The Descending of Jessica Ch. 12

Several months ago, I hinted at an epilogue to wrap everything up. Unfortunately, this has turned into not only another chapter but probably should have been two or three. Oh, well. If you haven't read the preceding chapters, you probably should or none of this will make any sense. If, on the other hand, you want to plow right in then have at it. I make no promises as to whether the continuity will make any sense to you, but you are welcome to try.

As always, all names have been changed. Some events have been embellished and others ignored because, well, I didn't know anything about them. Thanks again for reading!

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I woke up crying on Brent's shoulder. This was not how I had envisioned our wedding night when Brent had proposed at the end of summer. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After Brent and I had it out, the mood in my hospital room became more festive. I practically drown in hugs. Brat snuggled up at my side on the bed and soon fell asleep, it now being rather late in the evening apparently. I held her as closely as I could without hurting. Brent sat on the bed at the other side. He held my hand and just generally gazed at me as I stared back. Our eyes confessed our love for each other in ways words could not express. Everyone else was trying to catch me up on events over the last couple months. Carolyn and I chatted quite a bit about her new man, who happened to be one of my doctors.

"I don't know, Jessie," she explained. "When you were at your worst and I needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there and, well, we just kinda connected. You're going to love him. He's a great guy!"

"I guess you introduced my parents?" I asked.

"Oh sure, they all know him. He's here everyday," Carolyn said with an odd look.

"No, I'm sorry. I meant to each other!"

"Oh! No! I was in the ER getting my head stitched up when they met. Other than bruises, the only injury I got in the wreck was a piece of glass in my scalp underneath my hair. I'm not sure how that happened," she replied.

"I can answer that," Ron smiled. "Since you're 18, your mom is legally your next of kin. So, well, she was kind enough to keep us involved in your care decisions."

"Well, I couldn't, you know, I mean Ron and Allison have taken care of you for so long, it just wouldn't be right..." Donna's voice tapered off in confusion before beginning again. "We heard the wreck and when I saw it was you, I came running out. The EMTs kept me back but when I told them who I was, they let me fly to the hospital with you and gave me your purse and phone."

"Fly?"

"Yes, they had you medivaced. Your vitals were crashing pretty fast. Anyway, once we got to the trauma center, I remembered Mr. Anderson was a dentist. so I checked your contacts and found a 'Dr Ron' and called. They came running, along with your fiancé and this young lady. You didn't tell me you had a sister."

"Well, I didn't plan for you all to meet this way, but I'm glad you have. Let me be clear about something. I love all of you, and you're all my parents," I said, tears welling up again. My voice was still as weak as my body. "Is that okay?"

"Of course, darling. It's not a contest!" Allison wept with me.

"Nearly dying three or four times isn't going to get rid of us," Ron added.

"I'm just happy to be a part of your world again, Jessica," Donna whispered almost under her breath.

"Jessie," I said with a grin. "So, you work here now?"

"Well, once I got my boards back, what with the nursing shortage, I could pretty much work doing something at about any hospital I wanted. Since you were here, I figured I could be here if you needed anything. I'm not actually assigned to this floor and I'm not supposed to care for family members."

"I won't tell if you won't," I interrupted.

"Oh, I'm not working now. I just don't have anything else to do in my off hours, so I just hang around. Once the Andersons get back, I run home. I sleep a bit, then come back to work. The only person that's here more than me is that guy of yours there," she said, indicating Brent.

"I'm glad you are. Come to think of it, Carolyn! Its Christmas Eve! Why aren't you home in Ohio with your folks?" I said when I realized.

"Well, when we thought you might.... well, I couldn't leave," she sniffled. "Then they said you should wake up pretty soon and I couldn't miss that. Then you kept waking up and going back to sleep and I wanted to be here and spend time with you so I couldn't go... Anyway, I'll go home in a couple of days. No biggie." She smiled.

"You're all so good to me," I whispered as my energy started to wane.

My dinner of jello, applesauce and, I think, more jello revived me a bit. It felt like I hadn't eaten in weeks. I guess because I hadn't, yet it took very little for me to feel full.

Finally, a nurse came around and quietly announced visiting hours were ending. She added that my friends and family could stay in the family room down the hall, but I wanted them to go home. The worst was over. I was out of the woods and, more than anything, felt like I needed rest. I was wary of falling asleep, though, for fear of not waking up. I was told earlier that physical therapy would start in two days due to the Christmas holiday, and I was fine with that. I gave Allison a list of things to bring me. Most importantly were hair removal cream and razors, shampoo, conditioner, and my tablet so I could read.

Everyone kissed me on my forehead, cheek or brow and said goodnight. Of course Sarah, being the Brat, announced she was staying with me but, after a few minutes negotiating, we convinced her to go home with Ron and Allison. I had to convince her that I needed to borrow back my copy of Sorcerer's Stone, and that neither Ron nor Allison knew which copy I needed, but she finally agreed. What kind of child would rather be at a hospital than opening presents on Christmas morning?

Carolyn left with them. Apparently, since school ended, she had pretty much moved into the guest room. This left just Donna, Brent and myself. Donna politely excused herself, saying we would talk in the morning.

"I hate you have to go home," I said, once again staring at the love of my life.

"I'm not going anywhere," Brent replied.

"You have to, silly. Get some rest and I'll see you in the morning. I love you."

"Okay, look, I've been without you for two months. Part of that was my fault, and now that we're past that, I'm not ready to be away from you again. I was here when we thought you were going to die from the wreck, then from pneumonia and infection. I was here when they told us over and over that you might never wake up. They can call security and arrest me but, short of that, I'm not leaving you right now. I just can't stand the idea of being apart. Please don't ask me to go...." Brent gasped, then kissed my brow as he gently embraced me. He cradled my cheek in his hand and I felt a tear fall from his face to mine.

"You need you to rest, darling," I whispered.

"I can sleep easier here than away from you. When I'm home, I just toss and turn or walk the floor worrying about you. Please. Just let me stay," he said.

"Do they let family stay here?"

"Yeah, but, well, they say fiancés aren't family."

"Well, duh! You're still my brother, too, aren't you?" I giggled as I slid to one side of the bed, referring to us having been foster children in the Anderson's home together.

We kissed again for the second time in as many months. His lips were sweet and delicious. Mine were still dry and parched. I couldn't return his embrace much due to the still present IV line, but our mouths became more passionate just the same. Finally, I remembered something Dr. Jones had said earlier and stopped. Brent continued, then, when my lips ceased. He kissed my cheek and neck ever so gently and sensuously.

"Whoa," I said, "They don't want me to get too worked up or I might rupture something in my brain. We can't... you know, for a while. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, Rick told me that too when your EKG, or EEG, or whatever that brain wave machine is called said you were waking up."

"Rick?"

"Carolyn's new guy. He's good people."

"Oh. Okay, well you probably know more than I do, then."

"Not really. He just told me that so we wouldn't do something stupid. I don't know when they think you'll be ready, and I don't care. If we never have sex again I'm happy as long as I'm with you."

"That's sweet, but I'm sure we'll be able to, and I wouldn't be okay with it! But can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything."

"Even if we could right now, I wouldn't."

"Because you're still mad at me and trust and all that?" he said with agony rising in his words.

"Oh! No! No! Not that at all! No! I love you! I want to be with you, just not right now! I'm sorry, I,uh, that came out all wrong, I didn't mean it that way at all! Its just, well, I haven't shaved in a couple months and I'm gross!"

"I don't care about that!"

"I know, but I do and trust me, my legs are all hairy, I look like a bear or a wolf or something. I don't ever want you to see me like that." I smiled.

"I'm in no rush. I'm just happy to be with you. And I can't wait to get married."

"We may not be able to then, at first, either. If you want to wait I understand, I guess," I said, contradicting my demand that we get married as soon as I got out of the hospital. I didn't consider at the time I made the demand that I might not be physically able to be with Brent as a husband and wife should.

"Jessie, we're getting married the day you get out of here. No later. Understand? I've found the woman I want to spend my life with and I don't want to wait another day to start spending it with her. End of discussion, okay?"

"Okay." I smiled, then considered some other issues.

"Brent, we need to talk about a couple of things."

"Sure," he replied as I used the control to elevate my bed more so I was sitting up more.

"I'm not sure how to tell you this," I said as I stared in his eyes. "I hope it won't change how you feel about me, but you deserve to know. When I was in the wreck, I didn't know it, but..." I began to cry.

"Jessie, don't cry, it's alright," he said, embracing me gently.

"I... I ... I was carrying our child." I broke down in tears. "And I lost... lost our baby." Brent gently wrapped his arms around me before speaking.

"Don't torture yourself like this. I know already, Donna and Allison told me weeks ago. I'm all cried out over that, too. It would have been great but after we're married we can try again, if you want. We'll have lots of babies if you want. We'll fill a house with them and adopt more if you want. Don't beat yourself up like this," Brent said as he held me in his arms and I wept on his shoulder.

"It's not that. It's that I, uh, I didn't even know I was pregnant. I wasn't trying to get pregnant or anything like that, but I would have told you, Brent. Please, you have to know I would have told you if I knew. I would have married you, right then, if you still wanted me. I..." and after this I just cried while he held me and told me it would be alright.

We were now both reclining on the bed and I was on my right side, with my head on his shoulder, weeping.

He stroked his hand down my hair and neck and whispered, "It's okay. It's going to be fine. Please don't cry. I love you. I hate to see you so sad."

Eventually, just his warmth and comforting words calmed me down and I was just sniffling again. I reached for a tissue to blow my nose, but he sensed what I was trying to do and got it for me.

"If you need anything, you just have to ask me. I'm taking care of you tonight and forever, okay?"

"Okay, thank you," I said accepting the tissue and blowing my nose into it. I was still emotional but decided that if we were going to be a couple, Brent needed to know the full truth.

"There's something else."

"What's that, honey?"

"Well, the week we were apart, before the wreck, when I was so mad at you," I began.

"Let's don't talk about all that now. You've been through a lot and you're fragile and upset and ..., We don't need to talk about all that now. Let's talk about it tomorrow after everyone goes home, okay?"

"No, I need to tell you something now, while I still have the courage to."

"Honey, you don't need courage. You can tell me anything. I just don't want to see you upset."

"I know, thanks, but please, just let me. I need to get it out. I won't be able to rest until I know I've been totally honest with you. And if you're going to hate me or be mad, I'd rather know now than tomorrow. Something happened that week."

"Something or someone?" he asked.

"I guess more like someone," I whispered feeling like I had cheated. I wasn't sure if being with Carolyn that week counted as cheating, as for the most part I had written off our relationship and was free to see whomever I wished. But I didn't feel like Brent and I could move forward if I kept it a secret, either.

"Well, you were emotional that week. I mean, you were mad at me and thought I had stepped out, and, well, you didn't know it but you were carrying a child. Whatever happened, I don't care about," Brent said, but I could tell by his voice he was disappointed. Disappointed that the girl who had given herself to him might have given herself to another guy.

"It's," was all I got out before he interrupted me.

"Jessie, I'd rather you stop now. I don't want to talk about any of that. We've made up. We're getting married. Okay?" he said. His voice was quiet but stern.

"Okay, but if I don't, I'll carry it forever. I want you to know what happened."

"What if I don't want to know?" he asked.

"I think you should anyway. See, Carolyn and I..."

"I know all about you and Carolyn. I know how she was dancing on the bar with your roomie and you all dressed up all slutty for Halloween. Okay? Carolyn already told me. You don't have to. You didn't want me at the time because of what you thought I did, and its my fault I wasn't there with you."

Brent had just described what we had done for Halloween, pretty accurately, but I couldn't tell what else he knew about that week.

"What else did Carolyn tell you?"

"Just that guys were buying you all drinks all night and she and Trisha were flirting with all of them and they were all flirting back and trying to hook up with you. She said you were well behaved and the designated driver and didn't do anything wrong. Are you going to tell me now she was lying? That you took some guy home?" He stared.

I had never seen Brent like this, showing his anger towards me. I didn't like it.

"No! I didn't take any guys home, and neither did Carolyn. Trisha left with some dude, and we drove back to the dorm. We were only out because Trisha talked us into going. And Trisha is the one that made Carolyn dance on the bar. I refused to. Plus, I wasn't drunk like Carolyn. No, she didn't lie to you about that. I didn't do anything with any other men that night, or that week, or ever since we started dating. I don't want any other man. My heart and soul only want you. Even when I was mad at you, I never dreamed of being with any other guy."

"So, you wanted to tell me that Carolyn and Trisha got drunk and danced on a bar? Every night that week I was scared to death you had taken off with some other man. I just knew that and couldn't get the thought out of my head that I had lost the most perfect girl because I was stupid and didn't throw Steve and his damn whore out...."

"I never said Trisha was drunk. She just liked the idea of dancing on the bar. It's something they do at that place. It was in a movie, I think," I interrupted. "And no, there are not now and have never been any other men for me. You even know all the guys I dated before you."

"That's funny. She seems like such a nice girl."

"She is. But she's a tramp, too. She'll fuck anything that moves." I giggled, then became serious again. "But she was there for me. She came back to school that Friday and tried to take us out and cheer me up and she's my friend. So I shouldn't talk bad about her. Did Carolyn tell you anything else?"

"No, just that you were an emotional wreck. I usually cut her off because, well, it made me feel horrible."

"She was there for me, and..." I stopped, trying to think of the right words.

"And?" Brent asked, his angry voice now replaced with his soft whisper again.

"And... well, when I said I wasn't with another guy, well... I didn't say I wasn't with another girl."

There was a long silence while Brent digested what I had said.

"What?" he asked. He was still calm.

"When I was hurting and crying Carolyn took care of me. Well, remember Steven had broke her heart, you know, a couple weeks before, and she was still getting over that, and well.... We were all emotional and hugging and crying and started kissing and one thing led to another.... Well, I don't love her. I mean, I do love her, but not like that. Not like I love you. It's different. It's like we're friends, but more, but I don't know if... Well, I don't... I mean, she's not going to take me away. She wasn't trying to do that. She was the one that convinced me to get back with you even when I thought you had, but... I can't explain," I said, dejected at my loss for words. "I thought you should know everything about me."

"So you hooked up with Carolyn?"

"Yes. Do you hate me?"

There was another long silence.

"That's kinda hot," he whispered, his voice not betraying much emotion. If anything, he sounded relieved.

"What?" I asked sitting up and not sure if I had heard him correctly.

"That's kinda hot. I mean, do you love her?"

"As my best girl friend, yes," I answered. "But you're my best friend since, well, since we first met, and boyfriend and fiancé and the guy I want to spend my life with and have kids with and grow old with, and I love you differently and more than I love her or anyone else."

"So you love her like you love everyone else?"

"Well, no. I don't love anyone else that way. I mean, look, we were hurting emotionally, and we comforted each other physically. But if it never happened again, she would still be my friend. We aren't a couple. We weren't a couple. And neither of us expected any kind of relationship. She described it once as we were bi, but just for each other and, we just, well, took care of each other. If you don't want to marry me..."

"Shut up! Stop that! Nothing is ever going to make me not want to marry you, Jessie," he interrupted.

"Well, if you don't want me to hang around with Carolyn..."

"Why would I not want you to hang around with Carolyn?" he interrupted again.

"Well, because, uh, we were physical like that."

"Are either of you lesbians now?"

"No."

"Did she take care of you and, well, as you say, comfort you, when I wasn't there and should have been?"

"Yeah. I mean, I guess that's about it, yeah."

"Are you wanting to be in a relationship and marriage with me?"

"Yes, more than anything."

"Forever?"

"Oh, god, yes! I want that more than you can imagine," I said, clutching him as closely as the IV line and other medical stuff would allow.

"Are you wanting to be in a romantic relationship with Carolyn or anyone else?"

"No."

"Next time, can I watch?"

"What? No!" I said, shocked for a moment before I realized he was joking.

"Aww, crap," he snickered.

"Look, I never said there would be a next time, I just wanted you to know it happened."

"So, I can't watch or take pictures?" he teased.

"No!" I said "Because you and I are getting married. You don't need pictures of Carolyn."

"Well, no, I meant you and Carolyn," he laughed.

"Look, you can't watch. You can't take pictures. It won't happen again because it was during a time of emotional turmoil for me and her. But if it does, we won't let you watch or take pictures because you'll have to join us and you'll be too busy to operate a camera."