Strange Days Ch. 83-86

Sarah grabbed my arms and jumped up and down, talking so fast I almost didn't catch it. "Can we tell them? Can we tell them?"

I laughed and nodded. I wiped my eyes and cheeks as she dragged me into the living room. Phillip was waiting. He was the only one that knew. He took one look at Sarah, smiled at me, and asked, "Anything interesting on the news, Amy?"

Everyone else looked at us. With a bouncing-on-her-toes squeal, Sarah held up her hand and flashed the ring, and everyone moved at once, coming at us from all sides with hugs, kisses, and tears.

Even Trevor was excited for us. He hugged me, kissed my temple, and whispered so only I could hear, "I love you, Amy. You deserve this."

I hugged him so hard that he grunted in pain.

We got married during the next summer break, back home. It was a very private affair at the court house, with Mom, Aunt Claire, Penny and George. Sarah wore a beautiful seashell gown. Me, I had my hair pulled back into a French braid - by then, my hair was longer than it had ever been - and with the help of Darren, Rose, and Ginger, I wore black dress-shoes and a dark gray sleeveless pantsuit that flattered my figure surprisingly well.

The reception at a local country club, on the other hand, was enormous. Everyone we knew had been invited, and just about every last one of them showed up. Even Todd made an appearance. Though I'd invited him, there was no place card on a table for him. He didn't want to cause a stir, but he still wanted to see me. He texted me when he arrived and I met him out in front of the club, accepted his heartfelt hug and well-wishes, and waved goodbye.

My twenty-first birthday was nothing amazing, by the way. I'd wanted to spend it alone with Sarah, but she refused, so the girls took me to a male strip club and we stuffed bulging G-strings full of cash. No, it was my twenty-fourth birthday that I'll never forget.

It was just me and Sarah, lying in bed after a wonderful dinner had settled in our stomachs. We'd taken a long, hot and playful shower, then retired for the evening, sharing the warmth of our naked bodies, lying on our sides facing each other, just holding and snuggling. She had been putting in more hours as a DBA than she ever had as a model, and she'd had a long day at work. So while I was feeling rather frisky, I wanted to let her rest. Besides, she was off the next day, and I would have her all to myself.

"Amy?" she said softly.

I was stroking my fingertips up and down her thigh and hip. "Hmm?"

Her hand flattened over my heart, then she pushed up onto her elbow to look at me. "I'm ready."

I wasn't sure what she meant. "Ready for what?"

She gave me a tiny, barely there smile, glanced at my mouth and touched my lower lip with her thumb, then flashed me a huge grin. "I want to have a baby."

God, I can't really remember what I felt in that moment. It was a huge jumble of emotions, everything from elation to shock and joy to fear, and not just because of what she'd told me, but because I was ready too.

What Ido remember is how very different it was, incredibly intense and emotionally charged, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her, how acutely aware I was of every inch of her pressing against me, how tight she clung to me, how she whimpered when I rolled her onto her back, how she gasped when I slid inside her, how earth-shatteringly amazing it was, and how she cried when I swelled larger than usual and spilled inside her with more force than ever before.

We'd done it. We had made love, and we had created a life together. It was one of the most unbelievable experiences of my life.

Of course, wedidn't, in fact, conceive that very first time. It took a few months of trying, but then being the horndog that I was, I was more than willing to try as much and as often as my best friend and wife wanted. After talking with Trevor, he readily agreed to go along with our story that he was the donor, though he did slip in a joking comment about wanting to get a round of the real thing out of Sarah.

Phillip and Tabitha finally tied the knot the next fall, and good God, she made an angelic bride - although being intimately familiar with her naughty side tempered my view somewhat, though not in a bad way. Poor Sarah was miserable though. She was still unbelievably beautiful to me, even almost eight months pregnant and carrying a big watermelon around inside her. Her feet were killing her and she was so tired, having been enduring Braxton Hicks contractions for just over a month, with no signs of them stopping, but she got through the ceremony, fanning herself through a hot flash.

After the rice had been thrown and bubbles blown, Sarah kissed me on the cheek. "I'm gonna go get some fresh air, baby."

I took her hand. "I'll come with you."

"No, no," she waved me away, giving my hand a squeeze. "You go have fun. I'll just be a few minutes."

I frowned. "Are you sure?"

She held up her cell phone. "I've got you right here."

I nodded, smiled, and kissed my pregnant wife. When she didn't come back ten minutes later, I got worried, and after fifteen minutes, I went looking for her. Trevor caught up to me on the way through the club.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

I gave a jerky nod. "I think so. She went out for some fresh air. She's been gone a while."

We looked outside, but she wasn't out front, so we started looking through the country club, and I was getting frantic.

"Amy, just call her," Trevor said gently.

"Fuck," I cursed, having forgotten I had my phone. I called her cell and it sent me to voicemail. "She's not answering."

Dread settled in me, low in my gut, turning my stomach over. I walked quickly, searching room by room, then ran, grabbing staff as I passed them and asking if they'd seen her, telling them she was pregnant. Within a few minutes, they were looking for her too. Maybe I'd missed her outside?

I went back to the front of the club and jogged out onto the green, looking around with Trevor at my side, holding my hand. And I saw it, a bit of her pretty blue dress, peeking around the corner of a stairwell. I ran, saw her feet come into view, but I couldn't tell if she was okay, if she was sitting or lying down. I hadn't seen her from the entrance. The vantage point had been all wrong.

"Sarah!"

When we got there, my breath left me and I was consumed by abject terror, and Trevor cursed, grabbing his phone and dialing. Sarah was lying on the stairs, curled up in a ball, and beneath her was a frighteningly large pool of red. I vaguely remember Trevor demanding an ambulance, and me calling Sarah's name, sitting down in that big pool of red, holding her, cradling her, the sound of her sodden dress dragging along the concrete stairs one of the most horrifying things I had ever heard.

She was cold and so very pale, and that red stain was getting larger beneath us.

"Sarah, baby, please," I sobbed, brushing her hair out of her face.

I called her name over and over, whispered, screamed, begged her to open her eyes.

The rest is a blur, and still is to this day.

I know that paramedics showed up, that Trevor had to help them pull me away from her so that they could help her. I remember being in the ambulance and hearing one of the EMTs say something that I didn't understand but scared me anyway, and when I'd asked him what he meant, he'd grabbed my hand and squeezed hard, and the look he gave me, I've never seen a look like that again, and I hope I never do.

"Talk to her," he told me firmly. "Hold her hand. Let her know that you're here."

It wasn't so much what he said that terrified me, it was wonderingwhy he'd said it. But I did what he told me. I held her hand and talked to her, even when they unloaded the stretcher and wheeled her into the hospital. The EMT that had spoken to me was talking to someone, urgently, and there were so many people around us, all of them trying to get their hands on Sarah.

It was noisy, what with all the shouting and loud irregular beeping coming from somewhere, and it was chaos, but I didn't really see it, didn't really hear it. Someone had grabbed my upper arm, hard, but I couldn't leave her. There was a loud bang and bright light washed over me, so bright that I almost had to look away, but I refused to take my eyes off of her.

Someone yelled then - I remember the word 'distress', but that's all - and then there was a loud, long unending tone. The hand on my arm became two, then three, and when I saw a nurse tear open the front of Sarah's dress and another raise those paddles, I screamed.

They hauled me out, screaming and kicking while things were raised to cut and her belly was painted a sickly brownish-orange and her skin was so pale and a tube was pushed down her throat. The doors closed and I fought to get free, slamming my fists against the windows and staining them red, so very red.

We had already chosen a name. William Dean Carter. He came to us five weeks early, but healthy.

Two years later, I still have a hard time getting by without Sarah. I'm at my strongest when I'm with William, and at my weakest when he has one of those incredible moments where he figures something out and you can see the pure wonder in his big brown eyes and I'm reminded that Sarah has missed it. It's a strange place to be, wanting to cry and give in, yet at the same time, feeling such an overwhelming love for our son that I would do anything and everything just to spend one more day with him.

I was still working for Armia, but only when they had a fairly important shoot that they were willing to pay me for. Otherwise, I was largely independent, contracting myself out to various agencies here and there. The hours weren't bad at all. In fact, most of my working hours were spent shooting family portraits. May seem demeaning to someone that has shot models on the runway in LA, which was where I'd just flown back from that afternoon, but family was awfully important to me. It seemed right to help others preserve their memories. I did everything I could to preserve mine.

I was tired, hungry, and sore, and I hated to travel, but walking into the apartment and seeing William with Violet and Phillip made it all worth it, especially when William surged to his feet and yelled.

"Mommy home!"

He came at me giggling with his arms out in front of him, hands clenching and releasing at empty air in his eagerness to grab onto me and hold me. His eyes were just like hers, same color, same shape, and his hair was hers too, at least for now. I was platinum blonde at first, so who knew what William's hair would look like in a few years.

I wrapped him up in a hug and lifted him right off the floor, reveling in the way his little but amazingly strong arms clung to me, the way he laid his cheek on my shoulder and buried his face into my neck. I kissed his hair and smelled her. He was a constant reminder of her, but I cherished it anyway. And yes, I cried, but I always did that when I got back to him from a trip.

William raised his head, smiled, then he puckered his lips and kissed me with a cuteMmwhah!

"Did you have fun with Aunt Violet and Uncle Phillip?" I asked.

"Yeah," he nodded, and I laughed.

He always made 'yeah' sound like a question, and we were still working on saying 'yes'. I guess 'yeah' was just a lot easier.

Violet had stood up, hands held together and waiting. I nodded and she gave me a big smile, came over to join us, kissed my cheek and hugged us both.

"Missed you sweetie," she whispered.

God, I'd missed her too. I missed all of them. Ireally hated travelling, especially since William was still so young, but the money was fantastic. And oh my God! Have youseen how expensive college is?

Phillip came over and gave us a hug too, then touched my arm. "You want to grab a shower before dinner?"

I shook my head. I'd take one after William went down for the night. Tabitha came by after work, then Trevor. I had a nice dinner with all of them. For the most part, they kept to themselves, letting William and I play in his room. Whenever I came home from a trip, he would be so excited that he'd want to stay up late, and I usually let him. I managed to get him into the bath before he got too tired, then tucked him in and kissed him goodnight.

"Night-night," he waved his little hand at me.

I blew him a kiss. "Night-night, baby."

He blew one right back.Mmwhah!

I stood outside of his closed door for a while, then eventually flopped down onto the couch. Phillip handed me a glass of wine and I took a sip. The instant I set it down, Violet grabbed me.

"Come here, Mom."

She yanked me down into her lap, laying my head there. She ran her fingers through my hair and stroked my back and shoulder. Without Sarah, I had to rely on every last one of my friends for strength at times, and they were always there for me. I took what Violet was offering right then, allowing her boundless energy and stubborn refusal to give in to anything work its way into me.

Later, I walked them to the elevator. Violet stopped and turned to me, taking my hand.

"I can stay, if you want."

I smiled and gave her a kiss. "I'm good. I need time with him."

"You sure?" she asked, and I could tell she was worried about me. About both of us.

I nodded. "Yeah, but if you're free tomorrow..."

"I'll be here."

When they were gone, I took my shower, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed. William woke up around three in the morning, crying almost hysterically. It no longer made me panic, but I rushed to him all the same. I picked him up and held him.

"Did you have a bad dream?" I asked quietly.

He nodded against my neck. I whispered that he was okay, that Mommy was here. It took a while for his little heart to stop pounding, but eventually, he was almost ready to go back down. I shifted my hands, barely, to put him back in bed. Abruptly, he looked at me. He always seemed to know when I was about to put him back down.

I smiled. "Would you like to sleep with Mommy?"

He nodded and put his face against my neck again. I took him to bed with me and he lay awake for a while. He was so adorable, on his stomach with his arms and legs tucked under him and his head on the pillow, just watching me, his big brown eyes blinking now and then. It amazed me, seeing his eyes, knowing there was a whole new person in there, one that was already figuring things out, even figuring out his mom, and knowing that someone was missing.

I felt tears gathering in my eyes.

"You miss Momma, don't you," I said, brushing my thumb against his cheek.

William nodded.

"I know, baby," I whispered, and I kissed his nose and stroked his back. This was always the hardest thing to say. "I miss her too."

I woke up the next morning, rested and warm, and to two big brown eyes gazing lovingly into mine from behind William.

I smiled sleepily. "How did the data migration go, Momma?"

She leaned over our son and kissed me.

Dionysus hadn't lied. Sarah died that day. But only for two minutes and eleven seconds.

-END