All Comments on 'The Fickle Finger of Fate'

Hopefully the revenge is suitable to the adultery.

So...what is he going to do about it? I hope her punishment is wicked and can't wait to see the end of that conniving bitch! Thanks Mandy for tweaking my interest in this saga.

cant wait for the final chapter mandy

Love the writing! Your dialog is witty and has a tongue-in-cheek humor that is irresistible. All I can say is: more!

You know that I think it's a great story. Amusing and touching and a good read. I'd better not say anymore!

Very funny story, great dialogue, and quite depressing! Hand me the basket... OK, I take 5..

She is so full of herself, that she has not even, contacted the woman to see, if he even took the bait. I hope that he catches her, with a man or men jammed in between her legs. Then beats her over the head with a big stick, (figurately speaking), then gets on with his own life.

I gave it a 4. It is quite good. But for people who find this later on, pick a title for the series and give it chapter numbers. The site sorts alphabetically. No one will know what order was in your head if you don't put it in the titles

It is hard to read, conversation like this where a wife says things like this about her husband who actually loves her. But story is interesting, and please dont wait too much before next. Good writing as well.

Thanx

at the end of part 1 the Husband wants to know what is going on.

He... and reader ...has all sort of questions. He was going to hire a Private investigator right? .

so what happened? where are the answers?

Instead this story opens with additions to the pre nups?

who cares?

Very entertaining read. The humor is lightly applied and enhances the enjoyment.

While Kelly deserves revenge, James is not the kind of man who taints his own personality by enacting spiteful revenge. Let him get irrefutable evidence, divorce her ass leaving her as financially barren as the pre-nup allows. The revenge I would think appropriate would be to thank the wife for introducing him to Michelle after he re-marries. That would be the "gift that keeps on giving."

I would rip as big an asshole as I legally could in those bitch friends of hers. While I don't think James is the kind to screw the whole bunch, men included, I am.

The last 4 Paragraphs in the Prequel they are clearly talking about getting a P.I on the wife. So why does this story open with the husband wanting add ons to the prenups?

The Middle part of the story was OUTSTANDING. But it also hurt the story in the overall sense.

If James is THAT sharp that he is able to out 2 and 2 together and figure out that something funny is going on his business trip then maybe he should of been able to see through the the wife's very strange words actions and behaviors in the prequel

He's a control freak and she's a disrespectful conniving bitch. I could understand if after his fantasy about a threesome she might be worried about his fidelity and have him investigated. But watched, not trying to run a sting. Many married people wouldn't be looking to cheat but of they were specifically hunted might not know how to handle it, especially in a dinner and drinks situation where their judgment was impaired. But then we see she has a very low opinion of him and is trying to trap him into a corner so she can control him. She says the word "love" but she has no idea what it means. If she doesn't like the fact that he is a bit stiff then why did she marry him? Also, if they divorce without infidelity she does fine. She could have easily slipped away before he had a clue as to what was going on. Instead she wants to keep him and control him. The stupidity about this is that even if he cheats and she uses it as leverage against him, she intends to have a wide open sex life. Once they both have cheated the prenup becomes pretty useless. Things would fall back to a normal split of assets and he could walk away without too much damage. I hope whatever revenge is accomplished blows her friends away as well. They are very complicit in the whole affair and deserve a good amount of pain. As like the first part, it's a straange/funny read because of his stream of consciousness ramblings. Too much at times. But it's holding my attention so far.

A couple of things:

- I would have to say that the average male isn't really forward thinking to the end of all arguments with the thoughts of "Hmm I need to win this so that I can get some sex tonight" and when it fails the first thoughts are "Darn I lost out on some good loving tonight" as Lennard was doing.

The first argument at the beginning between him and Kelly was basically him kicking himself for not finding out a way to get sex at the end of his "mature" conversation. Not on the issue at hands. Kind of makes the character look shallow when that happens.

- You do a lot of scene changes but rarely mark them. At times its hard to follow because you don't know where one starts and the other begins.

For example:

Your company has been intellectually stimulating and humorous as well. As I said, I hate eating alone and it would have been nice if I had someone like you for all the other boring meals I've had to sit down too."

Kelly met me at the door in a black lace negligee, stay up stockings, high heels and nothing else when I got home. They say that women dress to impress.

---------

That's a scene change that took place from the restaurant to his house. I had no idea that he had left the restaurant and was either at home or at his hotel room and Kelly flew in to join him.

I only gathered that he was now home after I got to the next unmarked scene change when he was at work now when I kept reading.

The story is interesting.

But speaking as a male the story does have a tendency at times to make males out to be either too simple to tie our shoes without help or sex crazed beings who would trade common sense for sex with the right person.

You didn't have him hook up with the agency woman, but his IQ is so low when talking to Kelly that everything revolves around sex when it comes to her.

And the average IQ (depending on which scale you use) is about 120 (^_^)

But the story is a good solid 4 of 5 I think personally

-Risq

I cannot believe Brittease let this out. The dialogues are so unbelievable. The smartest guy I knew whose PhD was in Algebraic Topology did not talk this was. There were only three people in the world with his grasp of his subject. I had a perfect score on the Miller's Analogy test and have taught at 3 major universities. I worked as a book editor for 4 years. This story has a possibly interesting plot but it gets lost is the attempt at sophisticated wordsmithing and falsely intelligent words and philosophy. The attempts at witty banter are a failure. Be real not "prodigiously" false.

This is a great story, and I give it a five. The great humor, in an otherwise tragic tale, the insights provided through the telling of side incidents, and the destruction of what hubby thought was a good marriage makes it a great read. Actually, I dismissed THAT DAMN DOG because I could not figure out what the hell the author was trying to convey. Ok, ok, I now have it.

Yes, yes!! I laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Watch out HDK someone is behind you!!

Mandy, please understand this is just my view point and I am sure you will take no notice of it, which is the best way. Okay if you intended to write a story about a woman that every male reader will (Or should) hate, and if any male person sees or hears about such a person they should RUN then well done for that. I never thought a cuckolding wife could be such a nasty bitch.

The character you have created in this woman and her friends should be every mans nightmare. Yes I understand the story is yours and I understand Britease simply helped with the technical side of the writing. But please understand something, British men, at least the ones I know do not keep saying 'Mate' I know there is this myth that English men are stuck up, stiff upper lip twits. That is what HOLLYWOOD thinks.

The truth is so far away from HOLLYWOOD that most Americans probably wouldn't understand a down to earth English mans dialect unless they had subtitles. So your male characters to me sound false. But then I am English and I come from the country. I do sense Briteases humour and advice on dialect in your story. Sorry but it does nothing for me. But having said all this. You have written a very good cheating wife story. All the elements are in place and although many have been done before you have done them well. I hope you have written the next chapter and you have the husband seek revenge against the wife. At the very least he should divorce the bitch and go find Michelle and live happily ever after.

Okay, rant over. For it's type this is a well written story about a very unlikable wife and a fairly likeable husband. So well done and thanks for the story. I look forward to part three.

Regards

AW

I've never understood where the patience (or persistence) of those who go panning for gold comes from. I mean you're standing knee deep and wet, cold hands gripping a metal pan swishing it this way and that - repeatedly - only to find at the end of your efforts - nothing. Then you do it again...and again...and again.

And now back to my comment...

Well at least the fog of cliche is lifting and we can almost see a story.

Both times in Craxton were written quite nicely. There was a refreshing clarity and directness to your writing - I liked that best.

Bit over the top with the taped phone conversations though. Thank goodness the bucket was handy - phew!

So what did we learn today.

Never allow your wife to be "a stay at home" without a couple of young ones running about to keep her exhausted and out of mischief.

Or was it - idle hands are the devils workshop.

Hey, wait a minute - does that mean that idle minds hang out at Literotica? Ouch!

The first part was extremely tough to read. There was little difference between thinking and "breaking the fourth wall" (IE, addressing the reader). The gridiron analogy completely lost me there, since I have NO idea what gridiron is.

It feels very stream-of-consciousness, making it very hard to follow.

This is the opinion of just one reader, but the story would've been much tighter and better to follow without the "nudge nudge wink wink" stuff towards the reader. I know it is supposed to make it humorous, but the only thing it does is confuse me.

The later parts are much better, fortunately. I will not go much into the story itself, but James makes a prenup that leaves him worse off? He's shooting himself in the foot.

At first I thought Kelly was just misguided, having slightly different values on fidelity, and with her so-called friends pushing her down the wrong road.

Now I find out that she's gone that down road at lightspeed.

Kelly loves James? Nope, she loves the comfort and steady income he provides. James is a mealticket, nothing more.

Well, I'm all ready for a torch the bitch ending now...

is all I can say. what a shitty world you draw here. the wife and her friends are...there are no words for it. Also the 2 ex-wives of his boss seemed to be from the same nest. Is there anything pleasant in "this world" ? I'm almost prepaired for everything in part 3, from hired hitmen to clean the party house to.....

but I'm really afraid to find all my worst fantasies will be outnumbered by you and for sure it will not be erotic, that's clear and sad as this is the main goal if you write here.

mission failed.

write an ugly book and become a millionair just don't try to sell it in the erotic section, then you go bancrupt.

maybe post here : http://horrorstories.anthonet.com/

or

here : http://www.horrormasters.com/

M,

She's trying to control an "out of control" life? James, should have married his sister or better yet his dog... at least there would have been a better chance of "Loyalty." oh well can't buy me Love comes to mind!

Wild weird shit, but fun to read. Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Don't get me wrong: I like the story. Maybe a touch cliche on the plot lines, but well done. (And really, how many original plots can you have in this genre? So that's less than a minor bitch.)

My biggest problem is--as rightfully pointed out by Shaman--the dialogue. Simply put, people don't talk like you've got hubby talking here. And damned few women trying to pick up men talk like Nobel laureates giving a speech about quantum mechanics. As such, it comes across as contrived and paints the characters as pompous.

I'd just recommend you let them talk naturally. In smaller words and shorter sentences. And try to let some things remain unsaid, thereby forcing the reader--to a reasonable degree--to read between the lines.

It really is a captivating story, though, and I'm waiting for the final chapter.

(There you go. Light enough on your derriere?)

You sure are taking a caning Mandy01, I hope that cushion is still in place. Why? Because if it isn't you wont be able to sit down and write more stories. And I want to read what you write.

Find your grove. You have a tough audience and have chosen a tough topic to write about. So unclench that arse (apparently it hurts less if you do that), take a deap breath and let those fingers fly over the keyboard because I wanna read the last chapter of this story, along with all the comments! Selfish aint I!

I really liked your comment (writing) at the beginning, now that had emotion in it! That painted a picture (actually more than one) that I will remember for quite sometime and yes I am a dirty old man!

UNO STARRO.

and think it's a good story. The dialogue is somewhat stilted, but still a good read. Looking forward to the next chapter!

This chapter seemed to flow a little better to me. Anyone who says people don't act like this has their head in the sand. Some women are like this. Someone else said that he was controlling, I don't see it. He follows his wife around in the hopes of getting some tail. Some men are like that. He didn't control much. I think, from what I remember, that he has tried to stand up for himself. Lay off the bad boys Mandy, some of us do make good husbands. I grew up around hardcore bikers. I have been a hellraiser all my life. I will admit that some of us are not marriage material. I gave my word to my wife, I won't break it. Some of us hold loyalty in high regard. As I said before, using sex as a weapon causes a fuck you attitude, at least among most of the men that I know. And I know them from many different walks of life. Good one.

I think the story lacks a certain maturity. To this point it seem that all they are trying to do is win at some stupid game. The off tanget thoughts in the first story drove me to distraction. . Why and how did the wife turn into such a crazy bitch? It would be hard to save this story short of going next door and burning the house down with all of the party goers inside. anon jerry

Their marriage was doomed for another reason, both of them felt that they always had to win. That is not give and take. It would not have worked even if she wasn't a crazy bitch. The spiteful credit card spending would cause a war at my house. One that I would win, one way or another. Maybe he is a wimp.

I will say this, your story has characters, and you actually show some depth for the "hero" in this story. The W remains a mystery and that bothers me as far as the story goes.

I will tell you that I have enjoyed all of your stories. And withstanding some of the rather harsh critics you seem to have acquired for reasons I don't understand, I think I will like this one as well. So far so good.

One criticism I do agree with, is the sidebar chatter. Sometimes it can be carried off with great affect, but often it just clashes with who the character seems to be. In this case it seems to clash.

Keep up the good work.

I can't believe the cheating slut and her friends would take a chance being caught by someone who handles deadly chemicals for a living, many of which could kill a person without leaving a trace.

Better still, I'm sure there a chemicals out there that will cause massive strokes, again leaving behind no trace, that leave the recipient nothing but a drooling vegetable unable to eat or clean up after themselves.

I'm sure that some of this chemical could be slipped into one of the other husbands' drinks unnoticed. I think killing another person is wrong.

Not forgetting the recipient, when no longer able to communicate, will need to be informed of the why.

Then just leave a few subtle hints to the wife. Remind her that he blew up his father's tool shed and that he loved his father, then get her to think about what he could do if it was someone he didn't, or no longer, loved and who had deliberately caused him pain.

Vengeance, some people say, it a dish best served cold. It is even better when served with something to mask the tasted until too late.

OK -- She's my mate. but, what the hell, you can all use that that term. However, my other sort of MATE Average writer, get a grip will you. Aussies use Mate all the time as do my group of pals. And yes, MATE, we call one another 'chaps' quite a lot. Come on AW, it's a bit of an IN term these days. You've got to get out a bit more sunshine. Hey, let's stick together a bit here eh?

Ah yes ---- Great story Mandy

I don't know where you come from, but no one says 'Chaps' or 'Mate' where I come from. But then I think you said you come from London? The only people in the UK that say 'Chaps' are stiff arse rich snobish Brits. I don't know anyone that talks that way and I travel around the UK a fair bit. Granted Aussies say 'Mate' that's a given.

But Mandy has set the story in the English dialect so maybe she should be a little more down to earth with her dialect? But as I said before the story wasn't too bad at all, and of course it gets fvie stars from me. but the wifes character is just plain ugly. And don't worry Mandy knows I am honest and trusts me to be honest with her.

As for us being 'Mates' and sticking together? we haven't been 'Mates' for a long time. So there is no point us sticking together. You are from a different part of the UK to me. You live and work in different circles to me. And you have completely different ideas on life in general to me. So 'Mates' we are not. And certainly not after you constantly snipe at me, which you do a lot. Stick to helping Mandy with her stories.

Please continue, and thanks for the effort.

This wife is almost as evil as Winterfrog's Dragon Woman. Interesting. I hope this doesn't turn into one of the 'reconcile at any cost' or cuckold fetish stories.

I think that much of the technical critique is pretty useful, and I agree with much of it. The one thing I wanted to emphasize is that when you moved away from the stream of consciousness approach in the second half of this installment (and just focused on telling your story), that it started to pick up momentum, some excitement, and emotional clout. I am looking forward to the last part. Hope it shows up quickly.

Also, I liked the witty dialogue, even if others didn't. I am not fazed by the intellectual level of it--its your world, so have at it. Tracy and Hepburn didn't speak like regular folks either, but that didn't stop their movies from doing pretty well in their day! Once again, thank you for your work.

Don't let the idiots influence your writing. You are doing a great job telling a story that grabs ahold of me.

Note to Below_Average: what is your problem? I may not read any more of your ramblings. Well OK I'll just have to give you a 1 and move on.

He should hire this old yank here. I'd have a lot of fun hanging this whore in a tree and skinning and gutting her alive. I'd make old Jack proud!

I like grey shaded characters, where there is conflicts, but here wife is plain evil, and we know end, so what was point of story? dont say it was another Revenge story, why do people write about hatred. is not world has enough of that? at the point i believe it is revnenge story, which i dont like, so i wont read it further, lit is for sex, romance, but revenge? come on. I expected better from you mandy after reading your others.

Switch to decaf.

I'm looking forward to this awful, selfish bitch getting torched right down to the ground. You have successfully created a worthless slut who deserves ever strike and hurt that comes her way.

Please don't britease out an have him accept her bs.

Great plot...fantastic scenes with the two girls in Claxton (sp?) and the mental deductions...very clever and fun to read. Another great scene was the two men listening to the taped conversations...very hot listening to the wife's descent into her verbal cesspool diatribe.

But man there were some incredibly confusing aspects to this story...the first couple of paragraphs made absolutely no sense.(I finally figured out, I guess, that they referred to previous comments). Very immature and zwieback! Further the humor(?) was very uncomfortable...like seeing a comic bombing on stage. You empathize and also cringe at the effort. All those asides and snide generalizations by the husband made all the subsequent dialogue between any and all characters utterly confusing. It killed any flow to the story. Pseudo cleverness drowned this saga!

By the way, my comments on the first part of this story were deleted, but I do not feel it was the author. It had to be Steve Jobs...that bastard.

Looking forward to how write the ending. Interesting writing style, one I have not read before. Subject is common but your take and the way you are writing is refreshing new.

So finish it so I can read it. Yes I do give you a 5 mostly for your writing style which I can hear the voice speaking in my head- almost scary : )

Well done.

RE: "Note to Below_Average: what is your problem? I may not read any more of your ramblings. Well OK I'll just have to give you a 1 and move on."

Sorry but it's not me that has the problem. If you don't read any of my stories how do you know if they are good or bad? And you probably have been giving them 1 stars anyway so no change there. But it seems you have a 'problem' with me. And for the record I gave this story 5 stars I like the story. In fact the writer has written so well she is getting an emotional reaction from most readers. That is a good thing.

Anon, what I find amusing is that you feel the need to tell me you are going to vote 1 star, most readers just vote or not say there piece and move on. If you don't like a writer then it's simple don't read his or her stories. But that probably escapes you doesn't it. And like I have pointed out before, if you are judgeing me by my scores, then you are wrong. My scores tend to be above above average scores which are given by readers and writers that I assume like my stories if you don't like them then yes, don't read them.

Sorry Mandy I felt I had to respond to this Anon. It's an old Anon stalker that follows my comments and stories around. I have no idea why.

LOL @ "Below" Average writer. You are such big "joke" and I'm damn sure you wrote that comment as anon......LOL, bad attempt. Ahem, go back and read what you have written in your profile in your own words, and with your own fingers. Less_Than_Average_writer huh? LOL.....Don't fume if people call you "Below" average writer, you call yourself less_than.....doesn't make any difference. bad attempt at self promotion, what's written in your profile says it all. Stop playing this stupid games, MATE, and better luck next time, MATE LOL.......Stalker stalking himself LOL.....laughing again ;-)

There isn't a single female in this story with any redeeming feature what so ever. All women within are whores sluts and thieves. Kinda true to reallife wouldnt we all agree!!!

I read stories to get horny...this was just a waste of time!! No sex at all! >< And he is such a shitty husband.

This second installment is much easier to follow.I also see the changes you have done with the main character. As a reader< i am please you take some of the suggestion to heart.

Keep on writing!!!!!!

If you want to write,then learn the rules of English language. And get editor to get rid of all the spelling and grammatical errors !

as far as the writing is concerned.

I just find it a bit hard to sympathize with James. He is so damn stupid, no way he is an engineer.

Do I need to say more? No!

You built quite a winner in her -

The really scary part is that there are people out in the world who act and believe that way -

They all need great pain done to them on some very fundamental level - maybe Karma will even it out but it deserves help

I am impressed that is one evil bitch...spitting image of a buddies wife..hence their divorce and she died of cancer within 3 years of divorce seems she never got her test results back, he threw out all her mail and she never left a forwarding address or contact info just ran off with boyfriend.

This is one wicked bitch. This chapter is a much better read without all the rambling asides. Thanks. Five stars.

Too many attempts at being clever with your words makes this good story not so good.

Still need a good editor. Maybe you can save it in the last chapter.

This went somewhere definitive and there were (or at least seemed to be) less annoying "asides" or stray comments that annoyingly play havoc with trying to stay focused on the story.

A kiss for your sore (and I'm sure cute) derriere. ))

Ok, this was much better, you cut down most of the asides & past history but some parts were stilted & uneven especially the Caxton dinners he had with the two women. That just didn't seem realistic to me, I know the women got all the info from Kelly to help but there was just so much that could go wrong for them.

Kelly & her girls friends proved that with a wife like her James would be better off in the Army fighting in Afghanistan, what a bitch ( sorry dogs ), speaking of which, I never understood the title of Ch 1 . 3 ***

brings it up to mediocre.

would you care to share with the rest of us what was in the original pre-nup and the all powerful codicil? some of this "intrigue" might actually make sense if we knew wtf was going on.

please name of chapter 3

You use the wrong one consistently.

So what's the story, did an Australian girl laugh at you naked? Are you jealous that none of your relatives were transported so you missed the chance to live in the greatest country on earth?

Happened to see your comment in the so thought I'd best read this story and give it a 5.

Cheers

Charlie

And why is she still married to him? Five stars.

As others have said, not quite as convoluted as the first part.

I think I only needed to skim about a page and half this time.

I did not see it coming that you were going to turn her into SUCH an over the top egomaniacal disrespectful slag.

In part 1, she was just a selfish disrespectful bitch.

You mentioned in the beginning a sore arse from a caning.

If ever anyone needed a dose of it, it is kelly. On a daily basis.

If he was more of a man instead of a spineless pantywaist, she might have had respect for him.

I’d be concerned about her friends lying about him cheating with one or more of them!

I would definitely get a PI on her while I was away! I guess Lennard took care of that!

I was SURE that Lennard sent him away to tempt Kelly, and that HE hired a PI! I was partly right with this one!

Someone wondered why she didn't check with the plant. While I agree that she should have, I'm not sure it would have worked here; she liked him enough, I'll bet she would have lied for him!

illiterate dumb shit.

I'll admit it, I'm an avoid divorce at almost all costs conservative kind of man. But I believe I would make an exception for a bimbo like that! Good grief, what a piece of work.

but tiresome to have the protagonist (James), trying to be facetious while repeatedly talking to the reader. Detracts from the development of the story and is quite irritating! Otherwise, would have been five stars.

When your wife tries to set you up with Several different women, it can ONLY mean ONE thing. SHE is part of a Swinger's Group(Her Friends) that has ALREADY Cuckolded you! DUH!!! But I do like the writing style and still gave this part of 'That Damn Dog' Four Stars.

Really getting good, hope to see the cheating bitch get burned in the next chapter.

I think this might be a good story but it’s moving forward at a snail’s pace and I’m starting to lose interest. If the next chapter doesn’t pick up the pace some, I doubt I’ll even get through it.

needs a good finish,,,and a little speed up,,,very good story!!!!!

Good story, but you have to work to find it amidst all of the asides, comments etc.

We get one line of story to ten lines of commentary.

Good story though, I appreciate your hard work.

A lesbian woman who can write well from a man's viewpoint. Is that surprising or to be expected? Yeah I've enjoyed both the first one and this one. Your breaking of the fourth wall is amusing and well done. As to the cane, I'm thinking maybe the lady doth protest too much. Maybe you are liking that cane a little...hmmm? ;)

He suspected boss told him what to do and he didn't.

Now he is sick and crying?

WIMPY CUCKOLD

Too late growing balls

Check with the agency she was paying to get the goods on James is simple beyond reason - she is too damned arrogant to believe James could possibly figure out what she and her slut friends were up to. If she'd bothered to read a few LW stories she might not have made that mistake. Always know for sure where the mark is at all times. She and all of her fuck buddies, male and female are cunts with the number of brain cells that he said they had.

I happen to like the writing style so on to the end of the whores. Signed: BTW

When are you going to finish this, it is good but still more to do.p.c.pepper130@gmail.com

The MC is a complete dickhead and fuckwit.

I hope you don’t have him being all nice and fair in the bust up. I also hope you have him going apeshit at all of them and kicking all their fucking arses and making them all pay severely for the shit they’ve caused

4/5

I had to "speed read" thru #1 and #2 to avoid the wasted words to finally get to the real problem. I think the Author likes to write lots of words with no real purpose.

Stop reading 1/5 of page 2.

No meat just fluf.

Assnomeous thyrd greater.

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9

Too wordy for too little content. The first two parts could have easily been done on two pages without the throw-in cynicism. It's like watching John Wick explaining every incident from his childhood prior to every single blow the enemy of the scene is in for. Painful!!

Better but still too much sidebar content ruining the story.

Where's the follow up.

Bring the Burn!

Yikes! You (Sheilas is it?) be damn mean!

Oh ah, you ramped that up a blast furnace level. Burn baby burn when you going to learn....