by xxPAPERBACKWRITERxx
Keep writing, you have good ideas and your style is solid. The one thing I might suggest for this are mini-chapters, because the changes in location might confuse some (not me). Of course they might also disturb the flow of a story as short as this, so it's just a thought, it might not work.
Good points! A longer story is ready for submission, and runs 3x the length of this tale. Not vampire. Female prisoner trades her soul to Satan. I prefer shorter stories but wanted to see if I could do some longer works.