All Comments on 'The Commander Ch. 06'

This part of the story brings a very nice turn that keeps it interesting and exiting!

Please go on soon.

I just hope you won't make Jet lose his sexual potency, the way you've hinted in that last paragraph, though. That would be the killer in an erotic story...

Other than that, I like your style! Your writing style is clear, easy to follow, and I'm noticing that it has improved since you started out. You're doing just fine, so keep at it. New Jet's character is awesome, as well! He is actually kind and generous, but is also a very capable man, especially when it comes to business and dangerous situations. I like what you made him into, and I'd be willing to bet many other people like that, as well. And he's still only human - as seen from his disconcert when he heard of "his own" death. Pretty nice touch!

The story is developing nicely, too. I wonder if you'll grow on this story into something long and adventurous, like having him go forth boldly into this new life and make him use his mind powers and money to improve on both his life and the lives of those new people that would be close to him? Adding a few side characters would add dimension to the story. Besides, it seems to me that all the money he now owns could be put into something useful and exciting - something much smarter than Old Jet ever could do.

And by the way, do you think that could develop a bit more on that aspect of the story that concerns his mind powers? So far, other than body-snatching, it seemed like his powers were a form of high-powered hypnosis, but I don't see why there wouldn't be a reason for Jet to start discovering something new about his mind powers that he wasn't aware of before. Something that appears small and insignificant, but is actually an immense asset would be the best thing - like sensing what another person is thinking in that very moment, like body language only slightly more substantial... it cannot give him much of an advantage, but it would force him to use his smarts even more, especially if you want to put him up against those elements who threaten Jocelyn, that are capable of making people disappear. Such people must have wide networks and legit businesses... you never know what might happen...

Good progressing story line.

Eventually Fiona has to be told about Don Molloy taking over Jet's body, possibly at Don Molloy's funeral.

Also you need to have Don/Jet test whether or not Jet's soul is also dead, maybe with him temporarily taking control of Jocelyn, with Fiona having the cattle prod and tying up Jet as a just in case measure, making Fiona a participant in her and Jocelyn's salvation should help Fiona get past her feelings.

Great plot twist this chapter.

Thanks for such great stories!!!!!

Love the deception and lack of real and trusting relationships...