Shut Up And Drive!

However as soon as Estelle had got out of the car, a slanging match had begun between the pair of them.

As is common in those situations, working out or recalling exactly who yelled what at whom and in what order, is quite difficult.

Roger Cooper had opened the engagement with, "Where have you effing-well been and who's that arsehole?" Followed almost instantly by Estelle retaliating with, "Why should you care; you've been out with your latest tart all night!"

Ted didn't follow the argument after that; he was far too busy studying Roger Cooper's body language. Ted was well aware that it would take him far longer to exit the vehicle and place himself between Estelle and Roger Cooper, than it would for Roger to reach her. So Ted was trying to gauge the right instant to make his presence felt.

And yet for some inexplicable reason he didn't wish to provoke Roger Cooper. After-all, Estelle was the man's wife! But Ted didn't think that he'd done anything that he should feel ashamed about. His actions during the previous twenty-four hours could not be described by anyone, other than being chivalrous and showing utter respect for Roger and Estelle's marital status.

Although Ted did admit to himself, that he had been sorely tempted.

After the confrontation had gone on for some minutes. And drawn an appreciative audience of curious neighbours away from dozing in front of their television sets; Ted recognised that Roger Cooper was about to make a move of some kind.

But Cooper didn't move towards Estelle; instead, Roger set-off, taking a shortcut across the lawn towards Ted's car.

Ted had rolled out of his seat and rounded the rear of his vehicle, before Roger Cooper had covered half the distance. On recognising that it was Ted Harper standing before him, Roger Cooper suddenly appear to change him mind; he'd decided that the better part of valour is discretion, and that had stopped him dead in his tracks.

"What's your game Harper; who gave you the right to screw my wife?" Roger Cooper said raising his golf club in the hope that it might deter Ted from doing what Ted Harper had been... infamous for as a teenager, and to give himself a little added confidence.

"Hey, dumb-nuts!" Ted shouted back. "Why is it that the arseholes of this world, always assume that everyone else must think and behave as they do? I haven't touched your lady; I just ain't made that way. Unlike you, I respect the institution of marriage!"

"What are you talking about, I didn't spend the night with another man's wife?" Cooper challenged.

"No! You spent the night making whoopee with the village bike, Cooper! Christ, I've seen you the two you together in the pub enough times. I never recognised you, or put two and two together though. You do know that that tart's the biggest slag in town, don't you?

"Jesus, she was famous for letting any numpty shag her on the top deck of the bus home from college. She's been married three times you know? I think all of her husbands ditched her when they found their wife in bed with another man, or discovered that they'd caught something nasty. Perhaps you'd better get yourself checked out, Roger me-lad!

"Hey Stella, did you catch that? If you and your ever loving husband here, have had... relations of late? I'd get yourself checked out, as well!"

"Yeah, but I don't think that will be necessary Ted. Roger there hasn't felt up to it... with me anyway, for some time now!"

"Better safe, than sorry girl! But Roger, it's not something that I even need to worry about. I'm assuming here, that your little brain is capable of understanding what I just said to you? Never-mind, your neighbours understand, I can see that; Estelle's reputation is what matters to me!"

As Ted had been speaking, Roger Cooper had been back-pedalling for all he was worth. He was still trying to subtly back away from Ted - who had not moved from the rear of his car - when Cooper tripped-over backwards, up the front step of the house. Roger Cooper's new predicament was greeted by poorly muffled laughter from several of the on-looking neighbours.

"Estelle, get into the house, we'll continue this discussion in private!" Roger ordered as he struggled back to his feet.

"I don't think so Roger; I've had my fill of you and your incessant philandering. If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times; once more and that's it, we're through! Well, last night was the last time you'll cheat on our marriage Roger Cooper. It's over Roger; I'm out of here! Come on Ted, let's go?"

Estelle had begun to stride towards Ted's car as she spoke. But then she stopped and added, "No, hold up a minute, Ted!"

Estelle spun on her heel and looked back at her soon to be ex-husband. The slanging match was not quite over.

"Roger that's my damned house, you will get yourself and all of your crap out of it by lunchtime tomorrow. And don't try to get clever and strip the place, or the joint bank accounts, Roger. With all the playing-away you've been doing over the years, I've got enough on you to take you to the cleaners in the divorce court!"

"Hey, I'm not surprised that you never managed to shag her, Harper; the bitch is bleeding frigid!" Roger Cooper yelled out. Ted thought more for the neighbours consumption, than his own. "You hear that? That's how-come we've never had any kids, and the reason why I had to look elsewhere for some satisfaction!"

Then Roger Cooper slammed the door, effectively bringing an end to the pantomime.

Ted watched, with an inexplicable satisfied feeling in his heart, as Estelle climbed back into his car. Then he looked around the audience and giving them a polite wave as he did so. Ted figured that at least a few of them were aware of his past, and those who weren't, would know all about him in a day or so.

As Ted climbed into the driver's seat, Estelle was already talking on her mobile telephone.

"... separated dad! I've left Roger, so you'll have to get Mr Goldman to organise getting him out of the house. I've told Roger to go by tomorrow lunchtime, but you know what he can be like!" - "No dad, I'm fine. I've got an old friend looking after me at present." - "Yeah, Love to mother; see you soonest!" then disconnecting the call Estelle looked across at Ted.

"Where to; your parents place?" Ted asked.

"No, I figure we go back to your artist's garret, and you could make a start on my portrait if you like. Hey, maybe even a nude portrait!"

"Stella, that's not a very ladylike thing for you to say, and I really don't think..."

"Ted, I'm tired of playing the lady. Just shut-up and drive... Please? There, I've asked you very nicely, haven't I? And don't panic, I'm clear of STD's; I had myself checked-out after Roger's last little escapade. A positive result would have simplified the divorce immensely. And Roger hasn't... shared my bed, since I was declared clean."

"Roger hasn't? Oh my, how the other half live! But if he hasn't Stella...?"

"Don't worry, you'll be the first Teddy... and if I get my way you'll be the last as well. How many children would you like?"

"Kids! Hey look Stella..."

"Don't panic Teddy, I'm pulling your leg. And offering you the chance to do what your hormones wanted you to do when we were back in college. And... well, maybe you'll even enjoy the experience. I get the feeling that I will! And I might get the chance to keep you; especially if I end up preggers."

"But if good old Roger couldn't get you pregnant in eight years, Stella; you have to wonder whether there is some kind of problem."

"Oh, but there was, Ted. A very small problem; the little pill I took every morning. I went on them before we were first married because a child would have been inconvenient to both of us at the time. But then, I never did get around to coming off of the bloody things. Mainly because I realised that Roger would make an abysmal parent, and an untrustworthy father.

"You, on the other hand! Well, I can just picture you with a couple of sprogs in your arms?"

"But, am I trustworthy Stella; you don't really know me?"

"Teddy, last evening you had me at your mercy. You had someone you've lusted after for years in your grasp..."

"Lusted after?" Ted interrupted.

"I've seen those pictures you painted of me, Ted. You've been lusting after my body for years and don't you try to deny the fact!

"Anyway, as I was saying; you finally had me at your mercy, and what did you do? You took me to A and E, and then sat by my bed all-night when you could have been shagging the living daylights out of me."

"I can't say I've ever tried it, but a doubt there's much enjoyment to be gained from shagging a comatose female, Stella!"

"Well, I won't be comatose tonight Ted, lets see if we both match up to expectations. After all, Roger's out of the picture now, if only unofficially."

--

After a hesitant start the night went well for both participants. So much so, that they were in no hurry to get out of bed the next morning, and instead went for round two, followed - after a short recuperative rest - by round three. Then they showered together; Ted admitting to Estelle that it wasn't the first occasion that cubicle had held two bodies at the same time.

Stella replied that she wasn't at all surprised to hear that; but she was surprised that none of Ted's bodies had managed to stake a permanent claim on him.

"Oh, and Ted?" Stella said as they were getting dressed.

"Yes?"

"Your euphemistically termed bodies. I'd prefer it if they're just sitters or models, from now on; are you all right with that?"

"Fine girl, I'll insist that the studio door is always left open in future, if you'd like?"

"No, that won't be necessary, besides some of your... models, might find it embarrassing; I trust you implicitly Teddy. Oh, but I think, if you don't mind, I might ask the girls to call you Ted or Edward in future; Teddy has a familiarity about it that I failed to recognise when Brenda used it yesterday. Lets go have some breakfast and them we can..."

"Go and see your solicitor, I'd suggest, Stella!" Ted interrupted, "Or Roger is going to beat you to it."

"There's little chance of that happening, Ted. I had a couple of meetings with Mr Goldman last week; he has my power of attorney in matters of my soon to be defunct marriage.

"Well, I wasn't quite sure how I was going to react on Saturday evening. Roger and I had had so many arguments over his extramarital activities and he'd promised so many times to behave himself, that I feared... catching him in the act, so to speak, that I might end up in a police cell. That's one reason that I never took my handbag with me; it's heavy, I habitually cart a lot of junk around with me in the damned thing. I'm sure it could do someone a nasty injury.

"What I do have to do today is go and see my parents. My father was more than a little curious about just whom Ted Harper is, and if he starts asking around before he actually meets you... Well, there's little point in getting off on the wrong foot is there?

"By the way, exactly what did happen with you and your motorcycle at the college? It surely couldn't have been as bad as the rumours suggested, or they'd have chucked you out!"

"Oh that, it was just a mix-up. I rode it through the front entrance, up the main staircase and into the theatre?"

"Why?"

"Well, that's where the drama group needed it. They were putting on some production, for five days and had had borrowed my motorcycle as a prop. I needed to use it during the day, when it wasn't on stage though. But then on the final evening, that damned service lift broke down.

"The bike was a little heavy to carry up all those stairs, so I rode the bugger big staircase along the corridor and right up onto the stage. I can't say that all of the college's faculty were impressed or best pleased with my ingenuity though.

"But their were certain members of the staff who didn't want to expel me; I think maybe my talent had been well recognised by then. And well, they had that dirty great blank wall in the main foyer, so my punishment was to paint that mural; out of usual college hours of course. A sort of extended detention you might call it. And it kept me from getting into too much trouble with the boys for a while.

"It did mean that not many folks, outside my own little clique, saw me painting that masterpiece though; you know on weekends and during the college holidays.

"And then quite unexpectedly from my perspective the story about me riding the bike around inside the college buildings... well, it kind of took on a life of it's own. And I can't say my sudden notoriety as a bad boy did me any harm as far as... well as far most of the girls were concerned. Although some people did seem to hold it against me!"

"Damn, touché again! I should not have been such a bitch back then; then you wouldn't be able to keep doing that to me."

"Don't let it worry you kiddo, let's go eat and then we'll go see your father, that should be fun!"

"It's my mother you need to worry about Ted, she's the... Oh bugger, she's even more up-her-arse than I was!"

"Was?"

"Quite definitely, WAS, Teddy. Now that I've found you, I'm not going to give you an excuse to get away, or reason to want to!"

"I'm not sure whether I should be pleased or worried about that, Stella." Ted replied with a smile.

"Definitely worried Teddy my boy! There's only one reason I can think of for you being in that particular public house the other night, and I'm sure that it had nothing to do with saving damsels in distress. Well, they'll be no more of that malarkey when we're married, you know!"

"Oh, I get a bye until you're divorced and we can hitched then, do I?"

Stella looked across at the new man in her life, and just for a moment wondered whether she'd bitten off more than she could chew. But that cheeky smile he was giving her reassured her that she'd finally stumbled across the right man for her.

"Ted, do you ever take anything seriously?"

"Not much Stella. Unless of course, it's one particular damsel in distress. Generally I just let the world do it's own thing and stand on the sidelines and watch. Providing there's enough readies in the bank to cover my immediate needs."

"Well, you must do alright, Ted; this place isn't very big, but it must have cost a fortune."

"It's my parents old place, Stella. I grew up here when the land around it was a my father's smallholding. Then a few years ago my dad secured planning permission for those little boxes all around and then sold the land off to a developer.

"He and mother did alright; they live on Cyprus now, soaking up the sun. And I got this place to call my own. I've chopped it about a bit as you can see; to give me room to work and sell my pictures."

"Well, I still think you should let me pay for those two pictures of, Ted."

"Hey look kiddo, if you don't change your mind and chicken out on me; they'll all be yours anyway in a... shit, how long do divorces take?"

Stella threw her arms around Ted's neck and kissed him again.

"Too long for either of us to wait I should imagine; we'll have to live in sin for a while. Now lets go and see what mummy and daddy make of you. Should be real fun. Oh, a heads-up it was my mother who thought that the sun shone out of Roger's nether regions. And by the way, where I picked-up my... well, I listened to my mothers views on class a little too much when I was younger. My dad can come-over all-officious as well, but that's all an act really; I think to designed to keep my mother happy."

"Hey Stella, what am I letting myself in for?" Ted asked, beginning at last to realise the implications for his future.

Still with her arms entwined firmly around Ted's neck. Estella moved her a head little further away from Ted's and looked directly into his eyes. Ready to spot the first hint of doubt in his mind.

"I'm sorry Teddy, but from your perspective... probably the mother-in-law from hell!" She replied and then quickly added. "But it's me you'll be marrying, not my mother!"

"Oh, so I won't feel left-out when the boys down the pub start moaning about their personal dragons then, will I?" He replied with a grin.

Life goes on