All Comments on 'Summer Hire Ch. 01'

b, to be honest, i wasn't sure if i wanted to read this story. a couple of times i stopped, hesitated, then continued through.

and now i am glad i did. i like your surprise twist ending. and when i realized that this was the beginning of a multi-chapter story, it makes a lot more sense to me.

i really enjoy how you ruthlessly revealed the blundering, self-defeating poor life-choices of your protagonist Melissa and the still adolescent fraternity character of Tony.

"Bad boys are just bad!" indeed. that truism is going to be a classic line that every young woman should have printed on their t-shirt.

with a little bonus of a peek at the one-off minor surprising character of Mike, the doorman. even a teaser about Melissa's friend Malcolm.

He's an absolute jerk and Melissa's a darling.

...to what looks like could be a great series. Hot sex and good character development.

Great story, thank you! This is the kind of story I'm looking for. This is very different from other (good written) stories I've read. I am going to read the next chapter now - very curious!

-Th.

I nearly gave up after the first two or three chapters. I realise now that they are for dramatic effect. By chapter four, it becomes full 5* content and the writing is always inteligent and literate. Stick with it!

I knew I was writing a novel, so I wanted to start out with where she began, which is not great, so we can see where she goes. But the first couple of chapters don't "grab" readers as much as I'd like. I have debated just starting with Chapter 3 or 4, but many devoted readers reacted very negatively to the idea of dumping this opening chapter. Melissa's mistakes resonate strongly with their own stumbling experiences and they want to see her growth. I really don't know what is the best choice here.

maybe not use "" for thoughts. It is very confusing, I had to keep going back to read over because I thought she said those things out loud. perhaps use italics or 'do this'. that constantly going back took away from the story and I feel like I didnt enjoy it as much as I would have.

Where is the remainder of the story?