All Comments on 'Serendipity Ch. 01'

Darius? Caught a number of mistakes, but you can write. I just didn't care for the story. Sorry.

I really loved this story and cannot wait for you to continue it. WOW is all I can say, it is a great read.

I try not to comment on stories unless I have something constructive to say. Obviously, the first Anonymous writer doesn't adhere to that rule. Personal taste is one thing. However, sharing that taste with a new writer without any direction is quite unhelpful. Please keep writing. You are talented, and you have made me care about these people and their relationship. Moreover, you have drawn me into their world. If this is the likely outcome, remind me to spill coffee on the next unsuspecting cute guy I come across. Well done, and I cannot wait for the next chapter.

Keep it up.

i would like to see stories along these lines but where the woman is married, and takes a black lover. Some should be with the consent of the husband, some would be great if the husband witnesses her seduction but she doesn't know he's watching.

I really liked this story (and couldn't disagree more with the comment about changing it to interracial adultery) but am having trouble seeing that a series will be even as good as the story ending just a very little bit further along.

when it was first posted. It was a wonderful read. You bother to create real, rounded, interesting people who a reader can care about. Oh, and the sex was fabulous. Do Southerners just naturally write well? This reader will watch carefully for your next post!!!!

It's a beautiful story. Very descriptive and equally captivating. Please write more when you can. You have a knack for it.

It saddens me to only now discover the story, because it popped up when I happened to be browsing and it's very good. The really odd thing is how well it scored, yet this is obviously your only story. I wish you had perhaps left to comment as to why you abandoned writing, although sometimes it only takes one fool leaving an unthoughtful comment to upend a new writer.

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For whatever it is worth, even if you don't read it, I'd like to have the satisfaction of leaving you a positive comment and feedback on your effort. The major thing that surprised me was that both Haley and Darren where exact character matches for each other: I mean it's almost like you researched their names and characteristics to get such a perfect match. Now once I say that, there was one inconsistency, which was on Darren's side and he was a little too blasé about one comment he made to Haley (it was too informal relative to his generally serious and more thoughtful nature). Some could also question how quickly Darren got into Haley's good graces, although I can't necessarily fault them getting it on in such a short time. You definitely presented enough evidence for them to like each other, and although some could think it is a bit rushed... I don't think it's something to ding the story for. You certainly excelled at describing their union, and made it plain that Haley really had it bad for Darren, and that Darren felt similarly for Haley. Now there is the question on whether or not you meant for him to be Darius or Darren...but that small mistake aside, it really wasn't a major thing because it can be corrected fairly easily and I've read several authors make the same mistake and not manage to catch it.

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I really liked the meeting effectively over a coffee accident, and how plausibly you drew them together. Since this is your one and only output, I would have been more forgiving anyway, and definitely say this rated a 5. You're probably never coming back, but I hope there's some slim chance you do if only to read this review and to be encouraged.