All Comments on 'The Bank Job 02'

Jason seems like he could be a good guy, but you know he's gonna be caught. I thought he'd have some chest hair -- that makes a man sooooo sexy! He could still have his tattoos as well, but she could trace her fingers through his chest hair after their sexual escapades.

Ugh. Already anxiously awaiting the next chapter.

actually there is some chest hair action in chapter 3, there always was but funnily enough your the second person to request it! unfortunately I am not happy with chapter 3 at the moment so there maybe a bit of a wait. I've managed to muster up enough self control to not reread it for a few days so that might help

Can't wait for the next chapter(s). Please hurry :)

Love Love Love it! No hair chest eww. You are doing a great job and i look forward to the next chapter and reading more of your work :)

He's so patronising "angel" "that'll be the endorphins" fuck off. Why do you create your female characters to be so wimpy with non existent personalities, sure she goes along with EVERYTHING with no resistance.

Also why is the bank robber a middle class, kind hearted romantic lover? It makes no sense. You might as well have taken the kidnap element out of it because it doesn't work at all and the story is unbelievable and logically stupid

Just ignore that last idiot! Your story and characters are great. They are just jealous of you. You know what they say, misery loves company.

Ignore the moron who posted earlier. They need a life other than criticizing a great story. Please keep them coming.

This was such a good chapter....I can't wait to read more.

*Reads again for the millionth time*

she hasn't shown any concern about what her family/friends/co-workers must be going through, knowing she was kidnapped at gunpoint. i know it would take more effort to write it into the story and find a way to resolve it, but it is very much lacking. by not expressing that anxiety it leads to a weak character and implausible story. i doubt if i were kidnapped i would so easily fallen asleep on the couch or become comfortable enough to give myself to him without some of those issues being discussed.

he obviously has feelings for her. you did a great job showing his anger at the man that took her virginity. but, if he felt so much emotion on that topic, why is he not concerned about her family and the very likelihood they and the police are desperately trying to find her.

i like the premise, unexpected meeting leading to attraction. but the missing components detracts. you have very few typos so your doing well addressing them. now use some of that energy on putting more meat into the story.

please don't see me as a hater, you are a good writer, just pointing out ways to be a better storyteller.

You're right, that is a bit of a hole in the plot. I think I've focused very hard on Jason's character in this story and no so much Rebecca's. The issue does come up in the next chapter, but not much, and probably too late.

You don't come across as a hater at all. Thanks for the feedback and thanks for making the effort to couch it in terms that mean it does come across as constructive criticism! Off to answer your email now...

To everyone else, I submitted Ch 3 about 24 hours ago.

I was gonna make some suggestions, but see Ch3 has already loaded. I thought they needed some space from this scenario, so he should let her go, and then they would meet accidentally in the future and pick up again. I just can't see where you go from here otherwise. But I'll hop off to Ch3 now and see what you made up!!

This is really superb. Five for both chapters so far.

..... that totally belies itself as a beginning effort. Am reading this story after having found "The Maid" to be so excellent. Can see the same exceptional talent developing here in depicting complex and absorbing relationships. Intend to enjoy all of your works and hope there are many more to come.