by MidnightChoices
Loved how well it flowed. It was mysterious but not the sappy paranormal romance crud I'm used to.
I like the balance between threat and promise, horror and romance. I really look forward to seeing what happens next.
The writing is mechanically solid, and I liked the story, mixing promise and threat with payoff. I liked the sinister edge that it maintained and the darkness of it. It also leaves a promise making me want more, to see how she resists falling under his spell mind and soul. And it's sexy, so definitely worth reading.
It could have used more buildup, however. The main character essentially falls under his spell before her friend even leaves the bar, which means her later attempts to resist are dulled. It would have been better if there were more struggle or conflict during the initial stages (when it could have even made a difference). It also lacked a bit of characterization-the story of two girlfriends meeting a dark, mysterious stranger is so common that it needs more fleshing out of the character. It's always sexier when we can learn and care more about THIS particular character. While we do get to learn some of her sexual history, we don't know details of her education, her job, or really her personality (aside from the fact that she's sexually adventurous).
Don't take the critique too hard, I tend to not offer suggestions unless I enjoy the story. As it is, excellent work.