tagHumor & SatireTech Support

Tech Support

byEdge23©

The phone lit up, indicating a call for her, but she ignored it, knowing she could keep someone on hold for up to ten more minutes. However, she was feeling generous today, so she answered.

"Thank you for calling MegaCorp Computers tech support. This is Lisa. How may I help you?"

The voice on the other end of the line was male. "Uh, yeah. I need help installing my floppy."

"Floppy, sir?"

"Yeah. I got a bunch of pictures on my computer, but my floppy won't go in right. The slot seems too loose."

"Sir, I'm going to have ask you some questions in order to help you."

"Okay."

"Okay. First off, how big is your floppy?"

"Um, three and a half inches."

"Okay, so you've got one of the small ones. We still have people calling and saying 'Hey, I've got five and a quarter inches.' Can't help them out."

"I bet."

"Next question. How big is your hard drive?"

"Hard drive? Um. Oh, yeah. Twelve big gigabytes. That's pretty good, right?"

"Eh. I've seen bigger. How much RAM do you have?"

"One gig. Pretty fast, huh?"

"Yes, sir. That may be too fast for your floppy, though, sir. Sometimes, you just have to go slow."

"But I want to get my load out of my floppy as fast as possible."

"Sir, moving a load like that can take it's own sweet time. Sometimes, the longer it takes, the better the quality."

"So, a big hard drive and a lot of RAM aren't always good?"

"Not always. Sometimes, things like floppies get left behind."

"What kind of floppy do you use?"

"I don't use a floppy, sir. I much prefer a really big one with a lot of RAM. Sometimes, I even use a RAM doubler."

"Really? A RAM doubler? How do you handle so much?"

"Well, it can't be loaded in the same port, so one RAM is in the front port and the RAM doubler is in the back. Quite a load to handle."

"I bet. How do you handle so much?"

"Well, both of them are pretty quick, so they aren't in there for long. Besides, if you leave two big RAMs in there for too long, then things get overloaded and both ports might shut down. But let's get back to your floppy."

"Okay. How do I make my floppy big enough for the slot?"

"Do you have the right drivers?"

"I have plenty of drivers, but my floppy still doesn't fit in the slot."

"Has the slot been cleaned recently?"

"Not recently. Does that matter?"

"It can. Sometimes there's hair and fuzz that get in the way of a good installation. It's best to get that out of the way and then you can get down there and get a good look at it."

"Once I've cleaned it, then what?"

"Well, then there might actually be something physically wrong with your slot. The best thing to do is to get a finger or two in there and wiggle them around. Hopefully that'll cause something to happen."

"Like what?"

"Well, it might shake or twitch, depending on how many fingers you get in there. There might be a smell that comes out of it, but that's just from the lubrication. There's a spot on the inside that makes the slot contract some, but it's really hard to find."

"Okay."

"Now, keep in mind that some of them are sensitive and some aren't. With a few of them, I know you need to use some extra lubrication and maybe a tool or two."

"Okay. What if that doesn't work?"

"Well, you may be out of luck then, sir. You may have to give up and see if you can find either a smaller slot or get a bigger floppy. I know that can be heard for someone to hear, but your floppy may just not be big enough."

"Yeah, it's tough having a small floppy. A lot of times, I've tried to slide it in, but the slot is just too big."

"I understand, sir. On the rare occasions I use a floppy, I like the bigger ones."

"Okay. Thanks for your help."

"You're welcome, sir. Good luck with your floppy."

*click*

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