for washing the towels. Besides I could use a beer about then.

When Darcy and the girls got home, I was folding towels.

"What are you doing? Did you wash some clothes?" asked Darcy.

"Just a load of towels. I spilt beer on the floor and used the towels to clean it up. I knew you would get mad that I didn't use paper towels, so I thought I would wash them for you."

"You're right, Honey, but I would have forgiven you. I love you too much to worry over a spilt beer," she said.

Now I felt worse. She was being nice to me and I had just cheated on her. "God, please help me. I don't want her to find out and hurt her." I thought God helped me the first time, maybe he would help me again. Then I thought about my promise to God, "Help me and I will never do it again." But I did. I broke my promise to God and my wife.

A couple of days had gone by and I came home from work to a very different Darcy sitting at the kitchen table when I got home. She looked like she had been crying but now was calm.

"What's the matter, Honey?" I asked.

"Sit down; I have something to ask you. I sent the kids over to Mom's till we are finished talking."

I suspected the worst, and that's what I got.

"Did you fuck that slut, Jenn? I've been married to you and if I'm going to believe anybody, it's going to be you. You know you're a poor liar and I need the truth," she said. "Also you should know that Jenn has never been in our house but she knows what kind of bedspread the girls have on their bed. Now, with that all said, did you fuck her?"

Hell, how could I avoid answering her? She had tears in her eyes and waited for my answer.

"Darcy, it was a mistake. I should have never done it. I'm so sorry; I don't know what to say. Please, I was just too weak. I won't do it again. Please forgive me." I was now crying myself.

"Get out of my house right now. You dirty son-of-a-bitch..."

"Darcy, wait. We can get over this... and... and..."

"Get the fuck out of my house before I go get the gun and shoot you!"

"What about my clothes and stuff?"

"Get the fuck out now! You can come back tomorrow when I'm not here and take your fucking stuff."

"Darcy, I'm so sorry, I really lo.."

"Get out now, you bastard!"

I knew her mood had changed and that I had better leave. I left and got in my truck and drove away. I had no idea where I was going. I also wondered how she found out. Did Jenn call her and why? Was it just to ruin our marriage?

I headed to Mom and Dad's. I told them that Darcy had kicked me out and why. My parents loved Darcy and they told me how disappointed they were in me. They said that I could sleep in the basement for a couple of days till Darcy cooled off. If she didn't let me back in, then I had to find an apartment to live in. They let me know that they were siding with Darcy and she would always be welcome at their home.

I went by the next day to get a few things and Darcy was home but the kids were still at her mom's.

"Darcy, I'm so sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it. I'm going to the attorney today to file for a divorce. I'm here to ask you a couple of questions."

"Darcy, please give me a chance to explain."

"Okay, explain this! You bring a woman I despise into our house and fuck her. Not as though that isn't enough, but then you say you want to include me in your perverted games and want to see that filthy pig Carl fuck me. Is that true or not?"

"Yes, No, Shit, I mean -- Oh, Christ. I said it but I never meant it. I never want you with another man. You have to believe me."

"Believe you? You've been saying the same thing in our bed, with me. What am I supposed to believe? You, your dreams, your actions, what kind of a man are you that you have a fucking pig come and ask me for sex?"

"What? I never said that to anyone."

"You just told me you said that to your slut girlfriend. Yeah! I know it all. Her fucking pig of a husband came by and asked me for sex."

"What? When? What happened? Please tell me."

"Fine, like you don't know. Carl came by and said he wanted to talk to me. I told him to wait on the porch, while I turned the stove down because I was cooking. I wasn't going to let that bastard in my house. When I came in the kitchen, he came up behind me and squeezed my boob. I screamed and pushed him back and grabbed my butcher knife and he backed away. He was scared and went out the front door. He yelled that you said he could come here and have sex with me and that you wanted to swap wives. Did you say that?"

"I didn't mean it! Jenn asked me during sex and you know how I get. I might have said something like that, but I never meant it."

"You cock sucker! I called Jenn and she told me everything. How you loved fucking her and want to watch other men fuck me. Hell, now I know why you even washed the towels. Rhett, I loved you with all my heart and you fucking stomped on it. I'm going to go to my mom's and I don't want you here when I get back. If you are, I promise I will kill you. We'll talk about the divorce at another time. I can't right now."

I wanted to say something, but I couldn't talk. I just watched the love of my life walk out of my life. I cried and then gathered up a few belongings.

In the days that followed I found an efficiency apartment above the store that we always go to. It was less than a mile from the house. It was big enough for me. It was already furnished so I didn't need to take much with me. It was a cheap place to live but was close to my family.

My sister and brother both sided with Darcy. Why wouldn't they? She was right. I was a fucking weak-willed man who couldn't say no to other women. Darcy's family didn't talk to me much either. Her mom was the only one who still talked to me.

Darcy asked for dissolution on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. She gave me the right to come over and see the kids as often as I wanted, as long as I called first. I didn't take them on weekends since we lived so close. Darcy got pretty much everything, including the house which we barely had any equity in, her car and all the home furnishings. I kept my 401k and my personal things. I paid a pretty hefty child support but I didn't care. My kids weren't going to do without because of my faults.

I didn't care; I lost the only thing that meant anything to me, which was Darcy, only I didn't act like it. I just wanted us back together. I tried to talk with her about staying together but she wouldn't budge on the issue, and who could blame her. She was a great wife and mother who married a prick with no willpower.

It seemed odd stopping by to see my kids but I was lucky Darcy even went along with it. She told her mom that I was always a good father and she wasn't going to deprive me or the girls of seeing each other. Most of the time I played with the girls or once they were both in school, I helped them with their homework. I wanted to stay a big part of their lives. Who knew? Maybe somewhere up the road even Darcy could see I wasn't so bad.

The hardest thing for me when stopping by was seeing Darcy. She always looked so nice and even talked nice to me about anything but us. I wasn't able to touch or hold her or even give her a light kiss on the cheek. I took it out on the girls by nearly hugging them to death.

All in all I didn't think I wasn't a bad person. Who am I kidding? I'm a fucking prick, putting my wife through hell. I loved my family and I loved my now ex-wife. They are still the reason for my existence. I just wish I hadn't been such a weak-willed bastard. I still worked hard and worked all the overtime I could get to help support my family.

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I remember the day I received my divorce papers in the mail. I walked up to my old house and Darcy came to the door crying. She must have gotten her papers also. She opened the door and said, "Not today, Rhett, I can't see you today. Mom came and took the girls home with her. I just need to be alone."

I started crying again, like I had been doing ever since I got the letter. "Darcy, just so you know, I'm truly sorry and will always love you." I turned and went to the neighborhood bar to get plastered.

I was drunk when I left the bar and got into my truck. I thought about it and decided that I didn't need to get caught driving drunk so I walked. I found myself in front of Jenn and Carl's house. I banged on the door and Carl came to the door.

"Get out here, you son-of-a-bitch, so I can beat your fucking ass," I yelled.

"You're drunk; get off my property before I'll call the police," replied Carl.

"Listen, you prick, you helped ruin my marriage and if I ever see you near my house or around my wife again, I will kill you, you perverted maggot."

Here I was blaming this man for ruining my marriage. I knew it was me who did it, but this prick did approach my wife and I was drunk.

I staggered off the porch and headed home -- to my apartment that is. The walk probably did me good. I got to the apartment and passed out. I heard the alarm clock go off for work the next morning.

Life went on and I saw the kids as often as I could without being overly disruptive. Darcy and I were getting along pretty good. Sometimes she even asked me to stay for dinner. We even took the kids to the show together and did a few other things. I was never allowed to spend the night and of course never allowed to hug or kiss the woman I loved.

Holidays were somewhat of a problem. I would always see the kids and then they would visit their grandparents on both sides. I went to my wife's parents' house one time, but got such a cold shoulder, I never went back to their house for the holidays. My mother-in-law, whom we call mum instead of mom so we can tell which mother we are talking about, is the only one to treat me nice. I pretty much get the cold shoulder from everyone else.

Even at my parents' house, I feel like the third wheel. I know my parents haven't gotten over my actions. Hell, I haven't gotten over it yet. I decided that from now on, I would just go to my parents' house alone during the holidays. If Darcy brings the kids later, that's fine. I was so tired of explaining my stupidity to everyone.

I've been working longer and longer hours lately. I've been trying to visit with the kids at least twice during the week and to see them at least one day on the weekend. I would take them to see my mom and dad at least once a week.

On Wednesday, I heard that my sister and a couple of her female friends were going to have a girls' night out and invited Darcy to go with them and she accepted. Believe it or not I was dumbfounded. I never thought about Darcy going out and meeting another man. I guess I just assumed that given enough time she would take me back. What an idiot I had become.

I called Brad, a friend of mine who was also divorced - his wife had cheated on him - and I asked him if he wanted to go out Saturday night and have a couple of drinks. We set up a time and I told him I would pick him up.

I knew the girls would go bowling and then probably to the lounge next door to the bowling alley. I was right and when we arrived at the lounge I saw my sister, Darcy and three other women with them. I recognized the other gals as friends of my sister. Darcy was the only single gal at the table.

Brad and I sat down and ordered a couple of beers. The band started playing and I went to get up to ask Darcy to dance. That is when she first noticed me and looked surprised. I took two steps before my sister stepped in front of me.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" asked Sue.

"I was just going to ask Darcy to dance," I replied.

"Why, Rhett? Why are you here? It took us three months to convince Darcy to get out and have a little fun and as soon as she goes out, you're right there to spoil it for her. Why don't you drink your beer, go home and let Darcy forget about her problems for one night."

I knew Sue was right as I turned around to go sit back down. The band was playing a fast song and some guy walked up to Darcy and asked her to dance. She looked over at me and then got up to dance. I knew she mainly got up to spite me and it was working. She was moving her beautiful ass all over the floor. I knew she was shaking it especially because I was there.

The song stopped and she was headed back to her seat when the man asked her to continue dancing. It was a slow love song. She kind of shook her head as if to say no but then went back out on the dance floor with the guy. It hurt me, it really did but I deserved everything that happened to me.

The man pulled her closer and she didn't seem overly happy about it. After a minute or so he slid his hand down to her ass and she pushed it back up. When he did it a second time she pushed him away, called him a pig, and went back to her seat.

He laughed and headed for the men's room. Brad had asked my sister to dance and they were still on the dance floor. Brad knew better than to mess with Sue so I knew they were just dancing.

I followed the man into the men's room and, while he was pissing in the urinal, I quickly grabbed him by the nape of the neck and slammed his head into the block wall twice. I then threw him onto his back on the floor and kicked him twice in the gonads. He just laid there a total mess. He never even got a good look at me. I turned and walked back into the bar. The dance had ended and Brad was walking Sue back to her table. I told Brad to come with me quickly.

What had I just done was stalking my wife. I reflected that I was the definition of a stalker and turning into a total jerk now.

"What's going on, Rhett?" he asked me as all the girls looked on.

"Just come with me. I'll explain later."

We headed out the door and into our car. When we got about six blocks away, we heard the police cars. I explained to Brad what I did and he told me how stupid that was.

"Have you lost your mind? Let her go! You're going to get locked up if you're not careful. You can't make her love you; it's something that she has to choose."

I was almost back to Brad's house when my phone rang. It was Darcy.

"What the hell did you do? The police came to our table since I was the last one to dance with him. I told them I didn't even know the guy. What is the matter with you, Rhett?"

"He grabbed your ass and when you told him no, he did it again. It bothered me."

"Bothered you? You're the fantasy man, remember? What the hell would you have done if I fucked him?" asked Darcy.

"I'd have killed him," I answered.

"I don't need your help, Rhett. I'm capable of taking care of myself."

"You're right, I'm sorry, I will never bother you again when you go out. If I ever see you, I'll leave the place. I can't seem to do anything right." I hung up the phone.

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I knew that Darcy was now starting to date and went out with the girls at work. She didn't go out a lot or try to flaunt it. I guess she was trying to start over.

I decided to go out and have a few dates myself. I dated probably twice a month with women who were probably as lonely for companionship as I was. I had sex with them but it wasn't love; it was just sex. One night I was in the store downstairs from where I lived and in came Alice.

"Hi there, stranger, long time no see. Still giving those massages?"

"Hi, Alice, you're looking as good as ever," I said while looking over her nice body.

"Sorry to hear about you and Darcy, but shit happens. I should know - I'm divorced too, you know. I sure could use one of those temple massages right now. I came to the store to buy some Advil."

"I live upstairs if you care to come up. I can massage those temples among other things." I wanted her to know that she would be getting a full body massage if she came up.

"It sounds great. Lead the way," replied Alice.

She did buy the Advil and I bought a twelve pack of beer. I let her go upstairs first so I could watch that ass. I had to wonder if this was cheating. Then I remembered I was divorced and Darcy was out on the dating scene or at least out with the girls.

As soon as we walked in the door, Alice turned around and kissed me.

"I've wanted you for a very long time. My kids are with their dad so I can take as long as necessary to get that full body massage."

I did give her the massage and I had sex with her three times. It was nearly three in the morning before she left. She was an excellent fuck but I missed the cuddling I always had with Darcy.

Over the next year Alice and I got together a number of times. We both knew up front that it was just the sex which made it easier on both of us to deal with.

I kept in close contact with my parents and of course Darcy's mom. I still saw my kids three times a week unless they needed something special. I went to all the school functions. Darcy would be there with the kids. I would always sit in the back, watch my kids and go home. I tried sitting with Darcy one time but she said she would prefer I sit somewhere else.

It had been three years and Thanksgiving was approaching. Darcy was going to take the kids as usual to her moms and I would be headed to my parents' for dinner. The girls asked me to make sure Grandma Parks, my mom, saved them some noodles. They loved her noodles. I promised them that I would bring some home for them.

When I mentioned it to Mom it brought tears to her eyes. She loved the girls and asked me if maybe they could come to our house for Christmas dinner. I told her I would ask Darcy and get back with her on it.

The day after Thanksgiving I took the girls the noodles and they called their Grandma Parks to thank her. While they were thanking her Darcy handed me a quarter of a pumpkin pie.

"Mum said to give this to you. She knows it's your favorite and you told her one time that she made the best pumpkin pie."

"She's right, it is my favorite and I do believe hers is the best I've ever had. It was nice of her to think about me."

Every woman out there has something special that she cooks. My mom's is homemade noodles, Darcy's mum is pumpkin pie. Every woman that I know that can cook has her own specialty. No matter how much you try, it will never taste as good by someone else. My mom always told me that it was the extra love that she put in her noodles. I believe her.

Over the weekend Darcy was complaining about her side hurting her. I told her she ought to see a doctor. I paid extra money at work to make sure Darcy had good insurance. She told me if the pain didn't go away, she would see a doctor.

On Thursday, I was at work when I received a phone call. I never get calls at work unless it's an emergency. It was Mum, Darcy's mother. She called to tell me that the school called and they rushed Darcy to the hospital. She had a terrible pain in her side. I told her I would see her at the hospital. I told my boss that I had an emergency and had to leave. I also asked him if I could have the next day off.