by angelofdest
Two criticisms, though: I know nothing about how formatting works, but is there a better way to differentiate between flashbacks, and current events? Also, for just a paragraph you switched from 3rd person to 1st person POV, which is very distracting.
That being said, I like where you've started and is an intriguing beginning.
I love werewolf stories, and this is panning out to be a really good one. Please hurry with chapter 2. :)
Good chapter but a bit confused. The changing of scenes between the past and present is off. I had to go back and reread to try and figure out what was going on.
Did Ashlynn find the ex cheating in the bedroom or the kitchen? Or is there a kitchen table in the bedroom? Ashlynn was going to their bedroom to find Ryan but she caught him with the red head on the table.
Nice beginning overall. I was confused for a bit with the past/present changes. Also when she and hot and hairy were in the alley. The men went past into the club but they didn't? Cheating bf caught in kitchen/bedroom? Naomi stops with sex with bf long enough to text her?
Definitely some issues that need fixed. If you don't have an editor or proofreader, you need to find one. All of these could have been caught beforehand. You have a good story started, fix these problems and you'll have a great story started.
This was a good start. The change from present to past tense also confused me a little bit. I would just clarify when she is reminiscing. I'm excited for chapter 2.
This story was confusing. I was confused with the transitions between the past and present. Right before Naomi had sex with her bf she texted Ashlynn. And where did she catch them on the kitchen table or the bedroom? Try to read over your work b4 you sumit or get an editor. I like your concept but I had give you 3 stars because of the confusion.
I was very confused. Not only was this very fast paced it is quite jumbled. I'm not actually sure what I just read.
I LOVED IT!!!But you really need to add some more chapters! I can't wait to see how she survived and what will happen when Blaise finds her. I especially loved the description of her artwork! It inspired me to start my own painting with a similar theme. Well done!
Slow down, add more details to the meat of the story, and make it a chapter longer at least and you'll have a winner :)
The length of the first installment makes me feel like a teen that's been teased to distraction on his first date. I hope there are more and that they are longer.
Dont rush the story itself but please give us more chapters. You have left me wanting more.
Please slow down. What you've written here could easily span two or three chapters, if you flesh it out more. Give us more information. Also, please find an editor so you can have a different set of eyes look it over and catch the small mistakes, such as the changes in point of view from third person to first person and back to third again.
I really enjoyed it and it's very interesting and it's just started! I'm kind of pissed off there aren't more chapters though, I'm not trying to pressure you to write faster but if it could come out anytime soon that'd be a gift sent from God or whoever the gift is sent from. Thanks
Please keep this story going? I love it and really want to see where it leads. *smiles*
This is a very good start to your story. It is well written and leaves the reader wanting more. It was very short and you really should try to make each chapter/installment longer. Looking forward to seeing more from you.