All Comments on 'The Birthday Girl Pt. 01'

Nice concept and a fair try at putting it together. It was a bit confusing in parts, the build up did not seem to fit the story. The whole bit in the beginning about girlfriends and boyfriends a seemed unnecessary to the extent you wrote so much about it. Who dated who etc., On the plus side once you got to the strip club you gave a good view into her mind and did well with her "dancing". All in all a nice, could have been great part one to your story. Perhaps part two will make the whole greater then the parts.

Seems to have learned the lessons from "Joy". The patience and characterisation are still there, but there is more recognition of the need for the erotic tempo of the story to build.

Not sure what all the detail about the girlfriends was for at the start - perhaps it will become evident in chapter two - but it did get the story off to something of a slow start. However, given the general improvement I feel the author deserves both recognition and encouragement. Five stars from me.