All Comments on 'Slave Girl.'

Very nice.

wrought iron!

... get yourself an editor - the idea is nice but the lack of grammar and spelling really can turn off a reader.

Um, actually, I have fine grammar and spelling. I re-read it and saw that I only misspelled a few words, so please, don't tell me that I have poor grammar and spelling.

Everything I did that might "turn a reader off" I did on purpose. Sometimes I'll use periods instead of commas to infer to a pause. If you don't like it then don't read it.

I'm not trying to be rude but really, I only saw two things that were misspelled.

The story felt rushed and the dialogue was awkward. (I kept picturing Mr. Mackey or whatever his name is from South Park every time the guy would say "Okay?".)

Interesting premis, but there's more to telling a story than just discribing the actions. Simply saying "He put his really big penis in while she gave some random guy a blowjob. It felt great!" doesn't actually say anything.

Details like the taste and smell the other person's skin, the weight of their body, or the sensation of the ropes rubbing against her wrists while she twisted on the table...... it makes a real difference in the story.

Also, these kind of stories do better when there's a little more emotional reluctance. Immediately having the character think "Wow! This guy is crazy and I was scared 2 seconds ago, but this is great! Bring on more penises!" is kinda anti-climatic. The mental struggle against surrender can make things more interesting and turn the final encounter into a bigger pay-off.

The idea of the story is very good and there are some good points as well as bad. For starters, your beginning was interesting and had my attention immediately. One of the things that often annoy me is when someone has a person gagged, but suddenly they are able to talk, or when they are tied up, but then reach for something. You stuck with the characters position. Thank you!

However, there are some unrealistic things in here. The first time a woman has anal sex, it is painful. Without fail, any woman who says otherwise is lying. Especially if that first time she is being triple penetrated. I love anal sex, however if I haven't had it in a while it is uncomfortable at first.

Another point... she was tied up and naked, yet unafraid to be defiant. Most women would act scared in that situation, if a woman behaves differently in a story than most women would, then there needs to be a little character development to explain why.

A woman being forced to have sex does not go from 0 to 60 in half a second or less. She may be wet from stimulation or from the language or from many other things, but she is not going to be thinking to herself, wow this is great. She would be filled with shame, fear, uncertainty, anger perhaps although for most that comes later. It takes time to break down a person's mental barriers and program them to this type of thinking. Our society teaches that these acts are shameful and wrong. A person doesn't throw away something they have been taught their entire lives simply because a person says once that they are now a slave and smacks them across the breast.

My suggestion would be to put yourself in this womans position. Despite that this is a fantasy of yours, how would it truly feel to wake up one day tied up, helpless, naked in a room full of horny men while one of them is telling you that you will never leave and will be a sex slave the rest of your life. Never to see family or loved ones again, never to have a say so in your life again, to be used relentlessly and without mercy, to be degraded and humiliated. You may come to enjoy the new life one day, or at least to respect it. It won't be the first day. Good luck with the next one.

I agree with anonymous. The story lacked substance or any sense or realism. To have a girl fighting and swearing one minute and then totally submitting within a second just because he told her too is sooo far fetched it isn't even comedy never mind non-consent/reluctance.

An editor would be good for you and I would also suggest reading some of the really good stories on here to get a feel for how extra description really makes a story come alive.

Your reader wants to be able to feel themselves in the story to be able to believe that it could really happen to them, to feel it and smell it and live it. Unfortunately this felt more like a "wam bam thank you mam" moment.

Get some practice and take your time on your next story before submitting.

As for "if you don't like it don't read it" I am unclear on how I am supposed to know in advance of reading it that I don't like it. That comment is as nonsensical as your story.

well i love the story. it was very hot and exciting.

now for the next part. i think this story can only get better, so on with the next part of slave girl

Can't spell for toffee.

You can't be serious.

That's the kind of slave I need

-subtamerdom

I am 100% sure I’ve read this story somewhere else but slightly different. Yikes.

Too many misspelled words. Iron does not rot. The word he wanted was wrought