All Comments on 'Shoe Lady'

1) Proof Reading - this is to try to weed out the stupidities that can creep in.

For instance, fifth sentence - "I pretty blonde was near the back of the store looking ..." "I pretty blonde"? Shouldn't that be 'A'?

2) Punctuation - "Speech Marks"? You include a lot of what I presume is "speech" but do absolutely nothing to differentiate between what your characters are supposed to be saying and what is 'descriptive'!

Spattjack, When a person speaks, what is said should be put in 'quotes"

that way the reader knows who said what and you have some dialogue

and the story will have more life to it.

"Get closer to me and rub that against my panties!" she asked hoarsely.

What if you said,

"Oh Harold, get closer and rub that monster cock all over my panties.She ordered

me between heavy breathing and her words were full of lust.

"Oh Fuck!" I groaned into her ear as I held and hugged her during my climax..

Loved the slip and upskirt

Despite the comments above, I liked it. God knows, there are enougb stories out there with horrible grammar, spelling, and punctuation; there's no need to pick on yours.

Your story has a nice flow to it. I liked that you didn't try to stretch one page of material into four pages of repetitive dribble. (It's not like you're being paid by the word!) It's short and sweet and to the point.