All Comments on 'The Broads Ch. 01'

Short, bland and poorly edited, you would think something that warrented an "E" would be stellar. This never even left the ground.

I was expecting more..... and no page 2? short story don't think it deserved am E. good start to the story....

An enjoyable read: fast-paced, quirky narration, good dialogue and a lively writing style makes this a promising start of a story.

A decent enough brief introduction to a story, but the E confuses me also. Regular staff must be on vacation because other weird things are going on here lately too.

?

And while the editor may have liked it, I didn't. The characters are too mechanical, and the mechanicals show carelessness.

You have something here but I agree with the above comments, it's very mechanical.

You have some nice characters but personality wise, they are pretty boring.

I too am confused about the editors choice. This needs work.

I'm not sure the mechanical is all bad. because it's first person, it sounds like "mechanical" is just the way the speaker thinks--however, because you don't yet have a major plot, with no climax, the mechanical feel is all that the reader feels, and that's never what you want with fiction writing. If you're going to write like this, you have to put a lot of effort into making the plot good, or you're just gonna lose readers. and if you're not writing to get readers, then why are you posting on the internet?

anyway, I'm not gonna say this was "great" or anything, but I think it has potential.

Hunterwren, I've been reading your erotica for years. You have a great prose style, with a sharp eye for detail. Don't stop writing. In fact, you should try writing something outside of erotica (not that there's anything wrong with erotica). I rarely come back to this site, but when I do I always look to see if you've posted anything new. I'd go so far as to say you're the only reason to visit this site. I particularly love that your characters are self-aware and intelligent, but also sexual and unapologetic about their needs. Oh, and you're very good at describing women's bodies, their taste and the heat of their skin when they're truly aroused. It saddens me that we'll never meet, or fuck, but then frustrated desire can be a pleasure in its own right, as I'm sure you already know.