The Desire Within

The next morning Andrea sat in her chair next to Emily and waited for the lab assistant to bring the pill. She felt absolutely horrible. Her head ached, her stomach was twisted in knots, and worst of all she despised herself and the way she'd acted the night before. How could she have been so wanton? Tears welled up in her bloodshot eyes as she remembered the wild, lusty night of sex. Steve would surely divorce her. How could he want to stay married to a woman who would act like that? God, she had even given him a blow job and then, later when they were in bed, she had let him lick her pussy. Worse yet she had enjoyed it, and, right in front of him, she'd had an orgasm. Eternity in hell seemed like a light sentence for the carnal acts she had willingly committed.

"Okay, everyone, we will start dispersing the medication now." Linda's voice shocked her from her dark musings. "Please take your dosage when my assistant gives it to you. After you take your pill I want to interview each of you about any possible changes or side effects you may have experienced last night." Linda stood rigid, like a dominatrix, long blonde hair pulled up into a tight bun on the back of her head and her hands clasped behind her back. The long white lab coat she wore was clamped tightly about her waist by a wide white belt and it exaggerated the fullness of her breasts. Andrea wondered why she had never noticed how attractive Linda was before but then let the idea slip from her mind as the lab assistant offered her the pill.

Swallowing it quickly, she was barely able to nod to the assistant before he walked away. Depression welled up inside her again and she hung her head, letting her sorrow wash over her like flood waters over a low dyke. How had she gotten into this mess? How had she let her life get so screwed up?

"Wow, I think I'm feeling a little different this morning." Emily's voice eased Andrea from her troubled thoughts.

"Different how?" Andrea studied her new friend, noting the flush to her cheeks. Emily's pupils were slightly dilated and her breathing was deeper and rapid.

"Mmm, not really sure. Kinda sexy maybe or just a little buzzed."

Andrea didn't feel anything, but maybe her depression over her night's escapades had counteracted the drug they were taking.

"Let's, um, you know, go somewhere. This room is, like, creepy or something. Boss lady won't be ready to interview us for a while anyway." Emily pulled Andrea from her chair and led her out of the lab and into the small lounge.

Two of the other participants were already there, standing very close to each other and touching each other's arms. Emily led her to a window, still gently holding her hand. The soft touch of Emily's fingers drew Andrea's attention and held it. It was so soft, almost erotic, a light caress of soft skin on her palm. Andrea couldn't pull away from the girl. She might think her unfriendly, so she left her hand in Emily's Sapphic embrace.

Across the room the two were openly kissing and Andrea's eyes were drawn to them. Two people, who had just met, engaged in a passionate embrace, heedless of the room around them. Their hands explored each other's body, touching and being touched. A voyeuristic fascination and a hint of disgust settled upon her and she found she could not look away from the two lovers.

Emily's other hand touched her shoulder, turning her gently. Reluctantly she looked away from the others and down at the young girl beside her. Lips parted and eyes glazed with desire, Emily gazed up at her and let her hand glide from her shoulder down to rest just above Andrea's breast. To her amazement and self loathing, Andrea found herself wishing to be touched, wanting Emily's hand to slide farther down, to touch her nipple and send shivers of lust through her body.

Heat flared between her legs and she trembled as she stood, waiting for Emily's move. Desperately needing her to touch her like the two lovers across the room were touching each other. Andrea lowered her head, just a little and quivered as Emily stretched upward. Their lips almost touched, so close each could feel the hot breath of the other. Tongues slipped out, touching each other and quickly withdrew. The moment stretched out, time seemed to freeze as they stood there, both needing what was about to happen, neither confident enough to press forward.

"Ah, Andrea, there you are." Carl's voice snapped Andrea's head back as though she'd been hit by sledgehammer.

She spun away from Emily and stared at the man. She knew she was blushing, knew that he must have seen what she had been doing, and felt utterly ashamed. How could she have let herself go like that? Then she looked around the room and realized that there were now several couples openly making out. All were study participants. Could that be what the company was doing? Developing an aphrodisiac? Impossible.

Carl stopped in front of her, much too close, and put his hand on her shoulder. The smile that covered his face reminded her of a shark about to feed and she tried to step back but Emily was there, her hands on Andrea's back, massaging her tenderly and blocking her escape. She looked up at her boss. Damn, he was handsome, in a cruelly ruthless way, and his gaze bore into her, stripping her of willpower and resolve. One of Emily's hands dipped down to the small of her back, rubbing small circles that took it lower and lower.

Andrea wanted to reach behind her and snatch the hand away, but she could not. She found that she couldn't breath and the heat between her legs soared to maddening heights. She had to resist. It was obvious now that she had been drugged with a powerful aphrodisiac. She shuddered and tried to concentrate but Emily's hands were so very distracting. Carl leaned forward to kiss her and she knew she wanted the kiss. Damn her soul, she wanted it so badly, wanted to feel his lips pressed against hers, feel his tongue force it's way into her mouth. She wanted him to rip her blouse from her body and take her there in the lounge with everyone watching. But how could she? She was a married woman and she loved her husband.

With her last bit of resolve she turned her head and stepped away from both Emily and Carl. Sucking in a deep trembling breath, she clenched her jaw and ran from the lounge. Carl's deep laugh chased her through the doors and it's haunting sound rang in her head until she reached her office.

Inside she closed the door and pressed her back to it. What was going on? She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. The tortured beating of her heart rang in her ears but she barely noticed it over the fire between her legs. How could she be so aroused? She needed relief and the need shamed her. Steeling herself against her desire she forced her mind away from erotic encounter in the lounge. It had all been a mistake. Emily, such a sweet girl, hadn't been seducing her. Carl intended no sexual harassment. Over and over she repeated the litany to herself until she began to feel better.

For the next ten minutes she busied herself checking email, voice mail, and performing as many menial tasks associated with her position as possible. It was an effective distraction until a light knock came on her door.

"Yes."

"It's Linda, may I talk to you." Her door opened and Linda Tovelson looked inside without entering.

Andrea stood up, embarrassed and self-conscious. "Come on in. I was just finishing my email."

Linda's blue eyes fastened on her. "You missed the interview. I came to see if everything was alright."

"Yes, sorry, I, I forgot."

"It's alright. Would you like to talk here?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Good, I find it better to interview subjects when they are comfortable. Are you comfortable?"

Looking around at her sparse office Andrea nodded. "Yeah."

"Good."

A long pause filled the air between them, billowing up and interposing itself. Andrea sat back down in her chair and looked over at Linda, waiting. Linda slowly opened a notebook and leafed through it until she found the page she wanted. Taking a pen from her coat pocket, Linda looked up at Andrea and gave her a warm smile.

"Have you noticed any unusual side effects? Felt any unusual urges or desires?"

It was an aphrodisiac! Damn Carl and his lecherous mind. He'd just wanted to get into her pants! She hated him, but at the same time, the image of his rugged face and beautiful white smile filled her brain. He wanted her. The fire started between her legs again and her hands shook as she looked over at the beautiful woman.

"Yes, last night I, uh, I mean we, my husband and me, we um made love and well it got really wild." Andrea looked away and then back up at Linda. The warm, kindly look on her face broke the dam holding back Andrea's emotion. "Oh God, I'm so embarrassed, how could I have acted that way. I was so bad, really, really evil, you know, like some two-bit whore." Sobs wracked her body and she wept into her hands.

A soft noise and then the tender touch of Linda's arm around her shoulders told her that Linda was now kneeling beside her. She let her head tilt to the side, laying it on Linda's chest and Linda reached up to gently caress her hair. Touching her with the tenderness only another woman could give.

"Now, now, Andrea, it wasn't so bad was it? I'm sure that Steve enjoyed it very much."

Andrea looked up at Linda. "You know Steve?"

For just a second, Linda seemed to pale slightly then she smiled softly. "It's in your study profile, that your husband's name is Steve. But he's a man, so I'm sure he enjoyed it."

The answer satisfied Andrea and she nodded. "But men don't marry women like that, and Steve will divorce me for sure now."

"Oh, Andrea, sweet girl, you have a lot to learn about men. Now you're right, he probably wouldn't want you to act that way with other men, but with him, that's exactly what he wants. You know the old saying, an lady in public but a whore in bed."

"No, no, Steve isn't like that. He is such a good man. God I love him so much and now because of your stupid study he's going to leave me." A fresh round of sobs wracked her body.

Linda waited for Andrea's weeping to subside a little and then she touched Andrea's chin and turned her face upward. "Listen to me." The firmness of her voice quieted Andrea. "Steve is not going to divorce you just because you gave him a blow job and then gave him the best sex of your marriage."

A wrinkle wormed its way onto Andrea's forehead. Had she confessed to giving Steve oral sex? She didn't think so, but everything was so confusing, her body ached for relief and her mind was clouded by shame. She looked at Linda's face, so beautiful, her high cheekbones and full lips so inviting, her hair, no longer bound in a tight bun, but flowing around her head like an angelic halo. Andrea's nipples hardened and she sucked in a sharp breath. She longed to lean forward and kiss those perfect lips, taste her mouth, touch her soft body. Without the will to halt herself she leaned forward, her rapid breath keeping time with her racing heart.

A soft, warm smile spread across Linda's face just before Andrea felt the touch of her lips. Ecstasy and shame battled for supremacy inside her. Linda's lips parted and her tongue slipped out, gently licking Andrea's mouth. Pleasure pushed inhibitions aside and Andrea accepted Linda's tongue into her mouth, relishing its soft wetness. The kiss lingered and hands began to move without thought, touching and caressing soft skin and enticing curves. Clothes came off beautiful feminine bodies as the two women melted together in tender Sapphic love. Andrea moved from her chair to join Linda on the floor and their lovemaking continued. All thought of stopping had fled from Andrea's mind and she gave in completely to the desire that fueled the fire inside. She knew nothing except the lovely woman she was with. Her mind thought of nothing except the pleasure she was receiving and giving. For the moment it was right, pure, and perfect.

Slowly the realization of what she had done came back to her. Andrea looked over at Linda, still lying on the floor, satiated from their intense lovemaking. Loathing, not of Linda, but of herself rose up from her bowels and threatened to overwhelm her. How could they do this to her? They had taken her piety, her morals from her. Never again would she be a pure innocent woman. How would Steve react to the new her? Could she even go back to him, now that she had sullied herself?

Her eyes flicked up from Linda's bare breasts, where they had been fixated, to her face. Linda was watching her carefully, perhaps clinically, and when she saw Andrea's eyes focus on her face she leaned forward and brushed her fingers over Andrea's cheeks. Andrea felt the tear leave her cheek and realized she had been crying.

"Was it so bad, my lover?" Linda asked softly.

"Not bad, but wrong. Why me? Why did you have to do this to me? I'm not a slut, or I, I wasn't."

"You have always felt these same feelings, admit it to yourself if not to me. Our little pill didn't put new feelings into you. It just let you express those you already had."

Andrea turned from her new lover. "I love my husband, I never intended to cheat on him."

"Talk to him tonight, tell him what happened. Be honest with him and maybe you'll be surprised."

"I'll be surprised if he doesn't kick me out on the spot." Andrea bowed her head and wept.

"What's done is done." Linda's voice was soft but firm. "You never know he may love you more than you give him credit for."

Andrea nodded. She believed that Steve did love her. Maybe love could find a way to forgive.

"Now come on, it is time for the next dosage. Just two more pills and the study is through. Then you can go back to your old life, if you choose."

"I don't think so. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I enjoy sex. I enjoyed it with Steve last night and I enjoyed it with you. I don't think I will ever forget that."

Linda smiled. "I hope you don't and I hope you never stop enjoying it."

The two women walked back to the lab together, hand in hand. If anyone noticed their mussed hair or slightly smeared lipstick, no one said anything.

That night when Andrea got home, Steve was already cooking dinner. The warm fragrance of boiling pasta filled the house, giving it a wonderful lived in air. Andrea made her way to the kitchen and stood watching her husband as he cooked. It was rare, but not unheard of, for him to cook for her and the treat made her feel better.

"Hi honey." She said, startling him as he stirred the pot.

He turned and gave her a warm, loving look. "Hi. So how was your day?"

"I'll tell you all about it after supper. Right now, I'm starved."

They ate the delicious meal, Steve talking and smiling and Andrea becoming more and more relaxed and comfortable. Finally they were done and Steve started to clear the table.

"I'll do it later. I really need to talk to you." Andrea's somber face stopped Steve from protesting and he sat back down.

"What's up?"

"About last night. How do you feel about it? I mean about what happened?"

"You mean about us having great sex? I feel very good about it. How did you think I would feel?" His eyes locked with hers and she saw a look of uncertainty sweep across his face.

"Honestly? I thought you might hate me." Andrea couldn't bear to look in his eyes and her gaze dropped to the floor.

"Hate you. Baby, you are everything to me. I love you more than you will ever know and I will never hate you."

"What if I were unfaithful? Would you hate me then." She shook, waiting for his reply, terrified of what he might say next.

"Well, I wouldn't be happy about it. But I would be even less happy about it if you hid it from me. If you told me about it and we talked about it and you still loved me, well, then maybe I could accept it."

"I made love to Linda Tovelson at work today." She rushed the statement out, hoping that once she had said it, it would magically disappear.

Steve's eyebrows rose and his eyes got wide. "A woman? You had sex with another woman at work today?"

Andrea searched his face for the anger she knew must be there, but found only surprise and then a hint of love. She nodded.

He looked away and then back at her. "Wow. In a thousand years, I wouldn't have expected that."

"Do you hate me?" She dropped her eyes to the floor again.

A long silence grew surrounding them like a thick blanket of fog until his voice softly filtered through her emotional mist. "No, no I don't hate you. In fact I think it's turning me on, just the thought of you kissing Linda, of her long beautiful hair between your legs. Yes I'm getting really turned on babe."

Andrea's eyes narrowed slightly. "How did you know Linda had long hair?"

Steve looked puzzled for a moment then shrugged. I guess it's just how I pictured her." His eyes gleamed like a naughty schoolboy. "Long black hair."

Andrea laughed, relieved. "She's a blonde."

"Oh, well I like that picture too."

"So you're not mad at me? Not upset?"

"Well I don't want you to go around having sex with just everyone you meet, but if you have to have sex without me then I guess a woman is who I'd want you to do it with."

"You still haven't answered my question."

Steve looked at her and grinned. "No, I'm not mad at you."

Relief flooded through her soul like sunlight through an open window. "And you're not upset with me for the way I acted last night?"

"Andrea, I love you. I want to make love to you. I want to have sex with you. And most of all I want you to enjoy it."

"I did you know. I enjoyed it a lot. I know women aren't supposed to enjoy sex, but I did."

"Who told you women weren't supposed to enjoy sex? Of course women are supposed to enjoy it. Your parents were more screwed up than I thought."

"They were pretty anal about some things."

"So, you want to go to bed now?"

"It's only eight o'clock."

"Yeah, I know." Steve grinned and then took her hand and led her into the bedroom.

The next day, Steve sat next to Linda in Carl's office. "Yeah it worked. She's been a wild cat since the day the study started."

Linda smiled and opened the folder on her lap. "Yeah, all of those taking the drug reported extremely heightened sex drives and near uncontrollable sexual urges."

"Hey I'm a believer. Is there any chance it's a permanent change? In Andrea, I mean."

Linda smiled a small smile. "Yes, I think in Andrea's case it may be permanent."

Steve grinned like a schoolboy. "Well you've got my investment. If it can do for others what it did for my wife, it's a sure fire seller." Steve handed a large check to Carl and then shook his and Linda's hand before leaving.

Linda stayed behind and Carl looked at her. "Is there something more Linda?"

"Just one thing sir. I didn't think I should say anything in front of Steve, but Andrea never took our new drug."

"What?"

"I just got through matching up patients with dose numbers. She was given the placebo."