All Comments on 'The Amnesiac'

Damn. I apologize for my spelling and other errors in my note at the top of each chapter, and the whole time, I have "punctuation" spelled wrong. I realize it's spelled "punctuation", not "puncuation".

Please write another chapter!! I loved it!

more please, well written and engaging. Am looking forward to further adventures.

Fantastic start! I'm SO intrigued to find out what happens next. I'm already very invested in the characters and like them a lot, hope the rest of the story is kind to them ;p Also, erotic =) !

Your story was very intersting, and beginning to get hoy until the nurse toattly crossed the line. Being a nurse myself, I would have to say this story is totally in the fantansy realm, and no where near what a professional would do.

It's a good start but moved a bit fast for me. I guess, I wanted the characters to build into their roles before anything.

You should try slowing it down a bit and let us get to know the characters and I'm not quite feeling the emotions they're supposed to have. Obviously, Patrick had been sexually abused and usually it's emotional. I didn't feel the emotions like it's supposed to have.

Other than that, it's a pretty good start.

I liked it but went from proper behavior to the sexual aspect WAY too fast. I get the feeling there may be a reason for this but if I'm not right about that than it went to fast.

I enjoyed reading this. Yes, the set up is a bit rushed, and I agree the ethics and procedures surrounding a coma patient get bent a bit (I have a medical background also), but I was able to push that aside to savor the hotness. I'm also intrigued by where this story is going. Will definitely read more. :)

Nice first chapter, but the story went from slow buildup to heavy petting so fast that I wonder if some part of the story got left out. A better transition would really make this a five star chapter.

The fantasy aspect of the story is a bit blurry and ethics come into play when on the one hand Devin expresses concern about his job security because of his very innocent act of comforting the newly awakened Patrick, but then this worry (and thoughts) are gone once his hand is under Patrick's gown and he is deliberately acting in a sexual way... I'm all for fantasy but once you let that bit of realism in, it's hard to let it go.

I was elated to see your new story up. I enjoyed this first chapter and really look forward to more. Peace and joy.

Shell

Thanks guys! I think your comments on this being so rushed has finally cured my writer's block. See, I'm working on another story, but I got stuck. And now that I have read your comments, I sat back and reread what I have so far, and I can finally see kinda where I want it to go.

Uh... I supposed that's not exactly what I'm supposed to say on here, but it's the truth, and I like being truthful. But I seriously am grateful about any and all constructive criticism.

--Soulless

the nonsense in this story is really distracting even for a fantasy.

Unless they have only been out of it for a couple of days and it is all a giant con. your other story was very promising but if you plan to stick with the coma for 5 years line maybe you could do some research and repost or get someone who can be honest with you to read before you post.

Overall I liked the idea behind this. A few problem spot, but you already know those. I do think that you have talent, and it's growing as you write more and more. I did like this chapter and going on to ch2 now!

enjoying it