All Comments on 'Revelation Blues Pt. 04'

good

But I'm glad its over! The story itself was okay but, as has been said about earlier parts, wa-ay too long.

I still found it annoying when you often changed fro present to past tense in mid-sentence. Please, next time find an editor - and preferably one with a large pair of scissors!

Before you write more, sit down and understand the use of conditional tenses. Your grammer and punctuation is fair, but your tenses are frequently erroneous.

for example, I never saw this usage: "If I had had time, I would have studied English".

Peter

Enjoyed this one a lot. Revenge like this is so much better than the violence the LW readership seems to prefer.

Was struck by your insight that wife was still a big kid and had no real understanding as to the pain she had caused. For some reason, I got it into my head that husband would destroy her in order to help her grow up and would eventually reconcile. Also, wife, as portrayed, had my sympathy. Poor little clueless child.

He and son will be okay. I would not want my children to see their mother hurting for any reason. And really, some of those big bucks he had tucked away is hers as it was earned during the marriage. She is selfish, but he is a thief.

I just know that wife will evenually get a very generous monthly allowance for the rest of her life and son will get it all eventually. How do I know this? Does not strike me as being a real asshole. Cause really, she is just a big kid, and he, husband, beat the crap out of her - figuratively.

Just read the comments about the writing lessons you need to take. Sorry, was so busy enjoying the story that i missed all that.

Please give those guys their money back.

Great story well thought out and and interesting plot. The only fault that i could find is that you never let the cheating wife find out just how rich her ex was. It seams that nothing hurts a cheating BITCH more, is finding out that the one she threw away is far better than she could have ever hooked in the first place and she would have been way better off being faithful, LOL... but then we wouldn't have much of a story then would we:). Again thanks for a great story and keep up the great work.....

Bob

enjoy it very much, The sickos will be mad at you because you ACTED LIKE A PERSON.

Meticulous, very well-planned out revenge. A good lawyer could probably have dug up Scott's secret stash of money, but Mary didn't have the money to afford one. It does feel like a deus ex machina though. A problemfixer, because without that money, Scott would never have been able to execute his plans. Almost too convenient.

At first, I wondered why Scott never used his secret stash for his family, but then I remembered that he made enough to make his family live a good life. It simply wasn't necessary.

"Mike" was nasty, but ingenious, as revenges go. What's good for the goose...

It was an interesting read.

Because in your stories on Literotica you always use... ah. You haven't published any stories, have you, mcmilwp?

Sure would of liked to see Scott and Carla hook up . That sure would of been another way to get back at Mary and Don . Oh well maybe next time ...

add all those to planning.....and patience,,,,,and human nature, TK U MLJ LV NV

with a bad track record......what it was...it is......TK U MLJ LV NV

Oh you mean grammar. Dickhead.

Well at long last this fabulous ramble is at an end. You were getting the dialogue down pretty good here in this last chapter. Your writing slicker by the line. I remember some of the great storytellers on the site starting out with more than a little stutter, tuning up as their fingers flowed over the keyboard. You done good sojoman. Keep writing, please. 5*

It was impossible to even read after all the meaningless words became too much to endure.

And I'm not talking about his retribution on Mary, because she had it coming. I'm talking about what Scott did to Dean. He deliberately placed his own son in an abusive situation and left him there to be abused for no other reason than to gain enough leverage to ensure that the boy never saw his mother again. There's nothing in here that suggested that Dean didn't love Mary, and while you say none of your characters are perfect, Scott comes off as a royal piece of crap, using his own kid like that to get payback. He deliberately made himself party to the abuse of his own child.

We already know that Mary is a loser, but Scott's even worse - a chessmaster who sacrifices his own child like a pawn to get his cheap victory. Sick.

I know that these loving wives stories tend to run this way - can't just stick with a quick and dirty revenge; people seem to believe that children deserve to be punished for the infidelity of one parent and deprived of that parent, to be used as nothing more than a trophy and tool for the inevitable "victory" of the poor abused and cheated upon spouse. The feelings of the children are hardly ever considered, except when it's to make them a parrot for the cheated on husband.

Children don't deserve to be subjected to that crap, they deserve the love and support of both parents even when those parents can't be together and it's disappointing to see so many authors falling back on this like it's right, reasonable or even justifiable. Okay, rant done. It affects the story, but the story was excellent until Scott did that to Dean, and rating it high stars anyway.

I know this is a story and the author can do what he wants, but in real life, Scott is the one in danger.

First the US taxes world-wide income. That includes income from his investments/trust abroad.

Second every 1040 has a question on whether (a) you have a foreign bank account/trust, or the beneficiary of such a trust. It is a simple yes/no question. If you answer yes then there are more forms to fill out. If Scott used a paid preparer, the preparer ASKED this question. I do volunteer tax returns for low income/elderly and I and every preparer in the room always ask this question.

If Scott answered this question with a yes, any competent or even an incompetent attorney would ask some follow-up questions. If he lied and answered no, the IRS financial penalties and criminal sanctions are horrendous. If he had a paid preparer the paid preparer knew he had the accounts, any ethical preparer would either properly disclose it on the form or refuse to do the return. (And yes there are unethical preparers. But once they get caught, the IRS examines almost every client in detail.)

And if he lied and had any wealth remaining after the IRS got done with him, Mary could easily reopen the divorce settlement on fraud.

Scalia

...5... It was a good and very interesting read. I knew while I was reading this last part that some of the "financial play" might not be what would happen in RL but this is fiction so I didn't think about it further. But I do regret the fact that Aldo and Mary never found out how Scott had played them. Thanks for giving me a good time.

The exhaustive works of sojoman!

Because the revenge actually took place over much time and 6 pages, it actually didn't seem to be easily identifiable as revenge, to the wife and her lover and others.

But, revenge is in the eye of the taker, I guess, as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, if revenge is giving her $429,000, custody of their son, a brand spanking new BMW (or whatever) and waiting for her to realize that her well is empty, and not full, then so be it. He really didn't affect too much hurt on her, did he? She was bound to screw her own life up anyhow, right? She didn't need him to help.

And, Don, he also was bound to screw things up. The best thing our hero did was help Carla recover from the disaster Don made of her life.

I don't know, you presented a worthy story, a literate point of view. Ultitmately, I am left a little unsatisfied because I'd have liked to see some blood and guts; some real pain, embarrassment, some crushed body parts. You gave us crushed egos, bloody emotions(al) basket cases.

In the end, I gave you 4**** for this last part. The first three parts I gave you 5 on all those, especially because you built the story up so well.

I felt let down and glad that the thing was over when I finally came to the end. There wasn't much sense of satisfaction for me as a reader.

Thank you for writing.

Regards,

-Pultoy

second Scalia is a fucking dumbass, I guess rich fuckers don't find a away around tax laws every fucking day. They don't put their money in the Camen Island or Sweden every day. The richest people in the US pay the least taxes. Smell the coffee shit for brains and talk about what you know fuckface.

First of all: great writing endeavor and without an editor! Amazing! Secondly: While Scalia has made some valid observations, I have to wonder the validity of them in relation to the given information. Scott is not portrayed as a US citizen. He wasn't born on US soil or born to US parent(s), he attended school in London, and his company is also based in London. His formed company for the trust is also not a US company and in fact it is pointed out to use a tax free haven. Foreign workers with resident status have to pay taxes. However, he actually worked for a foreign company that has a presence in the US and depending on how they structured the company and Scott's employment compensation with them as well as their claims on what their US presence actually generates for the company as a whole...loopholes galore! There is a reason that old Mitt has Switz and Cayman stashes, you know! So, while very complicated, I'll buy into him getting away with hiding funds.

it was a good read but a little boring , after discovering her cheating after 15 years he goes out to screw the bitch.it seem he broke a few u.s.a laws and her lawyer didnot do her homework. it just seemed a little to much to be believable..

Cant wait to read whats next.. and yes I got the StangStar reference and thought it was played well.

I was amused by the sentiment that the husband is always the last to know... I mean, of course.

Why is everything in the last place you look? Because only an idiot would keep looking for something after they had found it.

Why is the husband the last to know? Because once he knows, most of the time he takes steps to stop the relationship(s)... because when he does know the adultery become an unstable emotional/relationship state.

I will try out Ovid, thanks for the suggestion.

Green-something

One of the few 5* that I've ever given. A bit long but well written. To paraphrase Mozart in Amadeus there are the requesite number of words and I cannot imagine which I would remove. I do look forward to your next story.

Appreciate all the comments made to this and previous postings. I learned a lot from them. I am really more of a story teller than an author, so apologies for length and grammar. I will endeavor to have the next one edited.

I felt that some comments deserved a clarification. Hope it proves that I do read all your comments :)

@ Anonymous: Scott did not use his son for retribution nor did he put him knowingly in an abusive situation. I apologize if the story conveyed that impression. Scott knew that Aldo did not want children and hoped he may eventually ask Mary to give up custody. Aldo became abusive after the loss of his gallery and business opportunity. As soon as Scott knew of the abuse he confronted Mary. Scott loved his son and would have never exposed him to any form of abuse. He didn't do more to Fiona because he was worried it would affect her son.

@ Pultoy: Money was irrelevant in his retribution. Being in a shitty marriage with Aldo, losing custody of her son, and having no where to turn to for help was, in his opinion, an appropriate retribution. He also knew that Mary was not 'earning' any income, whatever money she had would erode, slowly but surely. Yes he left her a lot of money, but what would have given Mary greater pain, not having money from the start or having money and see it slowly erode.

@ Anonymous: His trust and trustee company were in the Channel Islands, not in London. Channel Islands = No Tax, London = Tax.

@ Mousse9: Thank God not ALL lawyers are THAT good. Husbands need sometimes all the help they can get :)

@ Kelcha: You would be surprised how right you are! In the 'real' story, after all is said and done, Scott always remembered that Mary is the mother of his son.

@ Scalia: You are absolutely correct. However, the story does not say that Scott didn't file Form TD F 90-22.1 with the U.S. Department of Treasury. This is not strictly speaking part of his Tax Return. This form is used to report any foreign financial accounts (this includes bank accounts, brokerage accounts, mutual funds, unit trusts, and other types of financial accounts) with which one may have a financial interest or have signature authority. This is merely a reporting requirement and will not result in any type of tax liability. Please note that Form 8938, Statement of Foreign Financial Assets, only took effect in 2011. The story doesn't say whether Scott lived in the US by then or not. But again, I am not a specialist and you certainly have more experience in that domain.

Having said that, I agree with another Anonymous statement, you would be amazed by the number of US citizens that have undeclared funds abroad. Remember in 2008 the story of Bradely Birkenfeld, the Swiss UBS bank employee who gave the IRS a list exposing several US citizens having a Swiss bank account. He was jailed for 40 months for 'conspiracy to defraud the United States' but later awarded $104 Million for identifying the defrauders. Go figure!

As I mentioned in one of the previous stories yes they are long but I now agree with another reader.... which info do you remove. Condensing storylines are good but it is like the movie sequel to 'Alien' - it was only when seeing the Director's Cut version of 'Aliens' did all the little missing bits suddenly fill in those gaps.

Anyway I liked the storyline, good reading in the end!

Count Monte Christo from the XXI Century.

There is a lot of potential for a good story here, but the editorial errors really spoiled a lot of that for me. I know there are a lot of readers in this category that will forgive anything so long as there's a good enough revenge, but I'd much rather have a well written, well edited story. The revenge in this one got a little to Count of Monte Cristo for my taste, too elaborate and too cold. Also, the huge fortune lying about that the wife had zero knowledge of was a bit too convenient (even if it really happened that way). I think a good editor (not just a proofreader, but one or more of those would help as well) would go a long way towards making this story a really good one, instead of one that was interesting, but almost painful to slog through.

Why is Longhorn__07 "Fool Me Once" 4th on the Hall of Fame. Same story line, as this story, but with a romantic epiloge. I think the Author should end the story with a more romantic end. I think to find a Second Chance woman (let us think constant girlfriend, mate but not wife.......) a good end for an imagined story and a good role model for Dean. However I do not bother a second marriage with sister/bother for Dean with a longer Epiloge. My critics only I would have liked a happier epiloge for Scott.

First I want to express my qualified appreciation for this whole saga. In terms of concocting a pretty realistic, through revenge without spilling bodily fluids - Sojoman has worked very hard and has done more then the average Literotica author homework in terms of infusing financial & legal technicalities. Thats admirable.

If he continues in this bent, Sojoman will have his cadre of dertractors & fans alike. He can be a recognized author in Literotica drawing a very healthy amount of comments which is the coin of this amateur realm.My critique(s) are intended to possibly help if he wants to step up to Rehnquist / Steele levels.

Scott's revenge was through and immaculate. In terms of this being congruent with a character who wife had effortlessly hung horns on him - this didn't jibe. Again: in terms of the revenge being well crafted and imaginative - thumbs up.

Perhaps Scott could have had help from a mentor / friend in fashioning all of this. All of this ...by himself ? I don't see it.

The character of Mary was given her own set of strengths & weaknesses as well. I found her inability to fathom why Scott was so hurt very realistic. Serial cheaters lack empathy in terms of knowing the pain of what the loss of integrity and trust in home and bedroom mean to a partner who has ' real values' . Well done.

On the other hand , she played Scott for fifteen years. Mary must had beauty,skill & charm to blind multiple smart men ( counting the first husband) to her games. . Once this marriage is over - she's adrift with no new prospects, tangible alimony or a semblance of a quality plan. Maybe it's me - but fifteen years is a long time to come up with a Plan B.

All of this story's characters were used as chess pieces to suit the author's agenda of the moment. The personal flourishes like humor were absent. The dialogues were often sparse and often wooden. Can you think of any good lines that defined Fiona or even Dean the son? For the most part Sojoman discloses the action with detachment & distance.

This story took on a chess game aura. It was complicated and involved. The ultimate end was satisfying. The good guy took a minimal financial hit & gained custody of his son. The trollop faces a dubious future with a palpable downside. I have no quarrel with this.

Next time out, however, I hope Sojoman makes the journey as pleasurable as the destination.

@ Author your explanation prevented writting a longer Assay about your story.

My opinion was the same the long 3 chapters was a good explanation to gather the enough strength for Scott to acomplish the Total Revenge to earn the child custody.

In my comparative literature thinking the first story which I want to mention, is FrancisMacomber's gem "The Six O'clock News Slot", in that story the wife was a shamless impertinent shrew in the confrontation and the true friend of the husband assisted the husband with the Total Revenge with child custody. Here the long investigated betrayal by a serial cheater was the good iniciative for the Total Revenge. I wrote earlier Mary was a serial cheater and not a slut. A slut would be happy with Aldo, but a serial cheater lose her extra sexual happines in the cheating beside a open cheating bastard as Aldo is in the story. The Author (Scott) counted exactly the best revenge for Mary a openly cheating bastard third husband with financial wreck and with lost child custody. Total revenge..............

BTW The modern science newer result, the scientific intrumental measurable Romantic love, which validates very well one of my favorit authors DGHEAR's excellent Romantic Love stories..........................

To the anon who thought that Scott deliberately left his son with Aldo, as a "chesspiece" for revenge, I think you missed the part where Scott knew Mary would practically automatically have custody of Dean, and even if he did take it to court, he'd lose the custody battle. Scott was the moneymaker, Mary the caretaker.

Scott did NOT leave Dean in abusive hands. he never had a CHOICE in Marry getting custody of Dean.

Long, meaty, full of interesting characters. Thanks for writing it.

Please have a proof reader go over your works. No need for a full fledged editor.

Besides need for a proofreader, is that the writing is too analytical,too wooden to br a good read.The revenge plot of scott's is intricate and detailed (with some holes,vut this is a fantasy anyhow) but the emotional side isn't there,it comes off as a robot writing trying to express what is programmed into it rather than feeling it.Scott acts more like he is getting revenge because he is supposed to rather than because he is hurt abd angry.It is one thing to write "scott was hurt and angry" at the betrayal,another to write "the hurt and anger ate at him;any reminder of what mary had done to him burned another section of his heart out and twisted his gut to the point he wanted to cry 'uncle' ,unfortunately there was no one who could heed that call to relieve his pain'. One states what he felt one describes it.

I encourage the author to write more this was a good start.I encourage you to read people like steele and rehnquist and some of the others,in how to express emotion and make the reader feel what the author does.

Likegoodwine has an excellent Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story, where the exhusband used his children to ruin the exwife's relationships " No Strings Attached",

I loved it, even with its shortcomings-if any- mentioned by others here. No wimp husband here, that's assured! I guess I'm siding more with the "Burn the Bitch" school of thought. Well done, sojoman!

Scott comes by to see Carla while she is at work and invites her for lunch where he tells her if she knows the name of her business partner. When she says she doesn't he tells her please don't be angry but you are looking at your business partner.I have considered you my close friend for a long time and when I saw what Don was doing to you I felt compelled to get you out from under him. In my defense I didn't force you to do anything but I was deceptive with you and for that I am deeply sorry. I only wanted you to have a better life doing something that you were very good at.

One last thing but very important to me, now that we are both single I would like to submit my name to your list of suitors, In my defense I have a good deal of money now, but it is my strong feelings for you that are most important.

A long pause and then Carla holds my hands and says yes, you are on the list and if over the next few weeks you will be number one on the list.

@ anon Carla is strong smoker and I think Scott does not like smokers...............

a good story up to the decision to divorce. From then on it was excessive in revenge and deception by the main character - too one sided and showed the main character in an unpleasant light. I ended up rooting for the ex-wife by the end.

I am not an editor or a professional writer by any means, so I overlook typos and some mistakes. If people are looking for perfectly polished stories then they should pick up a published book. This is an amatuer website so why not enjoy the good stories. SOJOMAM I loved this story. The amount of detail and the perspective from which Scott writes had me hooked from the first chapter. Keep doing what you are doing hun it's great!

@ Lecheman: @ Gravyrug: Thank you both. I wondered at times whether to cut some parts or leave them, or even add other parts. I felt some may dislike or be distracted by the details but on the other hand removing them may take away some of the story's background or 'meat' that some enjoy. Never an easy call when one is the writer, probably also not the right one :)

@ Duna: I love the 'Count Monte Christo from the XXI Century' :) Unfortunately real life doesn't always have a happy ending, not even in Hollywood nowadays!

@ LordSlamdawgg: Thank you. I will definitely endeavour to do better next time. Comparing me to Tom Clancy, even cut rate, is an immense honour :) He is by far the best author I ever read (I read all his books). I am already having a hard time coming close to all my favourite authors on this site, both in terms of quality and imagination. It will be another couple of lives before coming anywhere near Tom Clancy :)

@ njlauren: Will definitely remember about the emotional side next time :)

@ Anonymous re. 'natural epilog': I opted against that for two reasons. The first is that this is not what happened in the 'real' story. Scott never remarried and Carla is living with another woman. The second reason is that many stories posted here have the 'substitute wife' already lined up before or while the husband discovers the cheating. I wanted to create that expectation but not deliver it. Should have mentioned Duna's comment about smoking :)

someone once said, if you want to put a nail in a board you just hit it with a hammer. being sicilian we would just make them disappear one night and no lawyers, no money, no trouble, problem just goes away. but very interresting and i gave you a 5.

1. There is some limit of the total revenge in that case of common children are. I think older children will guess why the exfather got the children custody. Against the negative opinion to their Mother the most already adult children will feel some responsibiliy for their Mother, so a deep poverty for the exwife is not an good aim in general. However to get the children custody it may use this revenge weapon, as in FrancisMacomber's gem story "The Six O'clock News Slot".

2. Hawkeye0007's story "A Man's Job" the husband burnt himself with the first wife and he hide his fortune in a tax paradise, so the second wife did not know anything about it. I think it may be a special service for Assurance Companies to give a new offer as restart assurance for spouses.......but this was only humor.....

3. The cheating women have 3 categories: I. the relative fidelity women, who do 1-2 short time cheating in their all life or were cheaters in the first marriage only.

II. The sluts who cheats with almost anybody male people.

III. The serial cheater women who are picky with their affairs and to try avoid STDs and dangerous situation.

Mary was serial cheater and that was couse why the revenge worked well with Aldo.

A serial cheater can fell the extra sexual happines beside a relative or true fidelity husband, but beside a open cheating bastard husband she will feel nothing extra happines, because she loses her save home life background.

Once more this was (Aldo) super revenge, which would not have worked at sluts, because a slut lived in happiness beside Aldo..................but Aldo would kick her in the curb......

but ended so abysmally. i could care less about retirement planning and financial gymnastics in the bahamas.

@ user110 Nowdays if you kill the loverboy and the cheating wife you will get 20 years prison with 98% likelyhood, so to learn how to hide more fortune from the cheating wife in the divorce proceedings etc ............................or to get the chidren custody from the cheating wife (beside the court system) are better things.

Yes not only the Cruel Revenge is revenge............................

Sojoman,

I enjoyed the build up. But i thought the last offering was too long and too trite. I would prefer a story where we get at least a little of the wife's perspective. I appreciated that the hero managed a total victory. But how realistic is that? He hid his money; he received custody of his son; he found 'retribution' from his cheating wife. But what we didn't get was the sense that the wife was a real character. And, really, a woman with her complete and total self-centeredness probably wouldn't hook up with the loser that Don was. And I never got the sense of how Don seduced her. Of course, that may be because I don't understand the wife or Don. What makes a Don someone you'd actually let fuck you or what attracted her to him. It would have been nice to see, from their perspective, how this happened and the pain they felt. Because I didn't get that perspective, i felt bored with the logistics of the hero's retribution.

"When one purchases a car, we get some sort of road-worthiness certificate from the seller that assures us that the car has no major defects. I wondered if one should also seek some sort of marriage-worthiness document before committing to another person. Maybe a business opportunity there!"

To do what? Sell women?

The only characters that had any redeeming qualities were Dean and Carla. I felt more sympathy for Mary than I did for Scott. Granted she couldn't open her mouth without lying but that I suspect was how she learned to get by while growing up. Her extramarital affairs were her way of feeling any self worth, at all. Look at the people she hung out with. This is a woman that clearly has major self-esteem issues. That's why she showed no remorse about the lying and cheating. By the way, Mary's parent's may be good people but they are responsible for the way Mary turned out. The foundation determines the direction the life will take and how high it will go. Where as Scott's behavior was all calculated and deliberate. Except for not disclosing his wealth to his wife of 15 years. Obviously, he had trust issues before he even found out about Mary's indiscretions. Basically, he took four struggling pathetic people with lives that were going nowhere and destroyed them. Including one innocent person as collateral damage (Fiona's son). Put that plot together with all the intelligent but boring details and you have a story that just lays there. You have great writing skills, good character development and you're obviously a very knowledgeable person but this one just never got off the ground. Even Scott's revelation of Mary's cheating was anti-climatic. Ninety percent of the story was in Scott's head.

@ Anon What a super without violance revenge if you feel more sympathy to the cheating wife than to the exhusband!!!!!!!. Yes the mutuality IS NOT MORAL, BUT SAME THREATMENT AS THE CHEATING SPOUSE THREATS THE OTHER INOCENT SPOUSE!!!!!! BTW Ha, Ha, Ha!!!!!

I realize that this sort of mental exercise is not everybody's cup of tea. Howsoever, I enjoyed the leisurely, intellectual buildup the author used to construct this story. And the "Sloane Ranger" Britishisms were amusing. To the outraged among the readers, don't go getting your dainty knickers in a twist, mate!

It would be interesting to have an epilogue laying out the generational effects and affects of the sordid events and activities that destroyed several families. How the children turned out in adolescence and as young adults from the betrayals they endured from their parents and other involved adults.

especially when they are the richest. smartest. most clever and have patience, TK U MLJ LV NV

The retribution was meticulously planned, took a decent amount of time and took all of the culprits down. Well done. The only problem is that he would never get away with it. Still a good read.

@ Betrayedbylove In my bentchmark this story is the best 17th revenge story, but if the Author had written a succesful second chance woman in the story this story would have been the 7th best...........

My bentchmark here:

The 20 best revenge stories on LIT are the nexts according to me:

1. Vulcez �How Are You?� which is a Romantic Revenge Story Hurricane, Typhoon, Gale, Cyclone, Tornado, Earthquake, Tsunami, Avelanch, which was steered by a 17 years old smart daughter to her cheating Mom!

2. FrancisMacomber �The Six O'clock News Slot� which is a Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story with a TRUE friend who assisted his friend in the revenge and if you are the total winner usefull to be generouse to the loser!

3. Longhorn_07 �Fool Me Once� which is also a Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story with 2 allies a man and a woman who got married after the revenge. BTW do not wait fair human relation managemant if you cheat!

4. Itmgr2010 �Black & Tan Blues Ch. 04� which is a Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story with assisting friends in the revenge. Do not wait fair human relation managemant if you cheat and if you are the total winner usefull to be generouse to the loser!

5. BeerMaker �Dawn: A Cheating Slut Wife� wich is a Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story where the betrayed husband�s assistents are his NO DNA TEST PROOF CHILDREN!

6. FrancisMacomber �The Honey Trap� wich is a Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story where the assistant is an escort girl with heart!

7. OldHideki � How Does it Feel to be a Cuckold?� which is a Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story, where everything will be up side down!

8. StangStar06 �Back on the Block Ch. 01� which is a Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story with very humorouse twist at the end!

9. Papatoad �Telephone Blitz� which is succesful humorouse Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story, where the husband prevented the physical cheating and later the reconcilation is possible!

10. BigK10 �...And Stay There!� which is a Cruel Revenge Story where a friend assists other friend to avoid a marriage with a slut!

11. Harddaysknight �Not Guilty� which is the first at the most revenge story fans but according to me it is not among the first 10 best. Why, because there are dead people in the story!

12. Seurat �Homecoming Call� A Romantic Revenge Story on 1 page!

13. StangStar06 �Love is for Suckers� which is a Romantic revenge Story with LUCKY suckers! SS06 did not write them ANR so only 13th!

14. Cpete �Family Guy� which is a Romantic Revenge Story, where the exwife is burnt everyday!

15. Mitchfren �Bailing Out� which is a Modern Figaro Type and Cruel Revenge Mix Story and a British wrote!

16. Tony_Ford �Scales Of Justice� which is a Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story using the USA Constitution!

17. Sojoman �Revelation Blues Pt. 04� which is a Modern Figaro Type Revenge story and the serial cheater exwife got a serial cheater Second Chance Husband. The Author did not write Second Chance woman to the exhusband so instead of 7th the story is only 17th!

18. Likegoodwine �No Strings Attached� which is a Modern Figaro Type and Romantic Revenge Mix Story. It may be 100% true according to this North Caroline guy from the You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIvJms3wlaY

19. Cpete �Blood from a Turnip� whose is a bacground story from lucksmith �Let the Punishment Fit the Crime� but Cpete�s story is more revenge story than lucksmith�s story is.

20. Azpiri �Shattered Ch. 03� which is Modern Figaro Type Revenge Story with a fantastic Romantic Revenge situation at the end. Why is it among the best 20, because I like when David wins on Goliats! His weapon is IT!

Unfortunately many good Authors and their stories must omit from my 20 best and this list would be other if SOL (storiesonline.net)�s stories would be in the match! For example DG Hear, JPB, Robur, Slirpuff, Cantbuymy, Huedogg2, A.A. Nemo and others!

WAY too many words. If you had edited it down to two chapters it would have been a very good story. But I got bogged down in all the detail that seemed to go on and on and on - well you get the idea. And for a smart guy, I wonder why he didn't hire a PI and put a voice recorder on the home phone? Maybe a GPS locator in her car?

Seems like he took and long, drawn out way to solve his problem - a cheating wife.

getting through this story, and obviously, I just had to keep reading. We knew the revenge was coming, but what? And I have to say, very well executed as a gentleman's revenge. I DID enjoy the depth of your character in Scott. Other's may critisize the abundance of details NOT relating to the cheating, but I really imbibed it, understanding the depth and lengths you took to craft this character. I liked how even minor characters were graced with a personality that fit the story, and I really appreciate the hard work you put in to this tale. Thankyou! Some might say this story was too long, and that you could have cut out alot. Yes, they are right in one sense, but to me, I understood that this,(unlike so many other examples on this site) was truly a case where the story came alive, and took off on its own for you. Maybe it was just a sense from the ending author comments, but I read, what I had all ready understood- that this was a labor of love, and I thought "Congatulations! Well Done! You obviously achieved your goals!" And it was a pleasure to read and share in that success, over and above any issues with plot line, or literary device. Thanks again!

For sharing.

Loved all chaps in this as I said brilliant loved that he got his revenge quietly and stealthly she didn't c it coming lol

Yes you needed and editor but you addressed that yourself so no harm, no foul -

The worst part of the story is how real it could be - a Mary is entirely possible - one who knows what she does is not right but fails to understand - in any meaningful way - just how wrong it is or how she is responsible for the results. There are male and females Mary's the world over i suspect.

And mores the pity that men and women fall prey to their abuse and lies and corruption - worse still is how many good people lose so much because of the way law treats such things - so off handed and trivially.

Nicely conceived and executed - thanks -

This was surely a very long story but I read every word and didn't skip anything. I normally get aggravated with very long stories but I must say that this one held my interest throughout the several hours it took to read it.

An excellent piece of work and I hope you see your way clear to doing another story for us.

William Lines

Would have made this a 5 star story.

The story was interesting, but was not really a 'short story'. Also the financial dealings took on a life of their own, crowding out characterization and emotional development. Scott did a fancy, complex dance to accomplish his goals, but ended up with no female partner with whom to share his life and family. Three stars for me. Dan

As written, it didn't explore anything new or present any scenarios that haven't already been described in many stories. The story telegraphed the ending (the fact that Scott was going to quit his job, and that he was helping Carla, were not hard to foresee). Given the disparity between Scott's and Mary's capabilities and resources, there is nothing remarkable about Scott did.

This story actually reminds me a lot of Fool Me Once, by Longhorn_07. That is one of the top rated stories in the LW category, but there also I felt that Ryan's retribution was over the top, and I have had a discussion with Longhorn_07 about this.

The sad thing about Revelation Blues is that the author appears to have the potential to do so much better. Juxtapose the these 2 quotes: 'Then, if the lady is goodhearted and void of malice, it is up to you in your turn to accept unpleasant facts and make allowance for human imperfection.' and "One thing I tried portraying in this story is how an unsuspecting husband discovers the depth of the betrayal." Instead of a scorched earth, BTB story which is what Revelation Blues is, a story where Scott tempers his response due the realization that while Mary's betrayal from his perspective was absolute, from Mary's perspective there was no betrayal because her actions were nothing different from a session at a spa or massage parlour, would have made a much more original and interesting read. IMHO (and apologies for the incredibly long run-on sentence there).

Thanks for writing. And I do hope you'll consdider my suggestion for an alternative version of the story.

It may be for some readers a good eleborate revenge (without violance) is not enough good, but I think this sort of story much more interesting to the boring without time perspective cuckold stories endles stream. Author do not listen to such negative comments. To get the children custody from the ex wife and to build a marriage to a serial cheater second husband for the ex wife is a Dumas "Count Monte Christo" achivement. Look at Longhorn_07's story which is the first here for a long time, so such negative comment's value is=0. In my comments I write about the lack of the longer panorama epilog at revege stories several times.

I just stumbled across this old story. I want to add my 2 cents. I agree that the story was a little too longbut not too much so, I thought it was fairly unrealistic also. that being said, I did enjoy the tale and wish you would consider writing more in the future, thanks.

on US soil yes, other countries not without it being stated in the SOFA agreement. There's a guy here that is worth about 7 mil, the IRS can't do shit because he moved his money from a US bank to Bank 16 in Japan. They have a warrant out for his arrest in the US, and even with the SOFA, Japan refuses to return him to the US. He has a Japanese wife and 3 kids. The Japanese doesn't recognize his marriage to the American wife and the US doesn't recognize the divorce he got in Japan. A tug of war that no one will win.

how little do we remember all the circumstances, TK U MLJ LV NV

But, after adapting to the author's writing style, I did enjoy the story. It would be nice to read about Scott finding his new life partner, but that would take another 23 pages. (HA!)

A waste of time, A wimp tale of a moron, this Scott is Something else.

Carla may have gone through a bankruptcy but how would an unemployed Don qualified for the financing of a new business? He had no real proof of adultery so wouldn't be able to use it in court. It's pretty hard to prove how much of child support is spent on the child considering shelter, food, etc

People who have declared bankruptcy often have an easier time getting credit than those who have not, because now they have no debts. It all depends on the lenders.

Some people criticize the length of the tale and call Scott a wimp, but outside the universe of Literotica fiction, divorces that are not mutually amiable often drag out endlessly. And with the legal system slanted toward penalizing a non-cheating spouse for having the integrity to not stay and tolerate infidelity, anyone who chooses to put any sort of scheme into play to not let the cheater get away with half the marital assets had better plan a long, subtle one that doesn't involve going postal or else face the prospect of losing everything.

The one thing that irritates me about this and so many other similar LW tales is that the wronged spouse who comes out on top so often does it by using hidden wealth or former elite military service. It would be really nice to once in a while see a tale in which a plain, ordinary working person is faced with betrayal and manages to come out the winner.

Another reason that credit is easier to get after bankruptcy is that for seven years after a bankruptcy you cannot file for bankruptcy again and must pay all your debts.

The Scott in Part 4 does not resemble the methodical, slow to act, man who could not make a decision we saw earlier.

Though not as dramatic, all of the others were presented differently as well.

Very well written story of a relationship torn apart by betrayal. Excellent retribution by the betrayed and great conclusion!

Thank you for the great read!

Please keep writing!

Sometimes you don't have to actually kill the cheating slut of a bitch to burn her to the ground. Same goes for her lover or lovers.

A fitting ending. Five stars.

we can never get what we want without luck. TK U MLJ LV NV

Or a medal?

After all I plowed through the whole thing.

The denouement was well handled, but it could have been a few pages earlier.

You did pretty good convincing us that the story was happening in Florida except when you mentioned take away and petrol in one sentence. Take out and gas. Otherwise, good job. Very detailed.

Sharpen your quill,fill your inkpot,start writing your new story.

Ovid ? Latin Declensions & such - no thank you,remind me of miserable school lessons - thankfully now in my past !!

( Same for Virgil ) :-))

I just re-read this and noticed how many errors of the language were present. One comment alluded to British terms, but many of the errors cannot be attributed to any differences between British English and U.S. English.

Good story but longer than necessary.

Exposition much.

.. and too tedious.

The story dragged till you got to place where he finally decided to act in the last section!

wow, can you talk!!!!!!! great story and a really good story line and plot (although I found it to be somewhat anti-climatic). You made it a lot more complicated then it had to be but then I suppose that gave you a lot more reason to "talk"..... (you must be awfully lonely) I would have given you a 5 except this was so dragged out I docked you a point for wasting my time. Good story and good writing. Looking forward to your next one, please make it a lot shorter and to the point.

RFM

Well done. More in depth than most, yet not all, lit stories. Occasionally it seemed too much but I read each and every word in order not to miss out on a point. The only disappointment I felt was in the fortuitous savings and investment that just happened to be hidden and unused until the divorce. Almost a "one time navy seal" moment when an impossible moment is overcome by an previously unknown skill set. Que sera. I am sorry you didn't post more here.

... not sure it was worth the time.

Sojoman

Forget the odd negative comments...I thought that you handled characters and plot particularly well. It is always nice to read a tale where the "good guy" comes out on top without him having to kill or maim someone (even though they probably deserved it). Thank you for your efforts.

The emotions of the characters involved, especially the main two, could have been expressed much more. Yes, the protaganist is supposed to be intellectually driven and calculated, but you really don't see how discovering serial cheating and serial lying by his wife for 15 years truly impacted him. Mary comes across as completely cold and someone void of any depth of feeling and true love and compassion, yet Scott says for 15 years they had true love and she was a great companion. Yes, love can be blind and you skip over the occasional cheating, but how do you perceive your wife is loving and a good companion that cares about you and your child for 15 and 10 years respectively, but that was totally an act?

The story was interesting and probably could have been written out more concisely and presicely, but my main issue is the characters didn't truly come to life in the story.

The plot line was well thought out and ended up being a page turner. This story proves that not all Literotica readers require tons of raw sex in order to keep their attention. There were sex scenes but not too graphic. I thought you did an excellent job. A little proof reading may have caught a few minor errors and places where the wrong word was used but these small slips didn’t distract from the story. Nice job! Keep writing.

Well done

The most positive aspect of the story is its lack of glaring contradictions in the storyline. The story is tight and holds together well throughout its 19 pages a rare event in the LW genre.

It is mostly narrative. A detailed explanation of the discovery process that a husband goes through to expose his habitually cheating wife of 15 years. But even after 19 pages, I don't feel I know the characters very well. What I do "know" about them is only through the eyes of the betrayed husband.

The dialog is minimal in comparison to the length of the story. The personalities of the major players are defined by the husband so they are one dimensional i.e. Don is a lazy asshole, Fiona a scheming, amoral slut, Aldo an egotistical, womanizing, has-been artist, etc.

The personality of Mary is the archetype cheating wife. She blatantly cheats for 15 years with multiple lovers yet her husband Scott didn't have a clue. He was a happy man believing he had an ideal marriage! We eventually understand that Mary is above all else a highly accomplished actress. She can play the part of a loving wife and mother who in the eyes of her husband she is perfect. Yet behind his back she is a slut whose only goal seems to be doing nothing of value while bedding wanna-be artists and pretending to be pursuing her creative spirit. In truth the only person Mary loves above all others is herself. Pretending to be loving wife and mother is just a means to capture a rich sponsor-husband to support her utterly self absorbed life style.

The revenge plan on the major perpetrators is well thought out and doesn't include Navy Seals, IT geeks, or a Mafia connection. Of course a husband with several million dollars in secret offshore accounts does hurt when implementing the plan.

The coup de grace of the revenge plot has Scott eventually divorcing Mary, forcing her to give up custody of their son, having her to go to work for the first time in her life and become mired in a disastrous marriage to an impoverished Aldo who himself is a blatant, habitual cheater. Oh, and BTW she is also essentially disowned my her family so she can't go back to California and sponge off of them. Pretty comprehensive, I'd say.

All in all it just ended up to be too long and too detailed to hold my interest. I skimmed major portions of Ch 3 without effecting my understanding of the conclusions presented in Ch 4.

The extensive Epilog does not provide any insight as to the ultimate consequences to the antagonists at some future time. Nor does it expound on whether Scott found contentment or whether his son Dean, deprived of his mother except during visitation, was happy and well adjusted.

Really enjoyed this long.story. Scott played the long game and burned Don, Aldo, Fiona, and especially Mary. You held it together very well and ended on a high note.

The worst. 1*.

75% of the words could be reduced with little impact.

Don't you just love serial cheaters? Not!

He can now sing that old song: I Can See Clearly Now, the bitch is gone

enjoyed the story not bothered about no sex the story built well just goes to show how greed can grip some people the grass is always greener on the other side never happy with what they have got

While a good story it could literally have been done in less than 10 pages. It really did drag like a bad divorce.

I commented on the first chapter that it was a bit long and came across as mundane. However, the subsequent chapters did improve. Although I felt that the detail of Scott's investigation was longer than necessary.

What did come across to me as I read the story was that there seemed little if not emotion in the story. Scott and Mary claimed that they loved each other but that really didn't come across to me in the story.

Mary's character draws her as totally amoral and lacking any empathy. She is completely self indulgent bordering on narcissistic or possibly sociopathic but the way her character is described doesn't quite fit either of those.

Which makes me wonder how someone could marry her in the first place. Her character flaws would show themselves pretty quickly during the courtship phase of a relationship. Scott's character also seems to lack real emotion and he seems to accept Mary's cheating without having the emotional turmoil that would be expected from someone especially after 15 years of marriage.

It's a well written story but a bit long because of the detail given in the story.

Following the authors comments about female infidelity. I looked up the divorce stats for the US and UK and both are about the same in that there are 8 divorces in every 1,000 marriages. Stats on infidelity could only be very, very approximate as they would probably rely on surveys by magazines etc. and therefore need to be treated with caution.

I cannot believe it, I read this train wreck from start? to finish? and jsut cannot understand what color his socks were, during his activity. Damn who cares what the beer he drank was, what the wine was? The devil 'may be in the details', but enough is enough. Without all the side work it was a 2 chapter story. Could have been so much better, alas it could have been.