All Comments on 'Stepping in the River, Twice Ch. 05'

Seven percent of $750,000. is $52,500. and so on with the rest of your flawed math logic. Secrete is a function ex: the frog's tongue is sticky with secretions that enable it to hold a fly. She was catty not caddy (to carry) ex: the caddy carried the golf bag or she was a catty bitch when she saw her friend flirting. You need an editor bad. I agree with others that commented oh ch 4 that you were trying to be too cute (not sophiticated) and the storyline became to convoluted and virtually at that point almost uninteresting. You salvaged it somewhat with ch 5 but all in all a good start but at best a 3 star total effort. Thanks for trying and continue to attempt to improve.

Yeah, as previous commentator mentioned math was bad. Also, selling 10 homes in a month would be a ridiculously great month for a real estate agent, especially at 750k avg price. Selling 2 or 3 homes in a month is much more realistic. Other than that, I have followed this series and it is decently written and fairly interesting. Character development is rather lacking in the early chapters and sometimes the storyline takes a sidetrack that seems to lead nowhere...

I can't believe I'm reading about math. Read the story for what it is, not a arithmetic lesson. Now with that said, I don't believe this chapter added anything to the tale. Nothing different was said in the last two chapters. Needs more. Please continue.

English may not be this writer's first language. Math is not his strong point. Real estate investing is not his career. Coherent, logical deductions are difficult concepts for him. If the agent listed at 7%, seldom does that agent also sell the property. Usually, the commission is split between two brokers, one for the buyer and one for the seller. If she were selling houses that frequently at that price, she could write her own ticket with any brokerage without sucking any cocks, or at least not the broker's. She may have to suck a lot of buyers off for those results. How and when did he learn all these secretes (couldn't help it)? This had promise but became a jumbled mess well before it reached a conclusion.

The author does math like the Dems in Congress (plus some Repubs, not to mention our administration). It's no wonder we have a 17 trillion dollar deficit (a number that staggers the mind, and that's no "secrete")! I agree with others a good editor is badly needed -- the obvious writing errors distract from the story.

Speaking of that, I can't imagine why Matthew would want a relationship with Jenny. She was part of the triad of liars and manipulators. Yes, she was tall and pretty. So are lots of women. But a woman who thinks it's OK to fuck a married man while complaining of another woman's bad morals is a woman likely to cheat when it suits her.

Now Matthew indicated he would have a hard time getting married again, but would he really be interested in getting involved with Jenny, the ex-wife's confidant who helped cover up her affair? Not fucking likely. So the story ends with a dumb, improbable finale -- sorry, this turned me off. With coaching and editing, author shows promise, but only if he/she listens to the readers.

Even a soap opera would not be as bad as your story ended . Your are all over the place,wrong sales commissions ,higher than normal commissions,his going to church to find answers he already had that she was a prolific whore, she sold herself for money.you made him a wimpy guy. Jenny a virgin is also brought into this madness. I know you can do better than this, how about thinking the story thru and retreading the final transcript.

The author is at least consistent in his errors of spelling. He really could use a proofreader, if not an editor. It would be worth the investment on the part of both the author and the editor because the story lines and the characters are very interesting.

Fascinating that he found the only meeting of the big three... That is sort of like the stories where the husband turns up at the first infidelity of his wife!

I read these stories trying to hear what the author really wanted to write and liked what I heard.. My thanks to this author for entertaining us.

This is the third chapter where the story becomes more convoluted than told. You begin with your characters having one personality and spend the rest of the chapter/story changing it or having them make decisions that don't agree with their personalities. This makes them unbelievable through a lack of credibility. You have, in essence, worked backward. You have taken a good story with some depth and made it shallow and two dimensional.

Just pure rubbish.

I almost didn't bother after the author screwed up the percentage calculations. Needed editing. Fizzled out. This added very little. Inconsistent with the rest of the story. Nothing really about the wife's insecurity vis a vis hubby. A red herring? It seemed a straightforward business deal. So.....why carry on with the boss exactly? Who knows? Why bother?

Anon 'killed good story' got it very right (? rite ? wright?) ! Two good chapters, got to a reasonable stepping point and COULD NOT stop! Let me tell the author another 'secrete' like HDK...STOP! This cannot be salvaged! (?savaged?) STOP!

2*

Good plot, creative approach. But, really, step back a few days and read it. Is the shift in POV as confusing to you as it is to us? Did you really need to repeat the text from Jenny's thoughts, or could you have just summarized it or even just talked about it?

Also, your math sucks the big one! 7% of 750K is NOT 5K+, but 50K+ You should have caught this by just thinking that 10% of anything just moves the decimal point one place.

Dear Author:

Here is a scenario similar to where I think you are!

Sophist is back in his High School class (not Business Ed, certainly not Math - let's say History). Teacher has him come to the front to answer an elaborate question. Sophist provides a four or five paragraph answer that nails it perfectly! Applause and Kudos! ((Ch1-2))

But then he feels pressure in the anal region...certain he can alleviate it with a silent, small fart...instead of asking to be excused to the bathroom, he lets go! (((Ch3))

Oops! It is not small, nor is it gaseous nor even that solid...it is a loud, drizzly SHIT (right there in front of all his friends.) ((Ch4))

Horrified, he drops 'trow' but the fecal weight overcomes the elastic on his old undies, so they come down with the trousers. There stands Sophist, with his dick and shitty ass on proud display and the mess on the floor stinking up the room! ((Ch5))

A short trip from brief glory to permanent self-exile from ANY reunions (except for the story being the highlight of ALL future class reunions!)

PLEASE abandon this turkey before a small meteorite comes through the classroom window and performs a total (3-part) castration! ((?Ch6-17?))

DON'T let that conclude your reunion account!

The author has some good ideas.

Has written provocative and very original stories.

This time, sadly we all went down that rabbit hole with her.

Keep writing because the comments are good reading.

A Merry Man

As has been mentioned in other's comments, this chapter fails.

The lack of understanding how real-estate works and the remedial math would stop all but the most diligent of readers from getting past the first half-page.

For your research:

- Commission is typically 6% and often less. Rarely 7%

- It's shared by the listing agent and buyers agent (3% each)

- The real-estate office gets a percentage of the agents fee (25%-50%)

- In a typical deal, the agent may get 2%. 2% of $750,000 is $15,000.

- 10 deals a month is insane. One is possible, two improbable

- Top agents have teams, they don't work alone. 2-3 assistants is common

- Top Realtors pay flat fees to their broker, and receive 100% of their commission

Misspelling secret (secrete?) every chapter, after having it mentioned in the comments, EVERY CHAPTER, is aggravating. You do need editorial help.

Please understand. I don't comment often, and if this was pure crap, I wouldn't bother. You've shown you have talent and interesting ideas. The first two chapters of this story were above average. It's been steadily downhill since then. This chapter provided almost no new information of any use, rehashed what was already swill, and did it within a framework of complete misunderstanding of how real-estate works, which is at the heart of the wife's cheating.

Get some beta readers to review your work. Get an editor. Research the essentials of your story. Then remove chapters 3-5 (and any more that are coming,) and give this another try. I believe there's still a decent story to work with, but this isn't it. You're way off the rails.

Honestly, I'm trying to offer constructive criticism. I'd like to see you improve as a writer, but at the moment you're headed the wrong way. I do appreciate your effort. I understand how difficult it is to write and offer it out there to the world. The time and effort required. The risk of facing heated, aggravating comments from your readers. It would be better to take twice as long, and produce half as much, while delivering something worthwhile. Which I know you are capable of.

My $.02.

Just for your edification - 7% of 750,000.00 is 52,500.00 not 5,250.00 - check your math!!

Try reading your work over before you post it. This was a sloppy mess and felt rushed (and here I'm be charitable).

Look up the word "secrete" in the dictionary.

Thanks for the effort.

I respect his comments he has some good points. Your math is a little off and yes I have heard of 7% and even higher but its rare. Big franchise firms would have a very structured rate for there sales and brokers teams. I did like the story and it was a very good idea. the last chapter did give a little information as to how Jenny felt and her side and the repeat of the prior stuff help to make it a stand alone chapter but since it was a series may have not been needed. I did like it and wish I could right something that was even half as interesting the what you wrote.

nevermind the criticisms. It is good to read a story that isn't about willing cucks *****

Reread the first chapter, where the author tells us it's a 5 chapter story. The story is over and we've stepped in it, twice.

You know Matt is a very different kind of guy when he chooses a brussel sprout salad when sitting at the bar.

The verse you often misquoted is this, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, mind and strength, and Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself."

I liked it, like most stories it had some problems, but on the whole I enjoyed it. I do wish you would delete comments that are unrelated to the story, so we can at least pretend the wing nuts are somewhere else.

Chilley

Spell Check - use it.

Competent editor - get one.

Otherwise a great story!

Is a psychoanalyst wimp.

I had to read all this shit to realize its all about his long, unnecessary analysis.

The story? It is just an example or a symbol around which the dumb ass weaves his analytical mumbo jumbo. Just a waist of time. The site was established for erotic literature and all his stress was on his analysis of his feelings and unnecessary afterthoughts. It made the story long, no doubt but BORING as well.

Minus 5 stars.

I really enjoyed the whole story.

But, to me, one point is inexplicable.

On chapter 1, Margo knew very well Matthew was coming to call on her at noon.

Why kiss Stan exactly at that moment?

On the contrary, she should never have Matthew suspect her misconduct.

It appears a selfdestructive behaviour.

Okay, class is in session. A secret is a hidden thing perhaps shared between people. Secrete is what a gland does when it emits fluids or chemical or what a squirrel does when it conceals a nut in the ground. Please tell me you will not make this error again?

Though Margot would have better off not testing Matthew she couldn't help but think he was maybe cheating... but with the money she was pulling down she'd have been better off hiring a PI... more the fool her...

And interesting that she couldn't honestly name herself as a whore since she was CLEARLY having sex in exchange for money...

Add to that the fact she commented about "men" in regards to having sex with others... Plural...

Sloppily written sermonizing psychobabble.

Though not all are as blatantly hardcore as this one, women are born WHORES AT HEART. At least 98% of them will dump the guy they've loved since Jr. High School for a guy who's exciting, who has a snazzy car, who comes from a wealthy family and marry the one who'll give them the most status and security.... then CHEAT ON HIM when she's disillusioned for having made her stupid and self-serving choice and decide to go searching for fresh cocks to fill the emptiness that she CREATED in her soul, when she made the choice to ditch a guy who loved her for status, excitement and security..... or worse, cheat on him if he was the poor bastard she actually married and has decided to fuck her way up in the world.

Take my years of experience and observations, after having fucked hundreds of those whores as the absolute truth. I never needed to get married. I've had over thirty years of all the beautiful, well built, fine tight pussy any man could ask for and never chased after one of them... nearly all of them were married, looking for a big cock, a safe place and absolute confidentiality.

I was born to money, have an excellent location with large bushes & shrubbery, a large garage and I give them everything they're looking for. I always had three rules. They had to provide proof that they were clean.... they could only be with me or I was done.... and sex was always bareback.

None refused bareback or objected to me cumming in them.

I could have been with many more but some of the really good ones visited so often that they'd joke about being my wives. They were superb fuck partners for years.

As for pregnancies and children... over the years, there were some that had to be mine but nothing ever 'backfired' on the wives. (all boys... they reportedly have or are going to grow up to have large cocks. One Mom told me she'd recently discovered that her 14 yr. old daughter had started using her brother's 8 ¼ incher when she was 13 and he was 12 with 6 ¾". I told her to try it out and show him what a really fine pussy can do. She looked guilty for a couple of seconds and then got the biggest shit eating grin on her face and said, "He's not THAT big, yet, but it's sure getting there. I could sure tell that he's been getting a lot of practice.")

Some people didn't like it. That's a pity. No pleasing some.

No woman as cruel, selfish, shallow, and soulless as Margot could hide her evil from a discerning man. Mathew was a blind fool who deserved what he got. Margot was always consistently bad, Mathew just deceived himself until there was simply no more room or opportunity to deny Margot's true nature. All that was well portrayed.

Thanks for your time and talent.

Story could have used some retribution or pain dished out to Stan and Margo but your story had my attention at least.

It was hard to like or sympathize with any of your characters. Maybe Mathew. Jenny pretty much sucked ass as well but far less than Margo or Stan.

Maybe Mathew could spank Jenny's ass purple to make up a bit?

I'm very partial to spanking bad girls though!😁

And still loose ends

On the whole this was a very good story. Yeah, it had spelling probs, math and research problems and probably a few others that I missed. So what? You have stirred the curiosity and gotten comments by some of the best writers, I think, in LW and possibly any other category. And it is true that LW is a very difficult venue in which to write because it receives visceral comments that obviously hit home to many people. Take the criticism of those writers (and I would think we all know who they are) to heart and keep writing.

I enjoyed the twists and turns and creativity, some thing often missing in LW, much of this story is masterfully told if not written great effort I think. I have written two stories which I think are really bad and apparently everybody who commented felt that too. I put them out so that I could feel I had the right to comment on the stories here and not do it anonymously. I despise the anonies whether or not their comments are bad or good. I put my LW name on things. I don't care what anybody thinks or judges me. Writing is a very difficult undertaking. I think you've done well. 5*s

Yeah, maybe the writing was shit, the characters were shit and the plot was shit, but at least all the pages are there.

You should.have left this in the river when you stepped in it the first time.

Jenny who played bar slut in the Philippines with a couple of Pinay bar whores was a virgin before she jumped on our poor dumb bastard of a leading man? Riiiiigggghhhhtttt.

no. No payoff for all the unlikely weird we had to wade through.

All the games, all the manipulation. I couldn't find a single character to care about in this story. Yes, it's realistic that there are shallow people who do see the world this way and can't be trusted because they're transactional about everything in their lives. But I dislike reading about them. I gave up on trying to enjoy this during the second installment but I finished anyway. Wish I hadn't.

And then.......................?!!!! That was a hell of a anticlimax after enduring five chapters of a story that had its conclusion broadcast in Chapter 1. The guy married a cheating slut who was prepared to prostitute herself for an increased rate of sales commision. End of story. The rest seemed just like padding to stretch out the basic plot to make it appear more complex and engaging. It didn't work.

I would like to know, what happened to Margo and Stan. I hope Stan got divorced and taken to the cleaners and hi business sued.

This is one of the worse written stories I have read on this site, from a plot perspective; it is almost as if the author never read what the author had previously written. Margo changed agencies, and Jenny's next job was for an oil company, both facts which were blithely ignored in the coda. In addition, this story was replete with incredibly bad, obvious errors, eg "secrete" for "secret". Why take the time and effort to write something and not bother to proofread or edit it?

Great characters and plot. Why didn't you do something with them? It was disappointing and left most of the drama and suspense on the table; way too many questions and issues unaddressed. I guess Margo got hit with Martian Slut Ray? If she's fucking Stan for more money why doesn't she fuck the buyers and anyone else who will pay her? And Margo is the fantastic successful real estate agent, negotiating, arranging financing and repairs and setting up appointments and getting closing documents and a thousand other details she has to keep organized. But she forgets her husband is coming to pick her up for lunch, that's why she's caught sucking Stan's face? And what the hell happened to the Vietnamese Angel? She was a real woman interested in a real relationship with a real man. Guess you forgot about that character, or just threw her away? Whatever. Yeah, I get it: writing well is difficult. Thanks for the effort.

Need a maths lesson. 7% of 750k is 52500. Writing excellent. Nice idea. TC Ireland.

Femdom agitprop at its worst—poorly written. Waist of thyme, as they write on Literotica.