All Comments on 'The Deal Closer'

big dick... sluts... and a bed wetter hiding in the closet. Yawn.

Can't you people who think this crap is somehow arousing use a little freakin' creativity once in a while? You all write the same sad shit over and over and over.

Unoriginal and boring as usual.

How many times is this same tired old plot recycled? Hopefully hubby gets Jennifer (and a lot more) after he catches his cheating whore...

Usual LW garbage.

and last.

I hope

and the closet is open. TK U MLJ LV NV

Come on people lets no be so harsh, new writer first story we should be encouraging him/her to improve, yes it could have been much better, longer with more drama and tension but as a first fuck-fest story there have been much worse on this site and as regards to the same old, well try thinking of an original idea there is very little that is original about sex.

Is she a cheap slut or is she faithful? I think you are ambivalent. Don't be. You need to be absolutely clear about this.

So there is a dick that is only outsized by the ego it's attached to plus the most talented tongue in the history of sex. A husband hiding in the closet so the secretary won't know he is there. Brilliant! That will make sure the couple is left alone. A cheating wife who will comprise her position and values for money..oops not really for the money was it. She thinks with her pussy in exactly the same way I'm sure women complain about the male stereotype. Boy oh boy is that erotic or what? No? How about an intriguing plot? No? Well then, a waste of time? Yes!!!

No matter what, she cheated him, and for money, so she whore herself and her secretary for the deal...Now he knows she is a cheating wife, what wouldn't have happened if he stoped the action. But I think he put money above faithfulness and love, just as his wife. And that is bad...

Since you're a newbie, and this is your first submission, here is some helpful advice:

1) Watch your tenses. You switch from past to present tense, and then back again, a few times throughout the story. Stick to one and remain consistent.

2) Read an article (and there are a few on this site) about how to use quotes. Your use of quotation marks was all over the map, and it was often difficult to figure out who was saying what.

3) Work on your dialog. Write dialog as you imagine people actually speak in real life. For example: "This is not how I do business, and as profitable as this deal could be for me and my company, I will not let it jeopardize my ethics and my marriage." People simply don't speak like that. Instead, a real person would more likely say something like: "Hey, keep me out of this! I'm a married woman!"

4) Try to avoid cliches and stereotypes. The husband hiding in the closet. The black man with the 11-inch dick. Etc., etc..

5) Don't include measurements of any kind. Instead of describing an 11-inch dick, use words to describe how long it is instead. Let the reader fill in the blanks. Whenever I see a story involving an 11-inch dick, I can't help but wonder who used a ruler to measure it, and at what point in the story it happened. It's such a precise description, you would need a precise way to measure it.

If I thought you were beyond help, I wouldn't have commented. I encourage you to continue writing. Maybe you could find an editor to help you with the next one.

Good thing he wasn't found out.

In the real world, and this happened, all might have been enlightening and acceptable until Patricia decided to get her pussy licked so...

Now he needs to know that she is willing to get sexually involved. At the moment she intended to remain faithful, got totally excited sexually and will be thinking about the BBC a lot so again...

Frequent trips to San Diego - sure, weekend trysts with BBC.

Nice effort for first submission. I noticed you had some good (and not negative) advice so I'll end with - good job and yes - he's about to be a cuck and if not willing - single!

2ndThoughts

To follow Swingerjoe footsteps, post these stories under group sex or fetish.

Wrong category 1*

"that she would love to see me and get a ticket and fly to San Diego,"

She would have said, "I would love to see you! Get a ticket and fly to San Diego."

It got worse from there.

Please no more stories of pathetic losers like this guy. I can't stand the fact that it is part and parcel of this category these days. There are maybe only 2 or 3 stories a week that aren't of the ultra cuck variety and it's complete fucking let down to see men enjoy getting lied to and manipulated and celebrating it. Pathetic!!!

What a pathetic piece of crap! He deserves for her to cheat on him

Decent story. Unoriginal plot. 3*s for encouragement!

As to the characters, I predict bad business decisions,practices and a marriage in trouble. Also very predictable. I hope the next posting, rowemancingU is not boring. Ha, HA. Because lol is Soooo predictable!

AMerryMan

Nah. Cuckold trash, normal fare for this category.

Write more stories, this was good!!

Those who will read it as a story may not find it sexy but those who have experienced kinda same thing in any way can feel how hot this story is

enjoyed the story. Hope you write more stories.

Aint no nigga named "Ellis" evaah!

I guess the wife gets to have a man every time she gets to San Diego. Too bad she doesn't have one at home.

and want to go re-visit for a re-check or a re-orgasmic trip. TK U MLJ LV NV

Another unfinished story!

5.0 = 100% (🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟), 👍👍!

My wife was offered a job that involved regular air travel with overnight stay. Financially it was a promotion.

She and I discussed the offer and decided that she should embrace the opportunity.

experience.

I was already aware I had a quite pronounced voyeur side. In my sex fantasies she was already fucking other men.

My wife was changing for the better: she became self confident, less shy, she was more free spirited, she enjoyed sex without inhibitions, she was better in bed (she really knew how to fuck!)

She kept that position for about 3 years. She was never ever turning me on more then in those 3 years.

Hot story!! Now that’s making deals underneath the table!!😂