by drag0n666
clean up a bunch of errors, and you might have the beginnings of a passable story.
the plot is kinda tired and the ending is too predictable. your sentence structures need work too. correct these and your story will be much better.
sorry, i didn't proof read it and thanks for the advice, from everyboy that responded. keep on the lookout for part 2. and yes i will proof read it.
I agree a good story, but many mistakes.
This was a pretty damned good story and I rated it 75%. I would have given it 100, except that the grammer and spelling were pretty darned bad! Take some time and proof-read your story!!! We aren't working on a deadline on here, so take your time and submit a good work!!!!!
This was a pretty damned good story and I rated it 75%. I would have given it 100, except that the grammer and spelling were pretty darned bad! Take some time and proof-read your story!!! We aren't working on a deadline on here, so take your time and submit a good work!!!!!