by FuckingWithTheBestOfThem
Really sweet and sexy story. Loved the secretive nature about it.
... this could - would - have been a 5 if you had used that old invention the paragraph less sparingly. One paragraph on the second page went 745 words; another 660 - they were almost unreadable.
Another gripe - no condom. Unless you made a reference to her being on the pill earlier and it was buried in one of those interminable paragraphs you've got a sexually active, confident, intelligent girl who goes to a lot of trouble to get fucked - and no protection! Putting on the condom is a good conclusion to the foreplay in real life - too bad the author and the fictional character didn't employ it
I kinda sorta bailed once they started resembling a biological abstract.
Overall, the writing was serviceable. Some errors, some odd word choices; but geeze louise, restructure this sumbitch, wouldja?
Sweet story, well done, but you fell into the trap of doing too much in a first time story. How many young people exerience oral and vaginal and multiple orgasms for both parties all during the first experience? Fantasy is good, but don't go overboard.
this is a great story! forget those dumb comments... just make some more paragraphs by splitting your ideas up... but your story writing is great, keep it up!!
It may have been a little too unrealistic,but who cares! It is just a story...not real life.Please continue the story, it seems that Reagan has plans for Sam to be further educated during the rest of the summer.Thanks
Posting your first story is harrowing, but if this is how good your first is, keep it going.
You definitely need to break the paragraphs up a bit in future, even if it doesn't feel natural to you, find the most likely spots and break it there.
The gripes about condoms and too many things on a first time don't wash with me. You made it clear she was experienced and wanted to show him all this stuff, plus it's a fantasy to have a first time that good. Perhaps critics just want to read about fumbling, unsatisfactory first times? I sure don't.
Keep writing.
That was a terrific first time story. How about more ??
The little details will come with practice I am sure, but your description of her feelings was so good it turned me on and that is the best part. Do write more please.
Surprised by all the gripes!
Hot and loved the intelligent dialogue-two sapiosexuals...cool
Terrific for a first time, and his 1st time.
Stumbled across this-hoping you've lots more stories submitted!