The Bleakest of Seasons

You feel so incredibly fragile, like you're made of glass. You breathing is rapid, almost panicky. Tears still seep out of your eyes, and you still don't even understand why you are so emotional.

Scott steps over to the fridge and pulls out a cold bottle of water for you to drink. When he turns back to the table he sees you still shaking through the blanket. 'Addie? Are you ok?' He tries for calm but he's obviously unnerved that you're acting like this.

You try to answer him, but words are just stuck in your throat, and every time you try to speak more tears just surge forth. He folds back the blanket from around your head, and brushes the hair away from your face. Now he can see how distressed you are, which in turn, upsets him.

He scoops you up in his arms, and lifts you off the table still wrapped in the blanket that he retrieved for you. It's a less than perfect plan, because the moment after he lifts you up, , he's not sure where to go next. A moment later he settles on the bed and he sits down and then hugs you to him.

You can't help it any longer, you just wrap your arms around his neck and start to bawl. Great heaving sobs rip out of you, and Scott just holds you, and rubs your back, whispering 'It's ok Addie. It's ok.' into your ear again and again.

Finally, after a few minutes of emotional release, you make a fist and bang him on the chest in frustration. To his credit, he doesn't even flinch, and possibly even seems grateful that you are no longer crying inconsolably.

'How are you... what are you doing to me?' You murmur into his ear.

He just hugs you tight.

'Addie, just talk to me, ok? Just talk.'

'I don't know what that was. I... just started crying and I couldn't stop.'

'Did I hurt you?' He asks, legitimately concerned.

You laugh out loud at that question.

'No, you didn't hurt me. Exactly the opposite. Your touch was driving me crazy. And I couldn't see you or hear you except when you were teasing me...'

You trail off, suddenly feeling fragile again.

'And... and I ... I just...'

The stupid, stupid words are stuck in your throat again. You've argued for million dollar budgets in front of Senators and Premieres, haggled about communication strategies with CEO's and corporate branding teams, but for some reason when you try and talk about your emotions with this man, you keep falling apart.

'Shh... just listen to me for a moment.' he asks you. You nod and just wrap your arms around his warm chest and hug him.

'I'm sorry I hurt your feelings this morning, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to treat you like garbage, or make you feel bad. You matter to me. You do. I'm still figuring you out, and what you like and what you need, and I'm going to make bad calls for a while; and probably forever.'

He tucks the blanket around your shoulders and starts rubbing your back as he talks. It's comforting.

'But I'm not going to let you top from the bottom and obliterate this. I need this and you want this and if I'm weak about it, the whole illusion falls apart and we're just two sad people role-playing a sex game. ' You hug him tighter. He's hitting on something important here and you want him to finish it.

'So if I ever see you trying to take control or be bratty, I'm going to punish you, and quickly, just to protect this. And in the future if you're being playful and I can't play, I'll let you know and not jump right into chaining you to some random piece of heavy machinery.'

You just hold him tight.

He's not perfect. He's frequently late, and he misses obvious clues sometimes, and sometimes when he gets that look he's kind of scary. But you know he cares about you, he listens to you, and he's doing the best to make this work and make you happy.

And he does things to your body that you did not think were possible.

You pull him even closer, and whisper quietly into his ear.

'Scott, I need you to know ... you matter to me too. You matter a lot. You stir things up inside me that I don't even feel with other ... guys. I'm sorry I pushed this morning. I should have realized you were working and on the phone. That was my fault, and then I got upset over something that I caused. I'm really, really sorry.'

He chuckles quietly.

'Why don't we call that one a push kiddo?'

You nod, happy that you've moved past your first disagreement, but you still need him to do something for you.

To you, really.

'Ok, it's a push. But...'

He waits patiently for you to speak.

'But I need you to do something for me. Please. And I don't want to push because I know you don't like that.'

'Asking is not the same as pushing. Ask me Addie.'

Your tummy throbs with pressure and butterflies. All that time on the table has stimulated you into a frenzy.

'Please use me. Hard. Now. I really need it after what you did to me on that table. And please be messy.' You whisper into his ear with a touch of desperation.

'Messy?' He asks.

'Make a mess on me. My stomach, or my face or where ever... just make a mess.' You half explain and half plead.

'All right... I just.. I...'He sputters.

'What's wrong?' You look up in alarm.

'Addie... we already had sex four times today. I'm not sure I'm... up to that.' he says with obvious embarrassment.

You pause, almost afraid to ask, but then decide that asking is clearly ok, it's trying to take control that is clearly the sin in this relationship.

'Can I help?' you plead quietly.

Scott nods his head. 'Of course you can help.'

You don't hesitate. You slide the blanket off your shoulders and to the floor. He slides the track pants down and kicks them away, understanding without questioning what you're doing. A moment later, you're kneeling on the blanket between his legs.

Another moment later, your mouth is on him. You suck, kiss and fondle his manhood gently, but with a sense of desperation. The sooner he becomes erect, the sooner he can be inside you, and after three hours chained to that table and teased into a frenzy, you need him in you as fast as he can penetrate you.

It takes a few minutes, but you speed up the process by generally doing whatever you can to make this an earth shattering blowjob. You keep eye contact with him at all times. You use lots of saliva, and your free hand is either caressing his testicles or playing with your nipples in a an effort to arouse him and make him as hard as possible as fast as possible.

He becomes engorged quickly, much to your delight, and seconds later, he tugs on your hair and pulls you up to him.

He pulls you onto the bed, climbs on top of you. You spread your legs wide to accommodate him, and when he slides inside your ridiculously slick opening, you wrap your legs around him to pull him deeper inside you.

He wastes no time at all, and moments after he enters you, you gasp in pleasure as his flesh slaps off your own repeatedly. It takes little time for you to climax as you've been unbelievably over stimulated for hours now. It takes him forever to get to that point himself, but he keeps on thrusting hard into you again and again, and you endure incredible, almost painful orgasms one after the other.

You're lost in a sea of pleasure and lust when you feel him tense up. Your mind scrambles to remember what you wanted to do, and then you recall what you asked him so as he pulls out of you, you squirm off the bed and onto the floor, then turn to him. You squeeze your own breasts at him, lick your lips and say one thing.

'Please.'

He nods, and turns and strokes his member to release and a surprisingly thick spray of his seed sprays across your face. You close your eyes and exult in this one act that seems so humiliating but feels so erotic to you.

You hear him grunt quietly, and one more stream of semen gushes out, and splashes across your chin. You feel the hot, slippery release trickle off your chin and down your chest.

You moan. It feels incredible to you. Scott reaches forward and catches an errant drop dangling off your nose, and then presses his finger to your lips. Your tongue darts out to taste him, even though your eyelids won't open yet.

'Stay there, don't move.' He whispers, and then he gets off the bed slowly and with a mild curse.

You don't want to move anyways, you just want to sit here and enjoy the afterglow.

You hear a clicking sound, and force your eyes open. His phone is open and he's looking at the picture he just took of you.

You're alarmed, but he turns the phone to show you what he sees and it blows your mind.

You appear exhausted, yet fulfilled, Your eyes are closed, and a layer of semen and perspiration coats your breasts and face. You're half sitting, half squatting on the floor and your head is tilted head back with an odd smile on your face.

You look satisfied. Completely, utterly satisfied.

Scott smiles at the picture with you, then moves to delete it. You stop him.

'Can you send me a copy?' You ask, surprising even yourself.

'Can I keep a copy?' He asks you. You nod a little hesitantly. You trust him, but it makes you nervous to have any picture like that out there.

He saves it, then produces a bottle of cold water for you to drink and gives you a towel. You slug back the water rapidly, suddenly aware of just how thirsty you are. You look at the towel with hesitation.

On one hand, you like being messy like this. You can feel him on you, in you, and you like it.

On the other hand, it's rapidly cooling, and it's starting to feel gross. So you reluctantly towel yourself off and set the cloth aside.

You look up at Scott as he sits on the bed. He smiles at you.

'If I order some vegetarian Chinese food, will you stay the night?'

'If I stay the night, will you cuddle me?'

'Addie, I will cuddle the fuck out of you.' He replies seriously.

You cannot help but laugh at that response. You don't think you've ever heard that before.

So after a little time, you're snuggled up together on the couch, nibbling on trays of steamed and sautéed vegetables, mushrooms and rice. Scott has a bowl of noodles that looks so hot you're afraid to try it. You enjoy the company and the food, and you both wind down from your crazy first whole day together with some banal, mindless television.

You start getting tired at about ten o'clock and lay your head on his chest. He responds by stroking your hair and shoulders at first, then stops.

'Addie, lift your head.' He asks. You obey with a smile. You know what's coming.

The soft, fluffy pillow that you're so very used to slides under your head and on his chest. You hug him tightly and entwine your legs with him under the blanket. He straightens the blanket and tucks it around you both, and then leans back and runs his fingers up and down your back and across your shoulders in a circular motion.

You're not sure if this is by definition, cuddling the fuck out of you. But you do know this.

You like it.

Sleep claims you a little while later, and for once, you're so exhausted and satisfied that you don't even dream.

You sleep like the dead. Between the Olympic level sex you've had and the emotional breakdown yesterday afternoon you've never needed sleep this badly. Couple that with Scott's warm body and the soft pillow you're resting on and you wake just before six feeling incredibly rested.

Scott lays behind you, gently snoring.

Ok, maybe not so gently. He's kind of loud.

You look over your shoulder at him and smile. His head is resting on the arm of the sofa at an odd angle. He doesn't look comfortable.

It bothers you. You don't like seeing him like that.

You look down the couch and make a quick decision. Carefully, you slide out from under his hand on your hip and quietly step onto the chilly concrete floor, suppressing a squeak as you do so.

You look at him for a moment, then decide that if this is trying to steal control, he's allowed to punish you.

You slide out of the comfy track pants, but leave the huge T-shirt that he loaned you on. You like wearing his clothes. You like smelling him and sleeping next to him.

You don't like looking at him like this when he's contorted himself into a knot just to try and make you comfortable.

You bend over and pick up the fluffy pillow from the couch. You poof up the pillow and put your hand on Scott's cheek. His skin is rough with stubble and he needs a shave. You don't care, you kind of wish he'd grow a beard.

'Scott. Scotty. Lift your head.'

He groans and stretches.

'C'mon sweetie, lift your head please.'

Where did sweetie come from? More importantly, will you catch shit for that?

Scott grumbles something and half opens his eyes. He blearily lifts his head and you slide the pillow under his head. He flops down on it a moment later and snuggles in. You smile to see that. He looks comfortable now. It makes you happy.

But now he's just lying there. Alone.

A moment later, you slide back under the blanket and press back into him. He doesn't open his eyes, but he wraps you up in a hug and pulls you tight against him, then one hand slides under your shirt and firmly grips your breast, while the other slides down your side and grips your bare ass.

You breathing gets shallow when he manhandles you. He's gripping you tight against him and his hands are in places that you love. You think about it for a moment, then subtly grind your buttocks against his groin.

His fingers lock onto your nipple and he gives it a sharp twist. You gasp out loud, and clutch your hand to his.

'Addie. M'sleepy. We'll fuck later, ok girl?' He says groggily.

You tingle a little. You're not sure if it's from the twist or him calling you girl.

'Ok. Later.'

'Mmmhmm.' He murmurs into your ear and snuggles you into his chest even tighter. A few minutes later his breathing and grip relaxes. You sigh as his vice like grip on your nipple softens, and you lean into his warm chest.

He sleeps for another ninety minutes. You merely lay against him, half naked with his hands on you and his arms wrapped around you, resisting the urge to grind against his pelvis.

He's warm, almost hot. You can't help but place your hand over his and hold it to your breast, like an occasionally vicious brassiere.

It's comfortable lying like this. It feels nice. It feels... right.

You close your eyes and doze lightly with him.

Later, your feel him shifting and yawn into your ear.

'Now?' You whisper excitedly and grind your bum against him.

'Addie...' He groans. Clearly he is not a morning person.

Except... he's sporting a morning erection. A monstrous one, you feel it poking you in the thigh and it makes your stomach tingle.

'You said later. Now?' You whine just a little.

He sighs, and the fingers grip your nipple again, hard. It's a sharp pain, and you suck air between your teeth. His other hand slides down your buttock and slides between your cheeks. His finger locates your little rosebud with startling speed, and with an aggressive poke he penetrates you. You emit a little squeal, surprised more than hurt by his intimate little violation.

'Girl, you have a choice. We can strap you facedown on that table for the whole goddamned day again...and I can find something much larger for this hole... or you can go make me coffee.'

You actually think about it. You hate, hate, HATE being strapped facedown on the table, but his finger is suddenly inside you, stirring up sensations and desires that you didn't even know you had, and he's absolutely *seized* control from you again and the moment he does that you turn to Jell-o.

'Coffee it is then!' You respond, your voice cracking. If he's this aggressive, he's sure to use you soon. Hopefully he's in a mood that will motivate him to use your body.

You think about that as he snuggles back into the covers, and you pad out to the kitchen. You should be angry that he gave you an ultimatum before you even got out of bed. On the other hand, he already gave you a strong hint when he was trying to sleep that you were pushing, and he'd been pretty firm then, so maybe you were subconsciously trying to make him aggressive with you.

Whatever you did, you were starting to figure him out. Just how much you could push him. Maybe it was time to experiment with him.

It takes you a moment to set up the coffee machine and brew a pot. As you do so, you see him swing his feet around to the floor and sit there like a zombie, groggily rubbing his face and yawning.

You hope that monstrous morning wood is still there when you get done making the coffee.

A few minutes later, you pour him a cup of steaming black goodness, and then stir in sugar and cream for him, trying not to gag as you do so. (How does he drink that?) You pour yourself a black cup with sugar for you, and walk back to the couch where Scott sits blearily waiting for you.

'Coffee!' You say cheerfully as you hand him the hot cup. He takes the it from you as you make a weird little bow for no reason that you can fathom.

He stops, cup in hand and stares at you.

'Did you... did you just curtsey to me?' He asks, somewhat dumbfounded.

'Uh... maybe?'

'Why?'

'I have no idea?' You say after a brief, embarrassed pause.

He chuckles and shakes his head, then pats the couch beside him. You hesitate, then sit carefully a few inches away. You're actively resisting an urge to grope at him or get yourself in trouble. He eyes you wearily, almost seeming to know what you're thinking.

'Addie...'

'I'm over here. Not doing anything. Good girl.' You say that last line and point a finger to your chest.

'Addie... I just wake up hard sometimes. That's all. Give me a little time to get my shit together, ok?' He says between slurps of coffee.

'Ok.' You respond, crushing an urge to say 'Now?' as you do so.

For a brief while, you both sit quietly on the couch and enjoy the coffee you made.

Part of your head still thinks you should be mad at him for ordering you to make him coffee. But another part shuts that train of thought off quick. He's learning from you and you're learning from him, and he gave you an out instead of chaining you to the table and breaking out a copy of Yoko Ono's greatest hits.

You shudder at that. He probably has a copy. Where the hell did he get copies of Milli Vanilli and Weird Al?

He catches you recoiling and raises an eyebrow.

'I was just thinking about your ... eclectic music tastes.' You tell him, answering the unanswered question.

'Hmmm? Oh. Yeah, I have a lot of stupid MP3's that are kind of crimes against humanity.'

'Scott?

'Yessss?' He intones. He drags out the word like the gangly weird butler on the Adams Family. He does that when he's enjoying the conversation with you sometimes and you ask him questions that most guys would never answer. It usually means he's enjoying himself or in a good mood.

You clamp down on an impulse to say 'Now?'. It's not the time yet.

'You don't have a copy of Yoko Ono's greatest hits do you?'

He sputters out coffee, clearly amused.

'No Addie. I don't. And even if it existed, I'm not sure I'm that cruel.'

He pauses.

'Maybe.' He says with a smile that he hides behind the coffee cup.

His mood is definitely better. You try to be subtle, and lean back on the couch drawing a knee to your chest. You know full well that you're pulling up the T-shirt and openly displaying yourself. You hope that he does too.

He takes another pull on his coffee, then glances over at you, doing almost a double-take as he sees your pose.

'Addie, is this a less than subtle attempt to seduce me?' he asks with a smile, not making any effort to look away.

You feel embarrassed suddenly, and sheepishly lower your leg and smooth your t-shirt back into place.

'Addie. Why are you so urgent? Do you think I'm going to disappear?' He asks calmly and with genuine curiousity.